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Asked separately but not together: blowjob, handjob and precum in the urethra (MORMONS) (FUNNY QUESTIONS 2009)

Jan 10, 2009

Good Morning Doctor Bob,

I've been reading the post here for about a day and I figured everyone else is asking about their fears, who am I to resist?

I had a lapse in judgement (famous last words, eh?) and met up with a local guy yesterday, first time I had ever been with another man. He said he's been tested recently and that I have nothing to worry about, and I have no concrete reason to doubt what he says, but just to placate my fears could you tell me what how much "at risk" for an HIV infection I am from doing what I did.

Worry 1) There was a blowjob, me sucking him, and he didn't ejaculate and I was only there for maybe a minute there was still precum present that I would have swallowed; no condom, my gums sometimes bleed when I brush, but not profusely and I don't have disastrously bad oral health. Worry 2) We rubbed the heads and shafts of our penises together, precum present there too, no condoms, worried about his precum in my urethra, etc. Worry 3) I finished him off with a handjob, understandably ending up with his semen on my hand, my had had a scabbed-over cut.

Now, I've searched through this site as well as every other one on the planet and found these activities addressed more or less separately but not together -- or at least not in a way to calm my nerves. Everything I've read seems to point that even if he wasn't 'clean' my exposure risk is minimal, but I'm still in knots over it now.

Could you give me your take please? Most importantly beyond my own health, until I get a 16-day sero-whatsit test or a 30- and 60-day test, am I am risk of spreading anything? I'm pretty sure this is just fear and guilt driving me crazy now, but until I can get an appointment with my GP and ask him directly I'd like the opinion of someone who knows more about these things than I.

Thank you.

(P.S.: as a Mormon boy in Utah, I found the lines about "hitting a bus-load of mormons going to a circuit party" especially hilarious!)

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi Mormon Boy in Utah,

Another Mormon boy having gay sex and the freaking out with unwarranted guilt!?! Gosh, you're like the fifth one this week.

First of all, I wouldn't call your sexperience a "lapse in judgment." In fact it may well be your first step in asserting exactly who you are. Don't feel guilty about your sexual orientation no matter what it ultimately turns out to be. Just be honest with yourself, OK?

You are correct in suggesting the HIV-acquisition risk for the various activities you described is extremely low. Adding multiple extremely low-risk activities together continues to give you an extremely low-risk profile.

My advice is to get a single HIV-antibody test at the three-month mark. HIV-antibody tests taken prior to three months are not considered to be definitive.

Since you liked my comment about hitting a busload of Mormons going to a circuit party, I'll reprint that post and several other Mormon-related posts below. I can just hear all the Joseph Smith-ers starting to frantically pound out indignant rants and advising me once again I'm headed straight for hell.

Good luck Mormon Boy. Be well. Try going to a circuit party!

Dr. Bob

Mutual Masturbation and Pre-cum Apr 2, 2003

Dear Doctor,

I am a male who's primary sexual contact is through mutaul masturbation with other men. Highly pleasurable. However, I am always a quite apprehensive about the inevitable exchange of pre-cum which occurs during this activity. His own pre-cum on his hand comes into contact with my penis through touching each other. Wouldn't the risk of that pre-cum coming into contact with my urethra pose a risk for HIV infection? I would certainly like to continue with this activity, without having to use a condom, but NOT at the risk of my health. Could you please shed a little more light on this. I have read other posts on this subject, but I'm still not sure if I should be more concerned of less concerned about this activity; which means I'm never really able to full relax and enjoy the intimacy of the moment. Please advise. Thank you.

A little unsure

PS-You ARE a wonderful addition to a superb team of caring counselors. I wish you all the best!

Response from Dr. Frascino


Yes, its true that pre-cum can contain HIV; however, the risk of contracting HIV from mutual masturbation is essentially nil. For instance, it is possible you could be walking by a high-rise building enjoying a nice Starbucks non-fat vanilla latte, when someone accidentally drops an eggplant out their window on the 69th floor, which then happens to thwack you in the noggin at high speed, causing you to spill your hot Starbucks coffee onto a bicycle rider who veers off course and into the path of an oncoming bus of Mormons on their way to a gay circuit party. See what I mean? The possibility is there, but really, lets face it Mormons never go to circuit parties, right? It doesnt mean they cant. Its just extremely unlikely.

So, continue to enjoy your "highly pleasurable" whack offs with hunky spunkies. Its considered an extremely low-risk (but high-pleasure) activity. Stay well.

