The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App 
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol
Ask the Experts About

Safe Sex and HIV PreventionSafe Sex and HIV Prevention
Rollover images to visit our other forums!
Recent AnswersAsk a Question
  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary

"Just came out, want to go back in" Follow-Up

Aug 26, 2009

Yes, it's Clooney Jr. again :p Hey doc, I just had a quick question and will donate again! I was wondering if someone was worried about ARS symptoms, specifically a very bad sore throat...then took Azithromycin tablets and the next day the sore throat was GONE! Would this type of medication clear up ARS, or was it never ARS if it cleared it up.

Thanks again, and you'd be happy to know I went to Vegas let loose and met some great guys. I'm trying not to be afraid of my sexuality anymore. You're the best. You're my beacon.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hey Clooney-clone,

Azithromycin is an antibiotic that fights bacteria. It would have no effect on virus-related symptoms.

By the way, the real Clooney is often spotted in Vegas as well. A Clooney and Clooney-clone hookup would be totally hot.

Dr. Bob

Just came out of the closet...want to go back in FOLLOWUP II Aug 13, 2009

Yes, people say I look like Clooney (ER Days);) I actually used to work at a place that did shows with look-alikes! Yeah...I needed the money lol Thanks for all that info, I truly can see now that a lot of my worry comes from insecurities within myself. People can never believe that I am gay. I mean, I'm a masculine gay man, not because I'm afraid of being noticed as gay but that's just who I am. So I always had women and just Gay clubs are crazzzzzy!! I'm humble but I know I'm good looking, and that scares me because I know I will be approached by men. And I'm afraid of intimacy. I haven't quite "been with" a man and it scares me that I may never find a man that will love me for me and not my external shell. And I think a lot of my insecurities and fear of HIV has caused me to create a barrier from finding love. I believe God, or a higher power, is completely taking care of us, and whatever happens in life is due to our own path. And I should trust in that path, wherever it leads. In the gay community, it seems as though a lot of men just want sex. It's so shallow and typical. I'm not like that. I work out, I take care of myself but for MYSELF. Not to "pick up guys. I'm rambling... Sorry. I just really appreciate your love and support. I wish I had you in real life, not cyber life. You're mate is a lucky man. I only hope to find that one day.

Response from Dr. Frascino


Clooney circa ER??? Damn, I am definitely going to tap you on your shoulder (or elsewhere) next time I see you!

Your worries are primarily the result of your twisted upbringing. Your image of gay men has been tainted by the stereotypes propagated by religious wingnuts and rightwing conservative whack jobs. A gay nightclub with horned-up guys looking for action is really no different than a straight nightclub with horned-up guys looking for action. As for finding Mr. Right, well you just came out like 15 seconds ago. Aren't your worries of "never finding a man that will love me for me" a bit premature?????

I can assure you that not all of us are circuit boys, just as all straight guys aren't beer-guzzling frat boys. Take a look at my "happily ever after." My legally married Mr. Wonderful is an HIV physician specialist, concert pianist, cruciverbalist (does the NY Times crossword puzzle every day)! If I found him (and he is heaven on a stick), I'm confident a Clooney-clone will be able to land a passionate gay Brad Pitt look-alike. Please invite Steve and me to the wedding, OK?

Dr. Bob

Just came out of the closet...want to go back in FOLLOWUP (RELIGION, COMING OUT, CHURCH LADY RANTS) Aug 11, 2009

You made me feel so much better! And, Yes my parents voted for Palin ugh!! I DIDN'T! Obama all the way! Just for you, today I'm going to wear my "legalize gay" shirt I bought at American Apparel but hadn't had the nerve to wear it! I should be proud, and you being one of "us" is even more so a reason to be proud! I love you always, and wish you nothing but the BEST and God is looking down at you and loving and accepting you as well as everyone else my parents say is "wrong". My parents need to get off their "holier than thou" and get real! Ah, I feel emancipated and free. All I needed was a push! I guess I won't have to wear my armor next time I go to the club to prevent a "prick" (in both senses of the word)

P.S I don't look like Cheney, more like Clooney ;)

Response from Dr. Frascino


You look like Clooney??? WOW. Hey, maybe that was me tapping you on the shoulder!

