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Barebacking a POZ.
Jan 22, 2009

Hello! I have a question and concern. I recently got tested and it came back Neg. I am in a relationship and certain that my partner does not sleep around. we both came back neg in fact. We decided to start talking to a gentleman in another state and became attached. He recently told us he found out he was POZ. Well we still spoke to him romantically and decided to visit in (live out of state), we have sex 3 times, 2 of which I was top. Now I didnt top him for very long...maybe 5 - 10 mins but did not use protection. I dont know why I didnt? When I was bottom I did make him wear a condom. Since that weekend, Ive had a sore throat. Not bad and it been about a week. Everyone in my house is sick with a cold and has been since before that weekend. Should I be terribly worried? I know that I have to wait till march at this point to get tested?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

You and your partner chatted with the out-of-state guy over a period of time. He advised you of his recent positive status. You and your partner are HIV negative. So you arrange an out-of-state ménage-à-trois. You then have sex with him three times and two out of those three times you do not use protection? WHAT????

You state "I don't know why I didn't (use protection)" The answer is simple. You made a conscious (apparently pre-meditated) decision to take a very big (and foolish) risk with your health. There really is no other valid explanation. This wasn't a "heat of the moment" type experience or one in which you thought your stud muffin was HIV negative. I can only assume that you felt the risk of going commando Rambo/Brokeback Mountain on this guy was safe enough as long as you were top gun. That unfortunately is an incorrect assumption. It's both risky and dangerous. Yes, it's true there is even more risk being the receptive (bottom) partner than the insertive (top) partner. But that doesn't mean being a top guy is safe! Far from it! I'm also concerned that your recently poz out-of-stater apparently had no qualms about barebacking! Come on boys, wake up and smell the AZT! This was a very big lapse in judgment for you, your partner and the out-of-state guy.

You will need HIV-antibody testing at both three and six months (due to your significant exposure to a partner confirmed to be HIV positive). You and your partner also need to discuss exactly what happened and why. Counseling may help you confront issues related to why you consciously made such a risky decision when you obviously were aware of the potentially catastrophic consequences.

Should you be worried? Yes. You have reason to worry not only about STDs, including HIV, but also about your judgment.

Dr. Bob



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