Dr. Bob

OXY-MORMON Oct 21, 2006

This is just a comment but I love the work you're doing here. I want to tell you that I've been mormon for over 10 yrs, I have a degree in public health, I volunteer at local HIV awareness groups, I work 1:1 with HIV+ people that I just love. A few of my best friends are gay and lesbian. BTW, my political affliation is libertarian, not republican! I've found that having an open mind in today's society is most helpful. I know that mormons sometimes seem self rightous but they aren't all that way. We all spiritually grow because of the challenges we face. I just want to say that those that live a full life regardless of the hand that has been dealt to them are an inspiration to me. There is too much misinformation out there concerning STDs. People know to use a condom but until they actually comprehend why, many will still be reluctant to use one. They need to be told the whys. That's why I think what you do on this forum is incredible. We are all busy (my FT job is QC manager at a factory and I have a non verbal autistic child at home) but it's critical that people be engaged in a good cause. Public awareness and working with those that need support is a most important cause in my book. Again, thank you for your work. You are a light in the dark for many out there.

Oxy-mormon Mormon in Indiana

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Oxy-Mormon Mormon in Indiana,

Thank you for your kind comments and for taking the time to write in. You're a libertarian, open-minded, compassionate HIV/AIDS volunteer, who is also a Mormon?!?!?!? WOW! You are indeed an oxy-Mormon. And I mean that as a sincere compliment! Better not tell the church elders about your extracurricular activities or they may excommunicate you (or whatever the Mormon equivalent of excommunication may be)! I heartily applaud your efforts and good deeds. Most of the Mormons I know spend their time striving to remake the secular republic bequeathed by our founders into a Christian nation run according to their unique and to me somewhat bizarre interpretation of religious scriptures. This drives an ever-widening wedge between believers and nonbelievers. I worry when blind faith, rather than reason, common sense and compassion, is a heralded moral value. I do hope you can enlighten some of your Mormon colleagues to become oxy-Mormons as well.

Be well. Be "oxy!"

Dr. Bob

Hey, knock it off Mar 5, 2008

I read your answers daily, have donated to your foundation, and will continue to do so.

But, dude, come on, you've got to stop bagging on Utah all the time. I know you are making a joke, but the whole, 'republican commnunity that can't kiss thing,' aside from being totally false, encourages a small-mindedness in perception that is in direct contrast to what I know you to promote.

There are small-minded Mormon towns in Utah, of course, just as there are small-minded whatever towns in every other place in the world. But did you know Salt Lake City (the actual City) has had a democratic mayor for over a decade, is a majority non-Mormon, has an oustanding AIDS Foundation, and has one of the larger gay populations in the Western US? Salt Lake County acutally just voted to give benefits to domestic partners. (Not as early as some cities, but hey, at least they did it).

This isn't an HIV question, so you don't need to post it. And maybe I need to lighten up a bit (I know you are kidding), but I also feel strongly that you are encouraging a stereotype that is dated by about 30 years.

I guess I just wanted to let you know that sometimes a stereotypical joke at the expense of a group of people (or a whole state for that matter) can make some of your biggest fans/supporters feel isolated a bit. That being said, I believe in your message so strongly, I will continue to support you even when you piss me off.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi Utah-Guy,

I stand corrected! And I'm delighted to hear that Salt Lake City is far more enlightened than I imagined. Now any chance you could do something about those pretentious, ostentatious totally ridiculous looking monstrosities the Mormons call temples? The ones that look like they've been teleported right out of Oz? (I'm only kidding, OK?) I really am a live-and-let-live kind of guy. It's just our local Mormon cult is quite vehemently homophobic and consequently whenever I see one of their Oz-like magic kingdom castles, I get the urge to write "Surrender Dorothy" across the front door.

Nonetheless I do promise to lighten up on Utah, OK? Can we still be best buddies?

Dr. Bob

Boohoo instead of Woohoo Jun 30, 2006

I just thought I'd thank and commend you,Dr. Bob for your time and patience as you answer all of these questions from people who are terrified they've contracted hiv from toilets, door knobs, hearty handshakes and the oddly common stripper scenarios. And let me just advise all of you who write in, from a person who is hiv infected (from a mosquito bite, strangely enough)that you're all so very blessed to preserve your anonymity while reaching out to a caring doctor with your funfilled stories of last weekend's drunken fiasco, who, in turn, dispels your unfounded fears with his not-so-subtle humour, never condemning you, just giving you sound medical advise and reminding you of what a space cadet you truly are. Thanks for the entertainment. Love, The Mormon Princess (not republican)

Response from Dr. Frascino


Thanks for your thanks! But I better make a few clarifications/corrections to your post or it will set off a tsunami of terror and my mailbox will be as inundated as post-Katrina New Orleans with questioners who are more baffled than Adam on Mother's Day.

1. I know you are kidding, but I need to remind our readers that you cannot become HIV infected "from a mosquito bite." No way. No how!

2. All Mormons, including the princesses and closeted queens, are Republicans. It's a law. Some dude named Joe Smith etched it out on an etch-a-sketch in upstate New York while a tabernacle choir sang and then everyone moved to Utah (or something like that).