Just to show you are not alone, I'll post below a few select questions from the archives that deal with coming out, religious wingnuts and sexual orientation. There's much, much more in the archives. Check it out!

Dr. Bob

I Love Dr.Bob! (HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA) (GAY AGENDA) Dec 24, 2007

How do I say this? Dr.Bob, I LOVE YOU! The difficult part for me will be explaining this to my wife!I want to give you a big hug and tell you how much I appreciate the work you do. You're an amazing man! Be well! Stay well! Happy Holidays!

Response from Dr. Frascino


Another straight married guy in love with me??? Uh-oh. Don't tell the nutters at Focus on the Family, because they already think all gays spend most of their time recruiting heterosexuals as part of the Gay Agenda! (See below.)

Thanks for the cyber-hug and holiday wishes. I send both back thousand-fold.

Be well. Stay well. Nol!

Dr. Bob

The Gay Agenda

I know that many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it. Well, I have finally obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. It follows below:

6:00 am Gym

8:00 am Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)

9:00 am Hair appointment

10:00 am Shopping

12:00 PM Brunch

2:00 PM

1) Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments,

2) Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle,

3) Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages,

4) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels,

5) Establish planetary chain of homo breeding gulags where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership,

6) bulldoze all houses of worship, and

7) Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.

2:30 PM Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest

4:00 PM Cocktails

6:00 PM Light Dinner (soup, salad, with Chardonnay)

8:00 PM Theater

11:00 PM Bed (du jour)"

homosexual agenda Feb 4, 2006

Real cowboys aren't queer. You and your kind should stop trying to make normal people think what you do is OK. God made Adam and Eve not Adam and steve. You people just never give up. Do you? What is it that you really want? Hasn't AIDS taught you anything?

God fearing normal guy

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello God-Guy,

Real cowboys aren't queer??? Hmmm . . . why do you think the Lone Ranger and Tonto were such good buddies?

God actually made Adam, Eve and Steve (and Jack and Ennis, too). I'm glad you're a "God-fearing" guy (I just can't agree with the "normal" part of your moniker), because with your hateful self-righteous attitudes, I'll bet higher powers may be quite pissed off at you right now. (Who knows, at this very moment they could even be picking out a toasty vacation spot in which you may be spending eternity.)

AIDS has actually taught me a great deal and if you'd take the time to actually read my comments you might learn something as well. It appears at the moment that you don't even have a rudimentary understanding of HIV. (Somehow I'm not all that surprised.)

As for the shocking truth about what "we" want, I'll reprint a recent article by Mark Morford that ran in the San Francisco Chronicle last week. I think it does a good job of unmasking the sinister gay agenda. When you are finished reading it, don't bother writing back, because as Glenda the Good Witch once said, "Be gone. You have no power here."

I can only wish you enlightenment, but somehow I doubt that will come to such a dim bulb.

Dr. Bob

Here Is The Big Gay Agenda Revealed! The horrifying secret plot to homo-amplify America. Also: Dig this hetero agenda!

- By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist Friday, January 27, 2006

I have spoken with my gay friends. I have been to yoga classes and men's health spas and Restoration Hardware, chic rug shops and the Castro Starbucks and really cute restaurants featuring mixed baby greens that cost $12. I have observed. I have taken notes. I have checked the fashions and the cars and the skin-tight T-shirts, the newsletters and the bumper stickers and the secret codes hidden within the rainbow flag.

It is time to come clean. It is time to reveal the truth. After all, the religious right has been hammering at it for years, the pseudo-Christians and the homophobes and the sexually terrified all fully and truly believing that there is a plot, a massive, deep-seated agenda among the gay community not only to decriminalize and demystify homosexuality but to actually coerce and cajole and actively lure the innocent white babies of America into the sordid and well-dressed "gay lifestyle," so much so that, much like aliens living in underground cities in Area 51, well, there must be something to it.

Just look. Look at the wanton slew of nasty e-mails I received -- intermixed like bloody shrapnel amid a huge stack of gorgeous e-mail enthusiasm, mind -- in response to my recent column extolling the virtues of the heartbreaking, perspective-altering "Brokeback Mountain" phenom, wherein I dared to suggest that this spare and potent little film might actually help deflect the savage karmic pain of people like Samuel Alito and move the human experiment forward, just a little. What nerve I had.

