Oral Fairy Nightmare
Oct 13, 2008
Once upon a time in a land far far away (South Africa) live a Prince Not So Charming (Me). After a hard night of slaying dragons (beers) the prince found himself in the peasants quarter (seedy part of town) and made his way to a princess locked in a tower (prostitute on 10th floor of high rise). The prince requested that his sword be polished orally (blowjob) by the princess within its sheath but the princess turned out to be an evil step sister who did not use a sheath and the prince did not notice at the time as he was really tired from slaying dragons (drunk as a coot). The prince the next day was concerned about a plague afflicting the land so went to Merlin the Wizard (doctor) who gave him a twenty eight day potion (Combivir). The prince did not feel very well a week after incident (tonsillitis like symptoms) and then about ten days later came down with a bad cold. The prince has also had a dry cough for quiet some time and badly swollen gland in his right armpit causing pins and needles in his hand. The prince then turned to his most trusted night in shining armour, the saviour of many anguished souls Sir Dr.Bob-a lot and asked the following questions:
1) If you seroconvert on PEP will a two week post PEP finger prick rapid test reflect this? 2) If the two week rapid test is negative can the prince buy champagne to put on ice for the three month ELISA test? 3) Is the three and six month testing guidelines for PEP, post PEP or post exposure? 4) The prince has met someone and wants to know if it is safe to French Kiss (open mouth kissing with tongue) them without passing on some STD which could have possibly been acquired at the sword polishing drive thru.
Hopefully this prince gets to live happily ever after. Thank you Sir Dr.Bob-alot for all the great work you do you cannot for one second begin to imagine the impact you have on all peoples lives who come to you seeking council.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello Once-Upon-A-Time Guy,
1. This is possible, yes.
2. The post-PEP HIV testing guidelines recommend follow-up tests at six weeks, three months and six months. Consequently, the bubbly should stay on ice until the six-month mark.
3. All HIV-testing guidelines date back to the date of exposure.
4. Kissing is considered safe, just like the old song from Casablanca: "You must remember this; a kiss is just a kiss . . . as time goes by."
I should also point out PEP is generally not recommended for sword polishing (or unprotected blowjobs).
Dr. Bob-a-lot's advice is to finish your course of PEP, chill out, chill the champagne and start practicing for your WOO-HOO-happily-ever-after.
Good luck. (Oh, and by the way, you get 10 bonus extra-credit cool-points for your creative writing endeavor!)
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