OK, now that we've cleared that up, thanks again!

Dr. Bob

Funny Salad Dressing on my Chicken Wrap Feb 2, 2008

Hello Dr. Bob!

I have a question for you and hopefully you can answer it for me. Ok, the other day I got a chicken wrap and began eating it when I realized it had some sort of dressing on it. I opened the wrap and saw salad dressing all over the chicken, etc. and immediately began to worry if someone had tampered with the dressing and then used it to prepare other foods. Can you tell me (just to quash any other fears)if transmission would be possible if someone had "unloaded" into the salad dressing that was used in the wrap? I know this sounds crazy, but I really

Response from Dr. Frascino


". . . I know this sounds crazy . . . ." Yep! It certainly does so I won't argue with you about that! Dude, why would anyone "unload" into salad dressing? Even Mormons aren't that twisted and repressed. Well, OK, maybe they are. So just in case you do live in Salt Lake City and bought your chicken wrap at one of those ridiculously gaudy temples (the ones that look like they came directly out of Oz), your HIV risk would be nonexistent. So stop worrying about the "special sauce" on your wrap; besides the chicken will probably give you bird flu anyway.

Dr. Bob

heard sustiva makes you into a nutcase? May 21, 2004

Dr. Bob,

Hi. I heard that taking sustiva turns you into a nutcase and because of this i am comtemplating taking it. Do you have any personal experience that would cause you to avoid it? Thank you.

Mr. Armstrong

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Mr. Armstrong,

You heard Sustiva turns you into a nutcase, and because of this, you are contemplating taking it??? You actually want to become a nutcase? Why not just become a Mormon? They are a fairly whacked group. (Oh boy, I can just see all the Joseph Smithers writing in complaining about that wisecrack.) Lighten up Mormons. I'm just kidding . . . . Well, maybe not, but lighten up anyway.

OK, back to Sustiva. "Nutcase" may be too general of a term. I think Cheney, Ashcroft, Rumsfelt, Bush, Scalia, Santorum, and DeLay are all nutcases, but I'm not aware any of them are taking Sustiva. Sustiva can cause muddled thinking (fuzzy math?), paranoia (Saddam's WMD Program and imminent threat?), and disorientation (Bush at any unscripted press conference?). At night, Sustiva is known to cause heebie-jeebie dreams and insomnia.

Yes, I have personal experience with Sustiva. I took it years ago and experienced wonderfully bizarre, hyperactive, technicolor, highly sexual dreams. Some might consider them nightmares, but I loved them! It was like being back in the 70s! Unfortunately I developed a rather unusual but dangerous reaction to the medication called "erythema multiforme" that nearly landed me in the hospital. As a result of that reaction, I had to go off Sustiva immediately. Gosh, how I miss those dreams.

In general, about 50 percent of folks who take Sustiva will experience some of the neurologic side effects. Often these side effects disappear or lessen significantly after several weeks on the drug. Consequently, waiting them out, if possible, is advisable. As for the nutcases affecting our country and the continual day- and nightmares they have inflicted on us all for the past four years, they will not spontaneously resolve. Some seem to be self-imploding (Rummy), but we'll need to vote them all out in November to really solve this problem. This is not a political column, but I do hope we'll be able to "re-defeat" Bush in November. And I only mention it because you asked about nutcases.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

will you marry me? Nov 20, 2004

haha i know, youve got steve, but i also wanted to get your attention. ive read through the archives and have searched so you wouldnt ahve to waste your time answering my question, but i cant find one that directly answers it. i have heard soo many mixed responses to this, so i want a REAL expert opinion! are cold symptoms, or sinus infections, suggestive in any way of ARS? if someone has a sinus infection 3 weeks after unprotected sex should they in the back of their mind think it could be ars?? or is ars strictly more flu like? PLEASE answer, it will take you 2 minutes, i know youre busy but pleasse!!!!! i can't sleep and im about to fail outa school cause i cant concentrate on my work! so, sinus infection consistent with ars or not? thanks!

Response from Dr. Frascino


You're correct: I can't marry you. Not only do I already have Steve, but there were all those meanspirited initiatives on the ballot Nov. 2. Of course, perhaps we could all become Mormons. Polygamy seems to be OK with them. But then again, I sure wouldn't want to wear those weird undies.

Sure, I'll answer your question, but it's probably not the answer you want to hear. The only reason someone should have in the back of (or front of, for that matter) minds worry about possible HIV infections is if they've placed themselves at risk for HIV disease. If they've placed themselves at risk, they need to be tested whether or not they have cold symptoms, sinus infections or no symptoms whatsoever.

Hope that helps.

Dr. Bob

Come on Dr Bob, answer a GIRL'S question... or I'll puke on you Apr 17, 2006

Hi Dr Babob,

I'm getting desperate. I'm sick with worry. hence the puking.

