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FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mar 1, 2009

Dr. Bob,

You are too funny. No the Hello Kitty question wasn't the opne I was looking for but I did eventually find the question and response I was searching for. Along the way I nearly wet my pants from reading some of your responses!!! I'll post a few of my many favorites below for your other fans who could use a laugh. Keep it up Dr. Bob (you Italians usually do!)

HI KITTY?????? (HELLO KITTY) Feb 25, 2009

Dr. Bob,

I'm looking for one of your old posts having to do with "HI KITTY". Can't find it. The archives are amazingly extensive. Can you help... Peter

Response from Dr. Frascino


Well, I'm not sure the "Hi Kitty" post you are looking for is same as the "HELLO KITTY" one I found, but I'll repost it nonetheless.

Dr. Bob

Masturbating in Class. (HELLO KITTY ERASER!!!) Jul 13, 2008

Iam a girl here in Arkansas.Well to makethe long story short I was having a little fun in English class and was masturbating with what I though was my pencil with a hello kitty eraser.Well to my surprise I saw that my gay best friend Earl had my pencil and I had his.(my initials were on the pencil he was using).Well, I know my gay best friend Earl also masturbates from behind with his pencil.Do you think I may have contracted HIV from Earl?I know he is gay and you never know....please help me IAM TERRIFIED!!!

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Little Miss Arkansas,

Let me get this straight. While in English class, you were masturbating with a pencil with a "hello kitty" eraser??????? Hmm . . . well, hello kitty indeed!!!! However, as it turns out, it really wasn't your hello kitty tickling your pet pussy after all, because you saw your gay best friend Earl had your pencil and you had his! Ohmigod!!! And you know your gay best friend also masturbates "from behind" with his pencil, so you are now "TERRIFIED" you may have contracted HIV, because Earl is gay. Do I have that correct????

Gosh, those "hello kitty" pencils sure seem to be getting a lot of action in Arkansas these days! Who knew?!?!?

Your HIV risk is nonexistent; however, young lady, I should put you on detention for either making up stories or masturbating in English class!

Dr. Bob

Semen Stained Undies Nov 8, 2003 A guy sent me a pair of semen stained underwear in a ziplocked plastic baggie. It took ten days for them to reach me, and when I opened them, the semen stains were crusty but the material appeared to have absorbed the liquid and appeared damp. I deep sniffed the underwear for about five minutes and rubbed my nose --but not my mouth -- against them. About five days later I developed a low-grade recurring fever. What is the likelihood that there was a HIV virus transfer in this incident? Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, Gosh, a new use for Ziplock plastic bags! So tell me, did this guy just decide to send you his spunked-up boxers because he didn't know what else to get you for Valentine's Day? Or perhaps they were supposed to be delivered to the dry cleaners next door? Or did you order them as a novelty item to put in the office X-mas gift grab-bag? So, then you deep sniffed the jizzed Calvins for 5 minutes? Really? Now listen pal, I've heard about trying to "Shout" stains out, but never snort them out! On to your question HIV risk? None. Relax and take some deep breaths. (Oh, by the way, you might be able to breath a bit more easily if you stop using those crusty Fruit of the Looms as a gas mask! (By the way I do hope you know I'm only teasing your sexual pastime olfactory pleasure in all of its forms is definitely in the realm of safe sex). One final thought: I would not suggest re-gifting this item at X-mas time. Dr. Bob Hints from Heloise Dec 1, 2003 Dear Dr. Bob, My boyfriend has recently been diagnosed as being HIV positive. Besides practicing safer sex techniques, could you advise me on any "clean up" practices after making love? My bf usually gets off by shooting onto his own chest. Should I have any type of "wipes" nearby or just launder clean-up towels as usual with other laundry? Sincerely, Mr. Anita B. Clean Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi, Do you really expect me to give laundering tips to "Mr. Clean?" OK Anita, so your hunky spunky unloads on his finely chiseled, lightly furry massive pecs. Do you need to take out your industrial strength carpet steam cleaner and fill it with bleach to sanitize your jizzed-up guy? No, you can put that thing away unless, of course, your boyfriend is into really kinky electronic sex toys. Your regular trick towels I mean clean-up towels laundered in the usual way are more than adequate. Stay well and don't forget the fabric softener. Dr. Bob question about sex Dec 6, 2003 I don't know if you could help me or not. When my boyfriend and are are about to have sex, he all of a sudden goes soft. Not all the time but more often times then I think is normal. It will go hard again and sometimes he can finish but other times he can't. Do you think it's just stress or could it be more serious than that? Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi, That's a little hard (or soft) to tell over the Internet. Try this: Say, "Judy, Carol, Barbra, Liza, and Bette" in very rapid succession. If he answers back, "Garland, Burnett, Streisand, Minnelli, and Midler" equally quickly, then yes, he may have a problem that's more than stress or performance anxiety. Alternatively, have him see his doctor for an evaluation. Good luck. Dr. Bob Sex through zipper on pants? Jan 19, 2004 can a guy have sex with you through the zipper on his pants? without unbuttoning them? Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, What the hell are you talking about? First off, zippers zip and buttons button. Zippers don't unbutton. Next, even if the dude is a pencil-dicked geek, his Mr. Happy just wouldn't fit through a zipped zipper. Right? So tell me, just how small is your boyfriend? Dr. Bob Is using a thong or g-strings safe? Jul 17, 2005 I just wanna know if using g-string, thongs or t-backs safe? does it not irritated the external genitalia? Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi, And umm . . . why would you be asking me? I'm really much more of a briefs or sometimes boxers guy. Are g-strings, thongs and t-backs safe? Hmmm . . . well millions of strippers, desperate housewives, supermodels and closeted homosexual Republican politicians love them. Do they irritate the genitalia? Hmmm . . . I seem to remember an episode of Sex and the City in which Samantha received a pearl thong from one of her lovers. As I recall, while climbing stairs, yes, she found it quite irritating. Are they safe HIV-wise? That all depends on what happens if and when they come off. Stay well. By the way, are you a future supermodel or closeted homosexual Republican politician? Dr. Bob body piercings Jul 21, 2005 what are the pros and cons about getting your tongue pierced? Response from Dr. Frascino