"Mark, gay films move us back. To tell society, which includes children, that to stick a penis inside someones anus, a wholey unnatrual act is ok and normal is ubsurd. I don't hold anything against gays, I'm not one to judge people, they can do what they please, but to shove their pervertions down everyones throat, and to try to make it mainstream and teach children honosexualiy is a normal thing for people to do is sick." -- Steve W

Or this:

"It is really hard to believe that people like yourself are gloating over this film and are so proud of the degradation of our country (USA) that you have joined the masses and are HELL BENT on the destruction of Christianity, family values, and everything that is decent and what out forefathers have fought and died for in this country. Your kind are the real BIGOTS! You are the enemy of everything that is decent and good, you love death and destruction (that is what the homosexual lifestyle will lead to)..." -- Larry L

Isn't that sweet? Doesn't it make you feel good to be an American? Sure it does.

But you know what? Adorably rabid, misguided homophobes like Steve and Larry, they might have a point after all. Because after all my observations and when I really allow myself to be honest, I become convinced of the existence of a truly shocking gay lifestyle, an actual gay agenda far more sinister than even desperately misguided and morally lost people like Steve and Larry can comprehend. Do you know what it is? Do you want to know the real gay agenda, what 96.8 percent of all gay couples wish for every single day including Sunday? Here it is: From what I can glean and above all else, the gay people of America seem to want this simply inexcusable level of boundless, unchecked normalcy. It's true. For some reason, they believe the utterly disgusting idea that they should be able to live their lives in peace and trust and health, with full support and assistance from their schools and hospitals and government, just like everyone else. I know. Shudder.

It is, in fact, remarkably similar to what heteros want. And women. And black people. And immigrants. And dwarves. That is, to be able to fall in love and maybe even get married (or at least have the option) and have decreasing amounts of sex and raise a family and hold down a good job and pay their taxes and argue with their lovers over who the hell spent 200 bucks on long distance to their mother, all while not having to worry about getting the living crap beaten out of them with tire chains by Arkansas and Alabama and most of Texas, or secretly loathed by small-minded pseudo-Christians who wouldn't know Jesus' true message if it bit them on the other cheek. Ah, the deviousness of it all, the sheer nerve to desire the same sort of lives as everyone else. But do you want to know the kicker? The true aspect of the "gay agenda" that makes the religious right's skin really crawl? Here it is: When all of that normalcy is in place, when these repulsive gay beings who like to walk around in public and eat at restaurants and drink their lattes and laugh out loud and stick things into each other's bodies for sexual pleasure, well, they want the most appalling thing of all: They just want to be left alone.

I know. It's hideous. How dare they! How dare most gays ask not to be harassed and not really care to flaunt their sexuality or convince anyone that homosexuality is cool or righteous or the only way to be, beyond reassuring children that it's OK to be whatever religion or sexual orientation your mind and body and heart and soul guide you to be. Can you imagine? What horror. Ignorant, intolerant schoolteachers should protest that nasty idea right now. Oh wait. This is, in fact, the most sinister gay agenda of all. Normalcy. Lack of fear. Happiness. The right to be miserably in love just like everyone else and have it recognized by the culture as, well, no big deal. Safe. Healthy. Beautiful, even. What nerve.

To Steve and Larry's great dismay, gay people do not seem to care in the slightest for converting anyone to homosexuality, which of course would be the equivalent of converting a frying pan into a doorknob. It simply cannot be done. It's bitterly sad that this must be repeated so frequently in terms so simple that even Steve and Larry can comprehend, but gayness is no more a lifestyle choice than is blond hair or blood type or that knowledge, deep down in your skin, that Bush is raping the soul of the nation. It just is. Much can be learned from this shocking revelation. Much we can glean from the gay agenda's "true" motivations -- most notably in how it contrasts with the famed and beloved Christian neoconservative heterosexual agenda, the one that instructs that you please keep your mouth shut and blindly believe in the same bitter God as everyone else, and by the way please bury your true sexuality and get married at 23 and pop out six kids and become quickly and quietly miserable and gain 30 pounds and stop having sex entirely and get divorced at 50 and wake up just in time to watch yourself die.

Oh my yes, that has proven to be just so much better, hasn't it, Steve? Larry?


