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Non-disclosure legalities/Which states?
Oct 10, 2009

I have been positive for about 25 years, and it doesn't show on me. I have never been sick from it, nor have I had a high noticeable viral load. Consequently, there have been times that I didn't disclose my HIV status with a partner, because I knew that they had unsafe sex with various strangers at other times. (either I KNEW the other parties personally or knew in another way) I allowed this knowledge to help me to rationalize not telling them. Now, I can't sleep for worrying about 3 of them, because these 3 people have become friends and/or we have had an on-going relationship. I have been "top" with no ejaculation with two of them. With the other one, he wanted me to come in his mouth and I did. I know how people are, and if one or more of these guys becomes positive they will want to blame the only person they KNOW is pos--ME. Even though they all had other unsafe partners. I plan to simply tell all of them, and get it in the open as I see you usually advise people to do that. However, do you know the laws in Texas? Would they be able to prosecute me if they choose to, even though they had even LESS safe sex with other positive partners? (In one case at a bath house, the other two with casual partners on line) You have mentioned that it is illegal to NOT disclose in many states, but which ones? Thank you for all of your information, I really appreciate your website! Chris

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Chris,

Disclosure is always challenging. However, as you have fond out, so can non-disclosure due to feelings of guilt after the fact and yes, there are non-disclosure laws in some states. Texas has never been very friendly to gays and lesbians or HIVers. (After all, Bush lives there, right?) You can check with your local AIDS service organizations regarding local statutes. As for disclosing after the fact, why not consider one of the anonymous partner notification services? (See below.)

Good luck! Be well. Be safe.

Dr. Bob

How do I anonymously tell a partner I may have exposed him to an STD??? (INSPOT.ORG) May 5, 2009 Dr. Bob, HELP!!!! I did something stupid and now I've got syphlis!!!! I'm still waiting for my HIV test!!! What really worries me is that I've had sex with several friends and we sort of forgot to use a condom. But I know these guys really well and know they are healthy and usually play safe. I just can't tell them in person that I have syphilis and my health department wants to know my name. I don't trust them to keep the information confidential if I give them these guys names. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Too-Embarrassed-To-Tell-Them

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi Too-Embarrassed-To-Tell-Them Guy,

You sort of forgot to use a condom???????? Hmmmmm.....Early Alzheimer's I presume, right? Otherwise I'm sure you wouldn't take such a risk. (Learning a lesson like this the hard way is indeed painful and I'm not only talking about the walloping dose of penicillin that's going to be injected into your butt, either! I'm hopeful your experience will make others think twice before "sort of forgetting to use a condom", even with friends.)

Actually there is a way to notify your contacts! Check out the Web site called InSpot.org. There you can send an anonymous e-mail to your sexual partners advising them they may have been exposed to an STD. Yes, it's truly anonymous and cannot be traced back to you. There are a variety of very simple messages to send. My favorite is "I got screwed while screwing, you might have too." Dr. Bob says, "Check it out!" Don't delay! Your contacts need to be told and treated ASAP!

Dr. Bob



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