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Did I expose my wife?

Jan 22, 2009

Dear Dr. Bob,

This is probably the most strange post that you have ever received. I feel guilty writing it but unfortunately the past can't be undone. Here is my story.

I am a non-resident of the US currently waiting in line with the very slow immigration process. I am married for more than 12 years and with my wife's biological clock ticking, we haven't been able to have children yet. The doctor we went to determined the problem lies with me as my sperm count is almost zero. We looked at other options for a baby like adopting, artifical insemination, sperm donor etc but all are pretty expensive processes that my insurance don't cover. Further I am from a country that does not provide legal status to adoptive parents and being a non-immigrant makes it even more difficult to adopt while being in the US.

So after lengthy discussions between us, I decided to do something unthinkable. Get a guy to make her pregnant. We live in a small town in central US where virtually everybody knows everybody. So the person had to be someone from outside. I chatted online and eventually found a guy from a nearby city who expressed interest. I wanted to ensure that this person is not infected with anything and so I asked him to get all his medical records. He turned out to be an older man (almost 60) and was frank enough to admit that he was bi-sexual. He did show his medical reports however and for added measure took two additional STD/HIV tests with me at a clinic. All his STD tests were negative but he did have high cholestrol. I did some reading before hand about HIV and all that and wanted to have him take th appropriate tests. His first test was an ELISA which was Negative and the second one was a RNA PCR which was also negative. He said he was also a blood donor and in fact did show me his donor card. I felt reasonably assured that he should be ok. I must say he was VERY eager to help me out.

I invited him to our place around the time frame my wife was expected to ovulate. I stayed at home in a different room as my wife had some initial safety concerns. For a period of 5 consecutive days, he came over in the evening and spent about 2 hours with her. My wife did tell me later that for the most part he was gentle although he did bite her hard on her breasts on a couple of occasions.

We found out the day before that she is pregnant. I am now worrying if she got infected in this process. I know she will be tested during her OBGYN visits but just wanted to ask you if you feel she and the baby will be safe.

Response from Dr. Frascino


While not the strangest post I've received, it does rank up there with many others in the "Stranger than Fiction" category.

From what you've told me, your wife's (and future child's) risk of HIV is negligible to nonexistent. I would worry more about the psychological impact of you and your wife choosing this option for conception. I would also worry about legal implications if the horned-up 60-year-old ever wants to lay legal claim to the child he sired. (If you haven't already done so, you may wish to have legal documents drawn up now to prevent this from ever happening in the future.)

Good luck to all involved.

Dr. Bob

Possible HIV infection??
transmission through blow-flies

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