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How do I tell him?
Jan 7, 2009

I was diagnosed HIV Positive back in Sept 2006 and as a result was celibate for over two years. That celibacy ended this past New Years when I got incredibly wasted and ended up having unprotected sex. I wasn't even aware I had sex until in the morning he made a joke "You bled like a virgin" I asked if we used a condom and he said no. I know I should have said something then, maybe he could have gotten PEP, but I was overcome with feeling I can't quite describe. Me bleeding + him being uncut+ no condom= 99.9 percent chance he got infected, right? I guess it all became too real that September 18, 2006 wasnt a really bad dream. I was able to deny this for a long time because Im in very good health and not having sex meant I wasnt spreading anything and somehow not really positive. Warped logic I know. Although I have his number, were barely passing acquaintances and I don't know how I'm going to handle his reaction. I can deal with my issues but I feel like I just murdered someone. I know what it is like to hear those words Your test results came back positive I know the mental torment you go through. I wouldnt wished that on anyone. How do I tell someone I forever changed their life? Im 24 years old and I never disclosed my status to anyone and Im afraid, ashamed and angry all over again.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Disclosure is always easier "before" rather than "after!" I would recommend complete honesty and the sooner the better. It's really the best way to confront your guilt and, of course, it's the right thing to do for your partner as well. Read through the chapter in the archives of this forum devoted to "Disclosing HIV Status". Hopefully you'll find it helpful. If, for whatever reason, you just can't muster up the fortitude to directly confront your partner with this information, contact your local health department. They have an anonymous program of partner notification whereby they will advise your partner than he has been exposed and recommend HIV testing without ever mentioning your name.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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