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aids
Nov 30, 2008

where did the orgin of aids come from

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

See below for the latest theory about "chimp zero."

Dr. Bob

aids (ORIGIN OF HIV/AIDS) Aug 26, 2008

did aids come from having sex with monkeys?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Unfortunately, it's likely we may never know all the exact details about when, where and how HIV initially came into being. Our best evidence to date suggests HIV mutated from SIV (Simian Immunodeficiency Virus). SIV has been identified in several types of monkeys found in West-Central Africa. So despite the titillating possibility that HIV jumped from species to species via hot monkey sex, this is not the case. Sorry to disappoint all you zoophiles (you know who you are!). We think the cross-species jump used the food chain rather than the boudoir. Long story short, here's what we think happened. Monkey #1 (let's call him "Chimp Zero") hunts, kills and eats an SIV-infected chimp of the red-capped mangabey variety and another SIV-infected chimp of the greater spotted nosed variety. The two different strains of SIV have a viral quickie (see, some type of fusion sex really was involved after all!) and BINGO! a new strain of SIV is born. This new strain has the capability of mutating in humans. Now Chimp Zero carrying the new strain of SIV is unlucky enough to get hunted, killed and butchered by a human. Chimp Zero's infected blood gets into the human bloodstream either by (1) a cut on the butcher's hand (he could have been clumsy with his machete!) or (2) eating an undercooked chimp-entrée (monkey chops should never be served rare!) The SIV then mutates to adapt to its human host and voila! We now have a previously unknown retrovirus with the unique ability to destroy the human immune system and which is spread through humanity's favorite pastime!

We've now uncovered HIV in plasma samples stored as far back as 1959 from a dude who lived in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. We have also found evidence of HIV in a teenager from St. Louis who died in 1969 and also in a Norwegian sailor who died in 1976.

So that's the scoop. Scary bedtime story, eh? Just wait till tomorrow night and I'll tell you the tale of the Evil Lord of Halliburton: Scary Cheney!

Dr. Bob



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