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i'm living with an hiv positive lady
May 7, 2009

she tested positive in december 2007,i tested negative twice after i learned that,we've been having safe and protected sex for a year now.the problem is she is too religious that she does not want to follow up on her cd4 counter.she believes she is fine,everytime she checks in the mirror it doesn't show any sign of disease.if she gets to that stage of aids is it not going to be dangerous to still have sex?i have tried on several occasions to leave her but she threatened to commit suicide,how can i deal with this situation??

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

Not only are you living with "an HIV positive lady;" you're also living with a loony tunes whack job who is both pathologically manipulative and living in a deep state of denial. Staying with someone only because she threatens to commit suicide if you leave is wrong on so many levels. There is no doubt your gal-pal needs a shrink. I would suggest you have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Acknowledge her fears about being HIV infected. Advise her that threatening suicide is unacceptable. Offer to go with her to see a psychiatrist as a condition of your staying even temporarily. If she won't go, leave and don't look back. Your gal-pal is on self-destruct autopilot and you don't need to be around to pick up the pieces when she crashes. If she does go to the psychiatrist, make sure you inform him of her suicidal threats, her denial of her HIV disease status and your desire to leave the relationship. A good psychiatrist is the best bet for getting your manipulative gal-pal to face reality and see what's really in that mirror she's gazing into. Remember this is her problem. Not yours. Offer to help but don't be manipulated by her histrionics.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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