Hmmm isn't it funny that when a religious belief doesnt fit into someone's life you have to automatically refer to it as a cult to make yourself feel better. The USA is becoming hell on earth. We allow people to be gay, we allow abortion, we are becoming everything that the bible does not want for us to become. I guarantee you Dr. Bob that if you were not perverted, ooops, I mean gay then you would preach about how great the bible and it's messages are, but since you are perverted (gay) then you refer to Catholicism as a cult. Other then that you are a great man that has done a lot, but now chooses to believe in the BIG BANG THEORY. Do you honestly think that some explosion created emotion, like love, passion, hate etc. Or things like dolphins, mountains, plants etc. The answer is NO. Im sure God will forgive you as you have done WAY more good then bad, he will probably let slide the fact that you choose to be gay, but he will never forgive you for referring to Catholicism as a cult or for rebuking some of the words from the Bible. Sorry for the bashing but we want you to get back to youre Italian roots and become a practicing Catholic again. I dare you to go to a Catholic church again, I guarantee you will love it.

Response from Dr. Frascino


Back again??? Don't you have any other hobbies other than lurking around this forum pestering me? Perhaps it's your prurient interests (now that really would qualify as perverted) or maybe it's just vicarious thrills of feeling superior at the expense of other people's worry and misfortune. Or maybe you're just infatuated with me. Careful, that just might qualify as a sin!

To once again refute your balderdash:

1. I did not refer to Catholicism as a cult to make myself feel better. I used the word because it is accurate. Cult is derived from the Latin word "cultus," which means worship. Its formal definition is "a system or community of religious worship and ritual." OK? Yes, it can have other meanings, such as "an exclusive group of persons sharing an esoteric, usually artistic or intellectual interest" or "an obsessive, especially faddish devotion to or veneration of a person, principle or thing," however, there is no doubt all religions are indeed cults in the true sense of the word!

2. The U.S. is becoming hell on earth???? Hmm . . . OK, we agree on the global warming issue! Next!

3. We "allow" people to be gay? Sorry dearie, this is where your lack of science and common sense become painfully obvious. Sexual orientation is not a choice. This has been proven beyond even a shadow of a doubt. Your "ex-gay" ministries and "reparative therapy" programs have been a documented colossal failure causing considerable psychological harm to those unlucky enough to have been subjected to them. In other words sweetie, we don't allow people to be gay anymore than we allow you to be straight (if indeed you are).

4. We "allow" abortion? Yep! We do. And if we "allowed" science-based sexual education back into our schools, we'd also significantly decrease the need for abortions. Our focus needs to be on preventing the need for abortions, not outlawing a woman's right to control her own body. Abstinence-only doesn't work! (Your Catholic Priests tried that and we all know how well that worked out!)

5. Calling me perverted is childish. Shame on you.

6. As for the evolution-versus-creationism argument, once again science and common sense come into play. We have an enormous body of solid scientific evidence supporting evolution (Dubya's incredible resemblance to a baboon, for instance) and absolutely no evidence for your belief that Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church every Sunday in the Garden of Eden.

7. As for God judging me, that's entirely up to HER. By the way SHE will also be judging you.

8. As for pointing out that the Bible is riddled with inconsistencies and nonsense, I'm merely quoting passages from your book! (See below. I'll reprint them for the edification and amusement of our more intellectual readers.)

9. As for your guarantee that if I went to a Catholic church again I'd love it, well I tried it and I can assure you I did not love it. Guys parading around in dresses and hats that are more gay than anything I've seen at a gay pride parade and swinging incense-filled smoking contraptions (it looked like he was carrying a purse that was on fire), uninspired hymns, a congregation half asleep going through the motions while their minds were miles away and a sermon that somehow seemed to be promoting a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage delivered by a priest who has not only never been married, but is, statistically speaking, probably gay himself. Yeah, I had a marvelous time. What other fun activities would you suggest I try? How about removing my ears with a cheese grater?

So Church Lady, so you won't waste any more of your (or my) time, I'm ending this discussion and putting you on a "permanently ignore" status. Should you write back, as inevitably you will I won't even see it!

So my dear, I guess this is goodbye (and good riddance). This is an HIV-information Web site devoted to science and compassion. (You are sorely lacking in both.)

