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Dr EEERRRRRGH! Handsome
Jul 29, 2009

You Are THE BODY errr! Jan 27, 2006

Ok, Doc Handsome what gives here? I had a relatively high exposure w/ a hooker who I probed her money hole w/ my thumb which had a deep nail injury wound that bled after or possibly during the probing action into her sexual organs.

The rest is typical, burning tongue, fatigue, blah, blahg, blah. 3 Elisa 1st generation tests out to 5and 1/2 months all NEGATIVICO. Felt like shit for another year after but too chicken to thake the test again.

After five long years, I now feel great, jog, dring, have sex etc.. but everytime I get the sniffles I think the worst. My wife was recently diognosed w/ Iritis and I was convinced that it was from my HIV infection which is now in it's latent stage. Since I know that that fateful night of probing the depts of a strange Vagina procured HIV into my body, do you thing that 5 years and still feeling great could classify me as a long term non progresser? OR AM I HIV FREE AS MY WIFE CLAIMS,AND JUST A PLAIN PSYCO...Help Dr. Beautiful. Oh How I sometimes wish that I was gay sitting next to you in a Martini Bar flirting

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Dr. Handsome? Dr. Beautiful? Hmm . . . I bet you say that to all the physician cyber-sexperts you are trying to sweet-talk into answering your questions now don't you?!?

Dude, you tested repeatedly "NEGATIVICO" out to 5.5 months from the time you thumbed the hooker's Bermuda Triangle of Pleasure. Exactly what part of "You are HIV negative" are you having difficulty understanding???

"Since I know that that fateful night of probing the 'depts' of a strange vagina procured HIV into my body . . . ." What???? HIV is not "procured" and you definitely don't have it! You then wonder if I would "classify (you) as a long-term nonprogressor!" No, sorry Charlie, you're bordering on a long-term whack job, but certainly not a long-term nonprogressor! In order to be a long-term nonprogressor you need to have acquired the virus so it could progress or not! You never acquired HIV. Rather you acquired "fear of HIV!" So are you "PLAIN PSYCO"? No, I wouldn't call you "plain" and I should point out "psycho" is spelled with an "h."

If indeed every time you get the sniffles you "think the worst" and you remain convinced you are "virally enhanced" despite overwhelming and irrefutable evidence to the contrary, I'd suggest you seek the help of a therapist. Psychotherapy (counseling) can help you confront and eventually conquer these totally irrational and completely unwarranted fears of being HIV infected.

Finally, as for sometimes wishing you were sitting next to me in a martini bar flirting, I have only two comments:

1. Your wife may have a bigger problem than she ever imagined.

2. Why is it that I seem to be a "nutcase magnet" every time I visit a swanky martini bar?

Dude, stop worrying, start WOO-HOOing and please order me another Grey Goose vodka martini with triple olives.

Be well. Stay well. Remember, HIV is not your problem! No way. No how.

Dr. Bob



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