|Tired and scared military bound individual.
May 26, 2009
I don't mean to add literature to something that may be thoroughly covered already but after much reading I am still feeling stuck. It has been 32 days since I put my drunken self in a bad position...(well that made me smile for the first time in a month) *in a bad situation* with a girl whom I have been unable to find since. I am 23 and am supposed to be leaving for the military this fall. I have put all my dreams and hopes in this and feel like i am about to lose out on these. the week following the incident I had been with my partner. I got tested that week as well for I found a lump growing on my testicle that started to hurt. three weeks to the day my partner got "sick." I was with her that night and the next day after heavy excercise I had started to feel fatigued. It has been 11 days in a row now that I have felt like i wake every morning to a nightmare. I have fairly bad fatigue, shortness of breath, dark rings under my consistently red eyes. I look drawn out in the face. I am not sure of a fever for I have a low base line anyway...but have also had dark green soft stool for this whole time. I have lost 4 lbs and have little appetite. I feel different mentally although I know my brain lives on anxiety. My partner had a sore throat and fatigue mostly. I have seen my doc 3 times now and came away with less answers. he checked my throat, testicles, eyes and said he didnt think I was infected and to try and not think about it i.e. terrible anxiety/fear until the my next test which is july 2nd (incident april 20th). This is fine. It felt some what sane to cry and finally tell my mother and partner of my concern. but for someone who is in good physical shape I got out of the pool the other day and felt worse. I feel and look terrible. Reading the early symptoms certainly makes it worse. My fears of not getting my education on that big boat or what it will mean to tell my younger siblings, or not grow old with my partner are wearing whats left very thin. I am tired, but not sleeping well. I am not sure I am scared anymore, just trying to find comfort or answers. "If not HIV then why would I still feel this way" kind of thing. I think what you do here is admirable beyond belief. thank you for your time it means a lot to everyone here I believe.
| Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello Military Bound Guy,
It's difficult for me to assess your specific risk, as you did not provide details of your drunken bad position/situation. Assuming that it involved unprotected/unsafe sex (in any position!), this would put you at some degree of risk for STDs, including HIV. Consequently testing at the three-month mark is warranted. Please note, even if your mystery gal-pal was "positively charged" (so to speak), not every HIV exposure leads to HIV transmission!
As for symptoms, yes this has been extremely thoroughly covered in the archives. (Check out the extensive chapter dedicated to symptoms in the archives of this forum.) However, nobody seems to believe the fact that HIV symptoms are notoriously unreliable in predicting who is or is not HIV infected.
I believe you identified the cause of your current symptoms when you wrote "my brain lives on anxiety." No doubt anxiety and guilt are causing much of your current misery. Guilt, anxiety and depression are frequently associated with fatigue, decreased appetite, sleep disturbance, shortness of breath and a host of other symptoms. The three-month window period is unquestionably a stressful time and you are not handling this stress well. In fact the stress is making you ill. I would advise you seek counseling to help you cope with your guilt and the anxiety generated during this stressful 3 month time period. You are not alone in having a drunken lapse in judgment or in having a difficult time coping with the window period. I suggest you peruse the testimonials in the archives of this forum. I'm confident you'll find this enlightening and reassuring.
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