Ciao! And I'll say a prayer for you. No really. I will.

Dr. Bob

Church Lady got you on this one! (CHURCH LADY AND HER BIBLE RULES) Feb 8, 2008

You have listed a large number of things you have done that you count as good. What you have not done is profess a belief in Jesus Christ for your salvation (at least not in your response). Also, if you have put your faith in Jesus Christ to save you then you must also do his will which is to follow the Bible which clearly calls homosexuality a sin.

You are obviously confusing your will with the will of God. You obviously have someone you love very much and cannot see yourself without him. But to confuse that with God's will is still sin no matter how long you have been together. Your works will not get you into heaven but will be judged for reward once you are there.

I don't expect my words to immediately influence you but may plant a seed that will develop later. Until then

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Churchy-Guy,

Yikes! You think Church Lady "got me" on her rant??? (See below.) Respectfully I would have to disagree. So God's will is I should abandon the love of my life and a 14-year union and I should wait until marriage to have sex??? Hmm . . . . I don't think Jesus, who seems like a pretty reasonable guy to me, would agree. Besides, since gays can't get married, due to rightwing wing-nuts like you, that would mean I would never ever have sex again??? Hmm . . . I'm Italian, so that's impossible, OK? So you are apparently a Bible literalist? Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. You believe that all gay people should heed Leviticus 18:22 which clearly states homosexuality is an abomination. End of debate. OK , that being the case could you also explain some of the other specific laws in the bible and how to follow them? For example:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

My buddy would like to sell his daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

I do hope you'll be able to help me with those problems, just as your reading my forum has hopefully helped you with your pent-up sexual frustrations. In the meantime, I will not be working to get into your twisted version of heaven, but rather continue to help others here on earth. And to use your quotes, "I don't expect my words to immediately influence you but may plant a seed that will develop later. Until then please take care."

Dr. Bob

Enlightened ???

Feb 6, 2008

The "Obama-Hillary" debate from a couple of nights ago was finally civil due to the fact they were told by the Democratic Party that their childish ramblings in past debates were driving undecided voters to McCain. Please don't give these two too much credit or I will really think you don't understand politics.

As for being enlightened, if you call living your life in a gay relationship being enlightened then you my friend are the one that needs enlightened. You obviously don't think homosexuality is a sin and have confessed that you believe in evolution even though the bible is very clear on both. This means you are either a christian living out of the will of God or a non-christian. I am not sure which you are but either way you truly need to be enlightened.

By the way, God wins in the end so you can defend your position on gays and evolution if you would like but I would rather take God's side.

What you call being positive about sex I call promotion of sexual impurity. You have constantly promoted sex out of a committed relationship (i.e. marriage) by cheering for people that have had one night stands (as long as they wear a condom of course). Even if you have a strong sexual perversion don't you think you should encourage these people to get their acts straight or would them getting their acts straight make you feel abnormal??

Response from Dr. Frascino


Why is it that the most closed-minded people think the rest of us need their twisted vision of enlightenment???

"You obviously don't think homosexuality is a sin . . . ." Yep, you got that one right! ". . . and you have confessed that you don't believe in evolution even though the bible is very clear on both." Yep, despite the odd use of the word "confessed," you are correct once again! I'm not at all surprised that you find my medically sound and scientifically based view of a healthy sex life to be "promotion of sexual impurity" and refer to a healthy sexual appetite as "sexual perversion." Well, I do agree the higher powers will have their way in the end and I'm willing to bet SHE is not going to be very happy with your self-righteous, sex-phobic bullshit. By the way, Church Lady, exactly what are you doing here lurking on the sex channel anyway??? I'm sure in your "enlightened world" even reading my comments must be a sin. When judgment day does come, I'll gladly stake my life's work dedicated to helping those in need as an HIV/AIDS physician specialist, as cofounder of two medical clinics devoted to the compassionate and comprehensive care of people living with HIV/AIDS, as founder and president of a not-for-profit charitable organization that has raised well over one million dollars for men, women and children in desperate need living with HIV/AIDS around the world and as an advocate of HIV/AIDS awareness, prevention and treatment. In addition I gladly compare my 14-year loving relationship with my partner Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) to any other union, "sanctified" or not. By the way dearie, what do you have to show for your Bible-driven life?