2 months ago I had a threesome with a guy and a girl (I'm a girl.) He would touch one of us then the other and so on, possibly transferring infection, right? He was quite rough and would have caused abrasions, making it more risky.

A month before our encounter, the girl had had unprotected sex with a guy.

6 weeks after her unprotected sex, she came down with tonsilitis, and a few weeks later a bad cold.

6 weeks after our encounter I came down with a really bad cold, swollen lymph glands in my neck and groin that won't go down completely

I'm fatigued and generally screwed, but I'm so stressed I don't know what is what.

Can you tell me if tonsilitis is an ARS symptom. Do our symptoms sound like ARS? Am I being a fuckwit? Excuse my language but I'm so scared. If she had caught HIV from that guy, her viral load would have been high when we had the 3some, right?

What else could cause these symptoms???

I know this sounds like a million other questions, but please. Are there any statistics on HIV transmission in threesomes?

I will donate! And I will never puke on you again if you answer me.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Ménage-à-trois Puker,

Tonsillitis refers to inflammation of the tonsils. It is often caused by bacteria, such as streptococcus ("strep throat"). Isolated tonsillitis is not considered and HIV ARS symptom.

What other than HIV could cause your symptoms of "fatigue, really bad cold, and swollen glands?" Actually there are a number of things, including an upper respiratory tract infection (i.e. common cold) and anxiety.

As for statistics on HIV transmission in threesomes, no, we don't have any information about that. Perhaps in Salt Lake City. The Mormons are still into polygamy. (I saw it on HBO.) Perhaps they have some info. Considering you do not know the HIV status of the other members of your trio, I think it's a bit premature for you to be making assumptions about high viral loads, etc.

Yes, your questions have indeed been asked and answered multiple times in the past and I should mention not one of those questioners ever threatened to barf on me.

So Barfing Betty, the bottom line is that your HIV risk is low at best. If you feel you've placed yourself at risk for HIV, get tested at the three-month mark, whether you have "symptoms" or not! It really is just that straightforward.

Are you being a fuckwit? No, you're just scared. You'd only qualify for the fuckwit moniker if you really did upchuck on me.

Thanks for your donation ( I'll send back my good-luck karma that your HIV test is negative.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Worried well, worried sick...please reply, 4th try!! Republican at heart Mar 5, 2007

Dr. Bob,

First I would like to commend you on the terrific work you do here. Although some of the answers to my questions could be found in the archives, I have also seen mixed responses (not from you, but other sights and previous forum experts) and thought this would solve it once and for all.

26 days ago a buddy and me slept with an escort in Utah. I had the undaunting task of going second. We both wore condoms, however, I was very intoxicated and cannot be sure the condom did not break or was used properly. I did ejaculate into it though. I suffer from OCD, anxiety, stress and mild depression so you can imagine the suffering I'm going through. When I asked her about her HIV status she said you wore a condom. Well needless to say, I looked at that response not in a good way.

I have head swollen lymph nodes, nausea and an unrelenting headache. I am currently seeking professional counseling for this and had a negative test result at the three two week mark. My physician, counselor and other's have told me this is all in my head, but I thought I would check with you anyways.

When you search for HIV on your sight and look up symptoms and testing, it says testing at 6 months is this the case or is 3 months the holy grail? My buddy has no symptoms of anything so he thinks I am being a hypocondriac (sp) and making up these symptoms. Is that possible? I immediately thought HIV the day after this event and went home and looked up Aids on the internet....dumb thing to do. Do you think I am at a high risk? I have seen many different sites that say the per act risk with someone who is HIV positive varies from 1 to 10, 000 to 1 to 200,000 if it was like my case male (insertive) to female (positive person). If she was infected what is the real risk?

Anyways, thanks for responding and I must add Go Bush : )

Response from Dr. Frascino


Several things in your post shocked me!

1. There is a sexual escort in Utah?!?!? Really??? Gosh, those Mormons already have multiple wives. And the rest of the very Red-state Utahans are so rightwing that sex outside of procreation is punishable by stoning, isn't it???

2. You found "mixed responses" about the risk of condom-protected sex??? Dude, not on this site you didn't. As for what you found on the Vatican's Web site or Fox News, I'll just say consider the source.

Now turning to other issues. If you are worried about HIV, a three-month test is all you'll need (even after taking sloppy seconds) for a definitive and conclusive result.

You report anxiety, stress, depression and OCD. Well, you also report that you're a "Republican at heart," so that explains that!

Finally, I definitely agree with you on one point: "GO BUSH" Yes, indeed, Bush has got to go! Let's start impeachment proceedings post haste, OK?

Dr. Bob

Re: Do my kids need to be tested
RE: do my kids need to be tested - hmmm, somethings not right here !

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