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another truly panicked finger question

Dec 19, 2008

Dear Dr. Bob,

I'm sorry as I don't want to bother you with yet another finger question, but I am really freaking out over an encounter I had at a massage parlor earlier in the week.

I've never done anything like this before, but I went to a massage parlor after a night out drinking with coworkers. The "massage" became very sexual very quickly and the masseuse had her finger in my anus for an extended period of time. I also fingered her vagina and had vaginal fluid all over my fingers for minutes. I have hemorrhoids and they were bleeding that day. I also have eczema on my fingers that was acting up and there were several open cracks on my skin. (not bleeding exactly, but definitely compromised). I realized the danger of my finger situation a few minutes after and washed my hands with soap and water, but it was a few minutes later, as I say...

Can you PLEASE advise what course of action I should take. I haven't been able to sleep or think about anything else, and I'm afraid that this is going to ruin my 6 year monogamous relationship. I know there is an element of guild in this, but, honestly, while I'm ashamed of the act, I know it was just an extreme case of very poor judgment that won't reoccur. My guilt and overriding fear is that I am going to infect her with HIV or something else. I would never be able to forgive myself.

Please advise.

PS: I am definitely donating....

Response from Dr. Frascino


Despite the hemorrhoids and non-bleeding eczema, your HIV-acquisition risk remains extremely low. Your major problem at present is guilt. My advice is to level with your six-year monogamous (except for this one-time lapse in judgment) partner. It's not only the best way to cope with your guilt; it's also the right thing to do. You could then together choose to use latex condoms or avoid sex until your negative HIV status is confirmed at your three-month definitive HIV test.

Thanks for your donation to the Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation ( In return, I'm sending you my best good-luck karma that your conclusive three-month HIV test is negative.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Wearing condoms?
neg again.

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