Well, as Glinda the Good Witch told the Wicked Witch of the West, "Be gone. You have no power here."

Dr. Bob

Christ! (CHURCH LADY COMMENT) Feb 21, 2008

Isn't it odd that Christian homophobes, some of whom seem to visit this site, omit saying that Christ had absolutely no comment to make on homosexuality (as far as I recall from a very religious upbringing). Yet homosexuality obviously existed about 2,000 years ago (Greek love?). Perhaps Christ thought it was not a big deal. Perhaps he preferred to concentrate on love, forgiveness, treating others as you would wish to be treated, turning the other cheek, not throwing the first stone.

As for those who rejoice in the awful fate of Matthew Shepard, look at Matthew 25.40 "And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

I'm not religious any more: couldn't stand the amount of hypocrisy shown by many 'believers'.


Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi Ken,

Yeah, the church lady continues to hound me with loving messages about my going straight to hell for my evil ways. I'm convinced she'll return in her next life as a dung beetle.

Be well Ken.

Dr. Bob

Just admit you are not trying to live by the Bible (PERSISTENT CHURCH LADY RETURNS) Feb 11, 2008

I am not judging you in any way but the Bible seems to be very clear in the fact you are living a lifestyle that is sinful and perverted. Notice the word used for men lusting after men is "vile".

Scriptures say exactly why the wrath of God abides on the homosexuals: "For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who withhold the truth in unrighteousness.... because when they knew God they glorified Him not as God but became vain in their imaginations.... Professing themselves to wise, they became fools, ..... Wherefore God gave them up to dishonor their bodies among themselves...Who exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worship and served the creature more than the Creator... FOR THIS CAUSE God gave them up to vile affections....and likewise the men also, leaving the NATURAL use of the woman, burned in their lust toward one another, men with men,... receiving in themselves THE JUST RECOMPENSE FOR THEIR ERROR,... God gave them over to a reprobate mind,.... filled with all unrighteousness, ...full of envy, murder, deceit,....haters of God,...proud,...without understanding,...who, KNOWING THE JUDGMENT OF GOD, that they which commit such things ARE WORTHY OF (ETERNAL) DEATH..." (Romans 1: 18-32)

I think Church Lady is trying to help you out of your state of ignorance. The people the Bible speaks of earlier didn't realize they were in great sin until it was too late and I'm afraid you will not either.

If you are not going to change your lifestyle at least admit you are not trying to live a Christian life.

Response from Dr. Frascino


Are you back again?

OK, dearie, one last time: If the Bible "seems" clear that I am "living a lifestyle that is sinful and perverted," the Bible (or at least your twisted interpretation of it) is clearly wrong. Most importantly science and the entire field of medicine have definitively determined sexual orientation is not a "lifestyle" choice! Your choosing to spend Sunday mornings waving your arms in the air and singing hymns off key is a lifestyle choice. Being gay is not. Despite your gobbledygook quotes, I certainly will not "admit" I am not trying to live a Christian life. In fact, the way I see it, my life is far more "Christian" than most and perhaps you are one who should admit that. Although I doubt that will ever happen. Now I must remind you that this is an AIDS information Web site dedicated to saving lives, not a forum for proselytizing to save souls. So this discussion ends here.

I'll say a prayer to the higher powers for you. No, really, I will. Your condescending judgmental nature and close-mindedness certainly need it.

Dr. Bob


Why is it that the most closed-minded people think the rest of us need their twisted vision of enlightenment???

I know that question was rhetorical, but... in case the false Christian is still reading, I'll over simplify just for them.

Fears of being alone and being wrong. "If they aren't alone, then they must not be wrong."

Response from Dr. Frascino


Well put! It's amazing how many of them have decided to drink the Kool-Aid! Isn't it? (See below)

Dr. Bob

Wouldn't mock the Bible if I were you! Feb 9, 2008

I, like "Church Lady" do believe that the Bible calls homosexuality a sin and sex before marriage a sin. The fact you have brought forth many examples, mainly out of the Old Testament and meant for that time, does not mean it is ok for you to purposely sin against God.

And yes, Jesus is very reasonable and yes Jesus does not want, but commands you to stay away from homosexuality and sex before marriage. This was not a suggestion but a command that if not followed will lead to doom no matter how many times you mock the Bible.