Pros: Some folks find them a turn-on. Cons: OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!!!!!! Autofellatio worries Jul 21, 2005 I have recently discovered my ability to self suck and cannot stop. Recently, however, I've had a sore throat. I am not sexually active if that can help any.. Also, I am able to self suck but not able to deep throat so that shouldn't be the cause. I do swallow. Anyways, could autofellatio be the cause of my sore throat or should I not worry about it? Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi, Hmmm . . . it appears those yoga classes are really paying off! You're just telling us all this to make us jealous, right??? I suppose the next thing you'll tell us is that you can open a ketchup bottle just using your tongue, right? OK, Mr. Big, I see no reason for you to worry. Your new party trick is not the cause of your sore throat. Hey, if you ever come up for air and find you need gainful employment, I think the adult film industry might be interested in your ahem talent. Stay well. Dr. Bob Does masturbation lead to baldness Aug 26, 2005 Does maturbation lead to baldness? Response from Dr. Frascino

No, Rogaine-Failure, your chrome dome is not a consequence of burping the nephew! Dr. Bob dogs? Aug 26, 2005 what happened if a dog licked your penis? Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, Well, I can think of several things: 1. He got confused between "bone" and "boner." 2. You should call David Letterman and try out for the stupid pet tricks segment. 3. Your dog is gay. Dr. Bob vatican response to pres. clinton on oral sex Sep 30, 2005 pres. clinton admitted to lawyers that he did not have sesx with lewinsky. oral sex is not mentioned in the bible. the vatican responded to this question of oral sex for clinton in his favor that it was not a sexual relation and therefore eliminated the problem for him. there was an article on the popes decision on this oral sex matter. can you show me where to find it or your own knowledge of this Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, Actually, I couldn't care less what the Pope or the Vatican has to say about any aspect of sex or sexuality. I did see on BBC news a few moments ago that the Pope is trying to eliminate gays (even celibate gays) from the seminaries and priesthood. (Good luck with that one!) Whole communities of men barred from all masturbation and sexual activity, forced to wear dresses and live in something called a rectory . . . now why would they think homosexuality could be a problem there. Of course, if new Pope whatever-his-name is wants to eliminate homosexuality from the church, he better start with his entourage. Those cardinals in the red frocks and goofy hats are only one penis Popsicle away from a gay pride parade. bruce Nov 29, 2005 what explanation can be given to a bruce in the area of the connection from the testicle to the begining of the penis? Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, You want an explanation as to why there is "a bruce in the area of the connection from your testicle to the beginning of your penis???" Hmmm . . . . well, the most likely explanation would have to be that Bruce is gay. Dr. Bob dog sex? Jan 26, 2006 What happend if your dog licked your vagina

