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My husband just told me he's gay
Aug 31, 2009

I have been married over 30 years to a man I though I knew. This past weekend he told me he's been visiting adult theaters for oral sex for the last 4 years. I knew something was wrong and suspected it was another woman. I have been tested for HIV and STD's. Unfortunately I have tested postive for an STD which is treatable. Needless to say we are going to divorce. When I asked about protected sex he said he didn't use any since it was oral. He was the receiver and giver many times over. He said he was told if he drank a Coke the acid would kill the HIV virus. I don't believe it. Is this true? Also, since the HIV can appear in as many as ten years down the road what does that mean for me? Could I be sexually active in the future? I am scared to death that if he continues in the manner he is then he is risking his life and may have already put mine in danger. What kind of protection can he use?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

There's an old slogan that "thing go better with Coke;" however, Coke will not protect your soon-to-be ex-hubby from HIV! I'd suggest you refer him to this Web site. There's a wealth of information here that should help keep him safe.

As for your HIV risk, I'd suggest you have your husband get tested. If he's negative, then you can relax somewhat. Your risk would then be limited to the remote possibility that your husband very recently contracted the virus and was still in his window period (HIV infected but not yet having detectable levels of anti-HIV antibodies in his blood). Ultimately you'll need an HIV test three months or longer from your last potential exposure. This will provide you with a conclusive HIV result.

Finally, for other readers wondering about their hubby's sexual orientation, try this: Say "Judy, Liza, Joan, Mary and Barbra." If he immediately answers: "Garland, Minnelli, Crawford, Tyler Moore and Streisand," you can be certain he's as gay as the Christmas windows at Macys.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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