"Church Lady" is correct and one day you will wish you had given her Bible-beased thoughts more consideration. I promise you she is trying to lead you from a path of destruction.

Response from Dr. Frascino


Let me get this straight. So all those ridiculous rules and various "abominations" that I quoted from the Bible were "mainly out of the Old Testament and meant for that time," but the equally ludicrous claim that homosexuality is an abomination also drawn from the Old Testament is somehow still relevant??? Hmm . . . is it just me or is your logic more than a bit whacko???

Sorry sweetie, you'll have to take your nonsense and negativism elsewhere. It holds no power here. And by they way Miss Holier-Than-Thou, what are you doing lurking here on the sex channel anyway???

Dr. Bob


Why can't gay people have babies? (sign from God) My priest said that if everyone were gay the human race would end. I heard that science states that some people are born gay, science also states that some people are born with an addictive gene, meaning that if they try cocaine once they will be hoocked, while another person who tries cocaine will never do it again, so what I am trying to say is that just because you are born with a specific gene it does not make it ok. Being gay is perverted and a temptation by the devil which you have to fight.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Clueless,

You think it's a sign from God that gay people can't have babies??? Hmm . . . let me guess. Biology, science and common sense are not your strong suits, right??? Please note, lesbians are indeed gay people and they are very capable of having babies and often do just that! Also many gay men have babies using a surrogate mother and in vitro fertilization techniques (just like many hetero-couples.) So apparently God has no problem whatsoever with gay people procreating! Your priest said that if everyone were gay the human race would end. My, what a brilliant and insightful (read: dimwitted and moronic) person your priest must be! If you would be so kind, please advise your feckless holy man that by using his absurd "logic" it could also be said that if everyone were priests the human race would end!!! Chances are he'll look aghast and blurt out some other "brilliant" comment, such as "but my dear child not everyone is a priest." Then you could say, "But Father, not everyone is gay either." So I guess the world will continue after all.

Being gay is neither perverted nor is a temptation from some imaginary figure sporting horns and a long pointy tail. Wake up sweetie. What we need to fight is not sexual orientation but rather ignorance and homophobia, both of which are personified by the guy in the black frock spouting nonsense. I'll say a prayer for him. No really I will.

Dr. Bob

I'm GAY and lonely. Feb 11, 2008

Dear Dr. Bob,

For as long as I can remember, I've struggled with having feelings for other guys. However, I always buried them and denied that they were real. Like many others, I was raised in a religious home and being gay was not an option, you'd have been shunned.

Anyway, I was foolish enough to think that marriage would somehow "cure" me and that if I could just have sex with a woman, maybe the desire to be with a man would go away. Well it hasn't. I was encouraged by my religious leaders to pray for the strength to overcome such feelings. Well, I'm sick of trying to pray my way out of being gay, it hasn't worked, and now I face the difficult task of telling my wife. She is the sweetest woman in the world, and will be crushed. However, she deserves to know and deserves the kind of intamacy that I'm unable to give her.

Sometimes, I find myself drifting off into this fantasy world where I've met the man of my dreams. We don't give a fuck about what other people think about us because we're in love and we're deeply commited to each other. We adopt children and are happy because we're not living a lie or hiding behind a vale of secrecy. However, the reality is that the gay world doesn't seem much more appealing to me than the lie I'm currently living. It's shallow, fleeting and full of NSA sex and one night stands; there's nothing commited or long term about it.

I guess I really don't have a question, though HIV is something that I worry about when and if I transition into the gay lifestyle. I'd appreciate any advice/help you have to offer. Thanks for the time you spend answering so many questions. Especially from the religious bigots (or bigettes, as has been the case lately). I know their kind all too well. Sincereley,

Your Troubled Friend

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Troubled Friend,

Your situation is sadly all too common. A "religious" upbringing where being gay was "not an option." As you've now discovered, sexual orientation is not a choice. Far too many folks have entered in marriage hoping to "cure" their homosexuality, only to discover a homosexual orientation is normal and therefore there really isn't anything to "cure" except homophobia! Despite the church's many attempts to alter sexual orientation with prayers and reparative therapy, there is no such thing as an ex-gay. Science and medicine have confirmed these approaches do far more harm than good and have been a colossal failure. So now you have to come to terms with your sexual orientation and the coming out process has been made much more difficult as a consequence of your marriage. Truth and honesty, however, is never the wrong path to follow. Being honest with yourself and your wife is the right thing to do for both of you.

