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Unprotected sex with friend

Sep 24, 2009

Dear Dr Bob. This is the second time I have ever written to you the first being 6 years ago about sharing cigarettes. It's good to see that you are still doing such an excellent job in the world. I will make a donation to your fund.

I have been in a relationship now for the last three years. Because I am a typical man I don't seem to know a good thing when I see one and I have cheated on this wonderful woman twice. The first time was about 2 years ago when I received oral sex off a work colleague (I'm not particularly worried about this one as I know the chances of infection are quite slim and I'm sure I'd have noticed something by now). The last time I cheated happened a few nights ago with a friend I've known for 3 years. I think she's a nice girl so I doubt she has anything but you never know for sure. We have always flirted in the past but there was alcohol involved this time. Anyway to cut a long story short I ended up back at hers and we had unprotected sex for about 15 minutes and then I put a condom on and in the morning we did a little mutual masturbation and had sex again this time with the condom from the start.

I'm not particularly worried about the condom bit or the mutual masturbation bit, I'm worried about the unprotected intercourse bit.

Other then HIV I'm also worried about other STD's.

Here are my questions.

1, How long do I need to wait before I go and get tested for all STD's and what do you think my chances of not having anything are?

I have learned my lesson this time and I don't want my partner to catch anything from me. I know you are probably going to say that talking to her and telling her the truth will be the best course of action but because of things that have happened in her past (parents having affairs etc), this is not an option as she will not stay with me. If I don't have sex with her until I get tested she will know something is wrong.

2, If I use a condom correctly with her what are the STD's she can still catch and how likely will it be she will catch one?

3, Also do you think it would be a good idea to go with my friend and get us both checked out so I don't have to wait (although I have no idea how that conversation would go down as basically it is me suggesting she has an STD)?

If you don't mind sending me your Good Luck Karma it would be greatly appreciated too.

I look forward to your reply.

Thank you so much Dr Bob

Best wishes,

Someone who now appreciates what they have xx

Response from Dr. Frascino


Welcome back to the forum!

Responding to your specific questions:

1. Unprotected sex does place you at some degree of risk for STDs, including HIV. You can be screened for most STDs at any time; however, you'll need to wait until the three-month mark for a conclusive HIV-antibody test result. As for your chances of having an STD or HIV, I, of course, have absolutely no way of predicting. Since your horizontal mattress mambo mate is a friend, you could ask her to be STD and HIV screened now. If negative, that would very significantly decrease your risk. (There would still be the remote chance she was recently HIV infected and still in her window period.) Regarding concern for your partner if you do not want to put her at any degree of risk, you have only two options. You either level with her so you can take precautions (condoms) or abstain from sex until you are given the all-clear (three months). Alternatively you don't tell her, but don't have sex with her. Obviously she will know something is up if you choose the second option. (The third option of not leveling with her and continuing to have unprotected sex with her is not really a viable option if your goal is not to put her at any degree of risk.) Despite your fears, I'd still suggest you level with her.

2. There are a number of STDs that can be transmitted by mere skin-to-skin contact, such as crabs, scabies, herpes and genital warts. Most likely you would know if you had any of these.

3. Yes, I do think it would be a good idea, no matter how the conversation goes down!

Good-luck karma sent!

Dr. Bob

Sorry Dr. Bob, i meant Saline or saltwater not salt ware.
Could you clarify theoretical?

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