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Newbie seeks advice. Please answer if you can!

May 6, 2009

I found this site whilst googling - I need some advice and I hope someone can help me with that.

I'm 35, and have been with my partner for 20 years, by that I mean I have had no other sexual partners, nor have I ever had anal sex of any kind. I don't do drugs at all - either smoking or injecting. And both of us have been faithful throughout our relationship, without exception.

My possible exposures is this; two months ago at a business conference in London and after having too much to drink, I ended up giving another man a blowjob. I was very drunk and am not sure that I even had his penis in my mouth, but am assuming that I did. While I didn't time the event it was literally a second or two, before I came to my senses and broke off contact with this man. As far as I can remember there was no pre-cum, cum or any other disfiguring marks on his penis or in that general area. I didn't know the man before this incident, so I have no way of knowing his status, whether he is Bi or does drugs or sleeps around.

That this happened was totally out of character for me and has left me feeling ashamed and feeling "dirty". I booked an appointment at a private clinic and had some tests done; Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea, NGU and NSU and they all came back negative. I also had the same tests done again at an NHS hospital. Again the results were negative. I have also had no symptoms whatsoever, nothing at all. However I know symptoms are not a guide for diagnosis.

Both doctors told me that the risk of HIV infection was either non-existant (private clinic) or minimal (NHS). And that testing, although available wasn't warranted for this single episode. Is this information this correct?

I came here to ask this because I don't know the answers - relationship wise it hasn't been anything I've had to worry about before, so I would really appreciate some honest answers.

Thank you.


Response from Dr. Frascino


I agree with the assessment and advice you've been given by the other two doctors. Your HIV-acquisition risk is negligible to nonexistent. Your problem is guilt (feeling ashamed and "dirty"). I would suggest, if you haven't already done so, that you level with your partner. This is not only the best way to confront your guilt; it's also the right thing to do. Second, if my reassurance about HIV risk is not enough for you to shake your fears, you could consider getting a single HIV test at the three-month mark. The results will undoubtedly be negative; however, if this allows you to put your fears permanently to rest, it may be worth the time and effort. Finally, I would encourage you to peruse the wealth of information on this site to become better informed about HIV. The information here should be both enlightening and reassuring for you.

Be well.

Dr. Bob

Dance with death???
HIV - Wife and pregnant with HIV + Husband

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