From a very nervous Dad.
Aug 31, 2009
Thanks Dr. Bob,
You really truly are a great guy, great Dr., great everything! The advice you give, the encouragement and support you offer others truly expands far beyond that of any physician I have ever known or even heard of.
There is an overwhelming sense of guilt and fear as a single parent sometimes. I am all my little ones have so I guess I am a bit over cautious,obviously my fears are irrational.
Thanks so much for your time Dr. Bob, I really meant that. I am sure your time is already extremely limited. The mere fact that you take time out of your already busy schedule to educate and diminish many irrational fears is an incredible thing in itself. God bless you and I wish you wealth of happiness and health.
a once Nervous Dad...
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hey Previously Nervous Dad,
". . . An overwhelming sense of guilt and fear . . ." is not helpful in raising children, no matter what the cause. I'm glad you realize your HIV fears are irrational. I hope you'll do whatever it takes to confront and conquer these unwarranted worries. Your kids need a well-adjusted dad.
I'm pleased you've found my advice comforting and the information here enlightening. Increasing your knowledge base about HIV and, if necessary, getting counseling can further help you overcome your fears.
I wish you and your family excellent health and every happiness.
From a very nervous Dad Aug 27, 2009
Dear Dr. Bob,
I hope my question finds you well and in good health.
Before I ask my question I would like to tell you how wonderful of a person I think you are for all that you do.
I am a single father of a beautiful 2 year old and a 4 year old. My wife left when my youngest was only 7 weeks old, never to be heard from again. Family and friends (the culprits) have been pressuring me for two years to meet someone and date, etc. Coincidentally, I met someone by accident at the supermarket. We met approximately 2 weeks ago and had our first date approximately a week ago.
She visited our home and after putting my children to sleep we watched a movie (the new batman). It wa snice to have a companion after so long. During the movie she tried kissing me, at first I was nervous but then went along with it. We kissed for a minute or two at a time periodically, nothing deep but at times she used her tongue which made me uncomfortable, however like an idiot, I went along with it. She also wanted me to touch her breast area, again I was uncomfortable but did to a point where I kissed her breasts,etc. Again, this was for a short period of time and periodic. She started taking her clothes off and that is where I ended everything.
I held her hands and explained to her I was a single father and could not have intercourse or "do that" unless I was sure of her "STD" status and we would have to know each other very long first. I have two children and though hormones can rage, I just could not do anything. She seemed to understand and we still talk to each other. I was also uncomfortable because when we were at the mall, she shared her bottled water with my children when I was getting them food. That made me very uncomfortable.
I have since plugged in searches for Hiv and kissing and found that some believe my behavior to have put me at risk. I am confused Dr. Bob and do not know much about HIV. Can you please tell me if I was indeed at risk by kissing her and if testing is warranted. I find it hard to sleep as all I keep doing is thinking I put myself at risk for something. Moreoever, was there any risk of anything for my children to have drank from her bottle?
Please feel free to call me idiotic, or whatever name you like if my questions come across offensive. I truly do not mean to, I just do not really know the facts or how it is exactly transmitted.
Thank you so much for your time...
A Very Nervous Dad...
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello Very Nervous Dad,
First addressing your two specific questions:
1. Kissing is not considered a significant risk for HIV acquisition/transmission. It's like the old song goes: "You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, as times goes by . . . ."
2. HIV is not transmitted by casual contact, such as sharing a water bottle! If HIV were transmitted that easily, it would have wiped out the planet long ago!
Nervous Dad, I'm not going to call you "idiotic," but I will say you are astonishingly uninformed when it comes to the subject of HIV! Where have you been for the past 28 years or so? None of this is new information. We've known exactly how HIV is and is not transmitted for decades!
Daddy-o, if you're getting back into the dating scene, it's time for you to get informed. Dating, making out and even having (safer) sex is supposed to be fun, not anxiety provoking! I'd suggest you spend some time (considerable time) perusing the wealth of information pertaining to STDs and HIV on this site, in its archives and on the related links.
Get informed and then get back in the game!
From a very nervous dad again Aug 30, 2009
Thanks Dr. Bob....I do feel like an idiot. Prior to my marriage I was in a 15 year relationship so I truly never did educate myself enough. Possibly plugging in searches for "can making out spread hiv" was not a good idea. There were several responses that came up stating it was possible, so being a single father of two, I freaked out immediately. Again, mainly because I am ignorant to the facts, obviously.
Thank you so much for adressing my concerns, unfortunately I do not feel I am ready to "get back in the game" obviously. Maybe when the kids are much older. However I will research more and when the time is right, remember your words of wisdom.
I wish you all the best Dr. Bob, again, what you do is nothing short of amazing!.
What was a "very nervous Dad".
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello Less-Nervous Dad,
You're very welcome. I would encourage you not to delay your personal happiness until "the kids are much older." Their age really has no bearing on your being able to have a satisfying emotional and sexual life! Your fears are irrational and can be overcome by becoming more informed about how to stay safe and healthy. I do hope you'll read through the wealth of information on this site, in its archives and on the related links. Your "Miss Happily Ever After" is out there just waiting for your call. Don't keep her waiting too long!
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