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, Licked my vagina? But I don't have a vagina! Dr. Bob safe sex? Feb 1, 2006 was sex was made for marriage? and do u think-the worst unsafeness of sex-is on the mind-and morals-get real-i am a Jew that came to Jesus=Isaiah chapter53 and before-and went from being a slutty guy -self controlled to respecting girls like i would desire my sister to be respected-hello thanks friends-david david7israel Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, Well, whether or not you're a Jew that came to Jesus, I hope that someday you'll be a Jew that comes to a grammar and punctuation class. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what the hell you're talking about. Do I "think the worst unsafeness of sex is on the mind and morals get real"? What??? And you describe yourself as having been a "slutty guy self controlled to respecting girls like i would desire my sister . . . ." What the hell does that mean? As for your question: do I think sex was made for marriage? No, of course not. The only folks who believe that nonsense also believe Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church every Sunday. Oh . . . you're one of them . . . hmmm . . . I should have guessed. You can follow the advice of "Isaiah" if you wish. I prefer to follow the wisdom of another famous Jew who sang that "Lovers are very special people. They're the luckiest people in the world." (Barbra Streisand). Perhaps that makes me a Gentile that came to Barbra? So "Jews for Jesus" David, can I ask what are you even doing here on the sex channel in the first place??? Dr. Bob I love vagina Feb 10, 2006 How much pussy is too much pussy? Response from Dr. Frascino

How much pussy is too much pussy??? Hmmm . . . gosh, I guess that would depend on how much wood could a woodchuck chuck (if a woodchuck could chuck wood). Dr. Bob sex Apr 21, 2006 Can a man go without sex for 8 years? Response from Dr. Frascino

Not this man. is it likely ? Jun 17, 2006 i am a virgin of 24 years but i have been in steady relationship with a man for 3 years i never allow him to have penetrative sex with me, but we practise frottage and intercrurrial sex with the use of condom last year we were on it and he started rubbing my virginal with is organ we never did insertion and he was on it for like 10 sec without a condom when i saw this i immediately insist he use a condom that is the only exposure i had ever had .so this is my situation 1 there was a routine medical check in my work place hiv test was included and my result came out hiv+ , i told the doctor my case and he told me i am to do a confirmatory test which i am very scarred to do ? 2 with this type of exposure of mine is it really posible that i have hiv ,after rulling out all other non sexual avenue of contacting the virus 3 the doctor told me to go for a confirmatory test in a laboratory is it possible that the innitial test was in error? 4 i really appreciate the work you are doing keep the your kindness will be paid in countless fold Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, ". . . he started rubbing my virginal with his organ . . . ." Hmmm . . . . Well, a "virginal" is a small legless rectangular harpsichord popular in the 16th and 17th centuries, so am I to assume your boyfriend has an antique fetish and was trying to spunk a valuable family heirloom??? Look, Sweetie, intercrural (not intercrurrial) sex, also called outercourse, is non-penetrative and consequently not an HIV risk. To specifically answer your questions: 1. If you test HIV positive on a screening test and have absolutely no HIV risk, your test must be a false positive. Don't be frightened. Get the follow-up, more sophisticated test as recommended. The results will be negative. 2. Nope. 3. Yep. 4. Thanks! Dr. Bob manbag condoms Jul 6, 2006 Hey Dr. McHandsome, I'm about to enter into the sexually active period of my life.I'm 25 and I can't wait to impress the ladies with my wit and fashion! I'm writing because I'm concerned about carrying condoms in my pocket or wallet. Should i carry them in my man-bag instead or would that be too ticky-tacky? Thanks for your prompt repy, Sincerely yours, Sergio-Gaylord Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, You refer to me as Dr. McHandsome; you're 25 but only now about ready to enter into the sexually active period of your life; you expect to impress ladies with your wit and fashion; you carry a man-bag and your name is Sergio-Gaylord????? Whoa! There are so many rainbow flags waving in that message that it's only one penis Popsicle away from a Gay Day parade. Dude, first off, when someone mentions man-bag on this site, I think scrotum. To answer your question, condoms can be comfortably carried in your pockets or attaché case or stored for handy use in your nightstand "goody drawer." Next, you may well be as straight as a lawn dart, but the tone of your post makes me wonder if you could bottom for Liberace. Either way, of course, it's fine with me. I just want you to be safe and sexually content and never-ever ticky-tacky. Good luck. Dr. Bob

Response from Dr. Frascino


Glad you found what you were looking for, even if it wasn't the HELLO KITTY post.

Thanks for resurrecting those amusingly twisted posts from deep within the archival vaults!

Keep smiling. (It makes people wonder what you've been up to!) Oh and by the way, I promise to "keep it up!"

Dr. Bob

Can I stop cyber-stalking you now?
Just Paranoid? The $50 question!

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