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How to cope with sex with my HIV poz boyfriend

May 10, 2009

Dr. Bob,

I am a 25 y.o. girl. My 29 y.o. boyfriend tested positive for HIV. Last time he got tested was on dec 07 (before we started going out) and he had unprotected sex a few times before that. Since then we have had mainly protected sex and a few times without. Luckily I have tested negative in the 3 month window and will hopefully not have been infected.

My bf is now in treatment. Hs CD4 count was aorund 300 and VL at 29,000 and the Dr adviced him to start. This was a month ago.

Now asumming that he will respond well, rise his cd4 count and lower his VL to undetectable levels, i wanted to ask about safe sex techniques since I am really preocupied about getting infected but I love him and want to continue my relationship.

If we always used condoms, if he were to pull out before ejaculating (at least almost everytime), if we used condoms for oral sex and tongue kissing (with no sore son mouth), should I feel completely safe? I would hate it to have to think about getting tested every 3 months for the rest of my life unless of course a condom broke.

Are there any probability numbers you can give me about getting infected or not.

Thanx Dr. Bob!


Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Deb,

There is no way to be "completely safe" unless you don't have sex. That is not an option for most of us. Certainly you can reduce your risk of acquiring the virus by safer sex techniques. Remember there is a certain amount of risk involved in many of our daily activities: driving a car, taking a plane, running with the bulls in Pamplona, etc. We each decide what level of risk is acceptable to us. The same thing applies to sex. Both you and your positively charged Mr. Happily-Ever-After should read through the chapters in the archives of this forum devoted to magnetic couples, HIV sexual prevention, HIV sexual transmission and safer sexual techniques.

Deb, you may or may not know that I too am in a magnetic relationship. You can read about that in the archives as well.

Good luck Deb.

Dr. Bob

Viroal load still not undectable after starting treatment
from EGYPT

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