Your image of the gay world is not accurate. True, some gay relationships may seem to be more transient and less committed and perhaps this is a consequence of the fact that gay relationships are not recognized or valued by family, places of employment or our current government. However, if you could have seen the frenzy of excitement here in San Francisco a few years back when our mayor Gavin Newsom sanctioned marriage licenses to gay couples, I think your image of gays not wanting to be committed would have drastically changed. There were lines around the block at City Hall of committed gay and lesbian couples ecstatic to legalize their longstanding unions. As for shallow flings, NSA sex and one-night stands, I can assure you gays don't hold the corner on those types of trysts. Just hit any hetero singles bar on a Saturday night and you'll see what I mean. Gay or straight, we're all just people. In time we all long to settle down with our mate. Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) and I have been together for over 14 years and I couldn't imagine life without him. Our circle of close friends includes many very successful long-term gay and lesbian couples. Finding Mr. Right as a gay man is really no different than finding Ms. Right as a straight dude. We all want our happily every after and from personal experience, I can tell you some of us have found it. So can you.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

I think my husband is gay Dec 11, 2006

When my husband & I first started living together 28 years ago, he went out one night and came home with some stranger (another man) he met at a bar. I told the man to leave. I thought then, that my spouse had homosexual tendencies or he was bi. We never talked about it. I kicked it under the carpet so to speak. Well now after all these years, being married,having two daughters (25,23) he has been acting different. He seems to have all of these male acquaintances that he has told me about, yet I have never met them. He travels alot for his company. Our youngest daughter is gay and she brought a gay male friend of hers over to our house one day. My husband just stared at him (a lusty stare). He has asked our gay daughter where does she and her friends hang out? He barely touches me anymore (sexually). He even asked if my daughter's friend was coming over for Thanksgiving. I asked him why would this young man be coming over? A few years ago, we would take drives around gay areas of the city we live in and I would ask him why? I have asked him if he was gay..he says "No" which in my gut and heart I think he is lying. We own many properties in the city we ive in and one man lives in a particular place near my husband's place of business. This man is always late with his rent check, yet my husband who normally is a "freak" about money, lets this man slide, never charges him a late fee like he would with the other tenants of other properties. Please tell me what you think. I have had myself tested for all STD's and HIV. Is my intuition telling me the truth. I would not hate this man if he was gay, I would like to move on in my life but I feel he wants me as the token wife so he can hide his true self which to me is selfish. Please, Please tell me what you think. Thank you.

Response from Dr. Frascino


Your husband comes home from a bar with "some stranger (another man);" he stares a "lusty stare" at your lesbian's daughter's gay male friends and asks your daughter where she and her gay buddies hang out; he barely touches you sexually; he takes you on drives around the gay area of town; he has many male "acquaintances" you've never met; he's uncharacteristically lenient and generous toward one guy in one of your buildings near your husband's office and you are wondering if your "intuition" is correct that your hubby may be gay????? Hmmm . . . I wouldn't call that intuition exactly. Perhaps "a keen sense for the obvious" might be more accurate.

It seems to me your husband is indeed gay and may well be leading a closeted life. It's tragic for everyone involved that you both allowed this to be "kicked under the carpet" so many years ago!!! It's time you and your hubby have "the talk!" I'd suggest you do it with the help of a marriage counselor, as this will be a difficult conversation for you both.

Finally, if you're at all still wondering if he's gay, try this: say "Judy, Liza, Joan, Mary and Barbara" and if he immediately says "Garland, Minnelli, Crawford, Tyler-Moore and Streisand," you can be sure he's gayer than the windows at Macy's at Christmas.

Dr. Bob

scared for me and my wife please help!
Instant HIV test Conclusive?

  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary

 Get Email Notifications When This Forum Updates or Subscribe With RSS



This forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not rendering medical, mental health, legal or other professional advice or services. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, mental health, legal or other problem that requires advice, consult your own caregiver, attorney or other qualified professional.

Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither nor any advertiser is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.

Review our complete terms of use and copyright notice.

Powered by ExpertViewpoint