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The nurse made me scare to be with my hubby.
Jan 5, 2009

Dear Dr. Bob

I'm an asian lady. I'm married to ameican guy. I love him so much eventhough he is HIV + ( I'm - ) We have been married for two years and half. He is on medecine as soon as he found out he was + he didnt want to put me at risk. We always go to check blood every 6 months. The last time his CD4 was 853 and his viral load was 53. Yesterday we had sex and he asked me if he could put inside me for allitle while before he put condom on. ( We both dont have any STD ). So, i said ok. but when he pull out i saw his cum. I dont know if any pre-cum inside me. So, today i went to check my blood and ask for pep from the clinic. We could not contact my doctor ( weekend ) there was a nurse over at that clinic asked me why i want to be with + guy? why would i want to take risk for myself? He said he didnt want to say anything too much but he told me i should not be with him any more. Since i've been with my husband i am always happy. It was difficult for the first time i knew he was + but after that everything is fine. I go back to school. I'm doing so good at school. I want to be a nurse, but after that nurse asked me it made me felt so sad. Make me scare, make me think about my future, how possible could i have the baby? How could i live in normal life? how can i have happy family like other? But i dont really want to leave him. i know you are also in this situation. Could you please tell me what is the key that make your love life so happy and so confident? I never scare like that before but now i'm scare. Please help me. I dont really know what to do? My class will start soon. But right now I'm so depress. I dont know if i could still be a nurse if i'm turn out +? i dont know if there is any hospital will hire me? I'm blind now. I'm sorry if my eglish not that good and make you confuse.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

The nurse, who advised you should leave your husband, should be fired. I urge you to contact the physician in charge of that office and file a formal complaint. That guy was way out of line. You can show the physician this post if you wish.

Your husband was wrong to ask you to have unprotected sex. Inserting his penis without a latex condom qualifies as unprotected sex, even if it was "just for a little while." Precum does contain active virus and can transmit HIV infection.

I would advise both you and your husband read through the chapter on magnetic couples (one positive and one negative) in the archives of this forum. You should also accompany your husband on his next visit to his HIV specialist and discuss any and all concerns about what is and is not safe sexually. Finally you will need HIV screening at both the three- and six-month marks to confirm your HIV-negative status.

Don't be afraid to be with your husband. The key to a successful magnetic relationship is communication and information. Continue on with your plans to be a nurse. You can begin your medical education by learning all about HIV prevention and transmission!

Good luck to both you and your husband.

Dr. Bob



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