|you saved me once already....
Jun 9, 2009
Hi, I contacted you late last year (guy in ireland, unprotected sex with african woman, and all the symptoms too), you responded, i donated on each occasion. I was grateful for your help and it did save me at the time from suicide.
However i cant find the strength to get tested and medically proven that i have HIV. I know my health is deteriorating, i can feel it, i sleep endless hours and wonder how i ever could have been so tired. I know 99.999999% that i have HIV. But i am afraid when i get a 100% definite that i will kill myslef.
I have no one and no one to tell or talk to. Is there anything i can do to prepare myself or to convince myself to be tested. I just want to curl up and die. I guess thats exactly what i am doing anyway. To be honest i dont want to die. I want to live. I am just afraid I will kill myslef on hearing those words "you have HIV". That the shock will be just too much.
And yes if im so sure already there will be no shock, im sure you would say. I guess i really deny it now. Sometimes though for a moment i accept it and have panic attacks and come close to passing out until i reassure myself again that its not 100% for sure, not yet.
i will donate,
please reply, please advise
after how long do people usually need to start taking meds?
without meds what is the life expectancy i.e. if i carry on, ignore it.
Regards and thank you
p.s. i will donate again , please reply
| Response from Dr. Frascino
Thinking you are 99.999999% sure you have HIV and actually having HIV are two very different things. A quick read through the archives will reveal many similar testimonials whose authors ultimately turned out to be HIV negative! Have a look!
"I have no one and no one to tell or talk to." If that is the case, I recommend you see a psychotherapist. You are obviously suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and depression. These conditions are amenable to treatment. This type of professional counseling is the best way for you to put your situation into its proper perspective and do what needs to be done.
As I have said before, when it comes to HIV what you don't know can kill you! If I had decided to try to ignore and deny my HIV risk after my needlestick exposure in January 1991 by not getting tested, I'd be pushing up daisies right now rather than responding to your anxiety-filled question.
To answer your specific questions:
1. There is no usual time to start medications, because there are far too many variables: viral strain, immune integrity, concurrent infections, age, etc.
2. Obviously, you can't ignore it. You're writing to me along with your having panic attacks, anxiety and depression is testament to that fact. Denial is no longer a viable option.
I strongly urge you to get the psychiatric treatment you desperately need without further delay. Bring a copy of this post and my response to your first visit and show it to your therapist. It will help focus your treatment and speed your recovery. Please note we have many folks as anxious as you come to the Frascino Medical Group for HIV testing. We may need to hold their hands or even hug them for the full 20 minutes it takes for the test to develop, but we get them through it. Whatever the result, whether positive or negative, once they know, everything becomes much easier for them, because they either can WOO-HOO (which happens in the vast, vast, vast majority of cases) or they know exactly what they need to do next (we help them with that).
I'm sending you my very best good-luck/good-health karma. I sincerely hope you'll follow my advice.
Good luck. I'm here if you need me, OK?
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