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safe sex?

Mar 12, 2009

hello there doctor, i am a married man at 29 years of age, i guess ive been exploring my bi-sexual side for the last five years, ive done this about a dozen times meeting people i didnt know anything about and we would use our hands on eachother. i guess i started getting a little worried latley from red blotches that appear and dissapear within the hour on my arm, then started thinking about hiv. ive always believed this to be a safe activity, but now that i think about it im a little concerened im sure my partners had some pre sememen or semem on there hands that may have came in contact with my penis (circumsized) and i work construction and sure sometimes i have little scrapes on my hards, nothing ever bleeding but is this a myth that its a safe activity, everywhere i look online i get conflicting information which worrys me more and more about my safty and my wifes. i know i shouldnt be cheating but i never thought i could get hiv from this, i always thought the air kills the virus and you couldnt get it by jerking eachother off, is it just a theoretical risk? id very much appriciate your expertise on the subject, and where i might be able to mail a donation to. thank you

Response from Dr. Frascino


A married construction worker secretly getting off with hot anonymous men??? Sounds like a great plot for a gay porno flick. Oh wait, I just checked. It is the plot of at least a dozen gay porno flicks!

"Pre-sememen"??? What's that??? (Pre-ejaculate, pre-cum, pre-semen perhaps?)

Your HIV-acquisition worries are completely unwarranted. Mutual masturbation (jerking each other off) is indeed considered safer sex and is not considered a risk for HIV transmission.

Your "red blotches" are not suggestive of or worrisome for HIV acute retroviral illness or HIV disease. I believe your primary problem is guilt associated with your bisexual experimentation on the down-low. By the way, since you've now done this a dozen times, it seems to me that you are well beyond the "exploring" phase and have moved well into the denial phase regarding your sexual orientation.

I would strongly advise you level with your wife and consider getting counseling to explore sexual orientation issues. You may be cheating yourself as much as you are cheating on your wife.

Donation information for the Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation can be found on the foundation's Web site, The foundation's address is:

The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation 1000 Fremont Ave., Suite 145 Los Altos, CA 94024

Be well. Remember HIV is not your problem, OK?

Dr. Bob

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