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A word of advice to a friend
Apr 7, 2009

Dr. Bob,

I have a friend who has many friend (including myself) who is HIV positive. So he has been very "in-the-know" about what we go through, our mistakes that got us here in the first place, etc.

He, like myself, is a very horny, kinky, dirty-dirty sex whore (exagerating as joke). Because I'm HIV + and have similar sexual interests, he called me and explained that he has been having unprotected sex a lot, if not everytime in the last few months. This is a real shocker to me because of the awareness he has on HIV. He even had sex with an another poz guy, unprotected. He wanted to talk to me about it because he knew this whole thing is an issue.

In the end, I tried to suggest things like, stating he'll only have safe-sex on his Manhunt profile, To try to discuss it beforehand instead of in the moment, etc. But then he told me he's gotten to the point where condoms are a turn off.

At this point, I asked him when the last time he was tested was. He said October. I told him that he's placing people at risk of acquiring HIV because he's lying about his status (that he's negative) because he really doesn't know.

At the end I recommended that he get an HIV test done as soon as possible, because if he was positive, he'd probably handle this a different way.

I'm just wondering if I covered all basis in my advice and if you can think of anything else I could say/suggest, etc.

I apprecitate it,

Mr. Dirty-Dirty Sex

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hey Mr. Dirty-Dirty Sex Guy,

Your very horny, kinky, dirty-dirty buddy may be "in-the-know," but he's also "in denial." He is playing a very dangerous game of sexual Russian roulette! That he wanted to discuss his activities with you shows two things. One, he trusts you and two, deep down he knows what he's doing is risky and wrong. I would suggest you continue to counsel him with facts from your personal experience. For instance if he says he hates condoms, advise him he'll hate having HIV/AIDS even more. Since he likes lots of sex, remind him sex can be more challenging for us HIVers. There are disclosure issues (it's the law in some locations) and the increased possibility of rejection from potential mattress-mambo mates once his status is discussed. You might also remind him what it's like to have to take antiretroviral medications with their associated toxicities and side effects. During this discussion offer to go with him to get a rapid HIV test. (Or perhaps bring him with you to your next HIV specialist visit and have him get a rapid test there. Call ahead to your doctor first to ask if this would be OK and to set it up.) If he's negative, he'll need repeat tests at the three- and six-month marks from his last potential exposure.

As for Manhunt, surely he must realize much of the information there is exaggerated. After all not all members can be "29-year-old VGL successful businessmen, muscle-bound sex gods with 9.5-inch wooden woodies, bubble butts and insatiable sexual appetites," right? I'm glad to see at least some of the profiles are listing their HIV status and "safe only" activities.

Good luck with your buddy. I hope you can get through to him before the virus does. Feel free to show him this post if you think it will help. By the way remind him he can still be a very horny, kinky, dirty-dirty sex whore if he wants. He'll just be able to add "hot and healthy" to the descriptive adjectives. ("Very hot, healthy, horny, kinky, dirty-dirty sex whore!" Now that's really got a ring to it!)

Dr. Bob



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