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All new to me
Sep 30, 2008

My partner of 20 years has just been told he is aids defined. I love him and just want to have the best quality of life we can. However, what was once great sex, is now very uncomfortable. Not by me but him. He is concurned with my health, I tested negative. He pleasures me (so he thinks) but I am not allowed to touch him, like oral. What can I do to make this right? Thanks.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

HIV can make even a sex god feel like his touch is toxic. Your partner is trying to protect you and in the process is taking on all the responsibility for maintaining your HIV-negative status. Relationships, of course, can never be one-sided. I suggest you and your partner read through the chapter in the archives of this forum devoted to magnetic couples. It will address many of your concerns. Communication is key. In addition to establishing new safer sex rituals that you both agree to based on what is known scientifically about the risk of HIV transmission associated with various sexual practices and based on each of your comfort levels, there are other means of protecting against HIV transmission to consider including:

1. Get a starter pack of PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) to use in case there is an accidental exposure (broken condom, etc.).

2. Have your partner take antiretroviral medication to drive his HIV plasma viral load to undetectable levels. The risk of HIV transmission is significantly decreased when the HIV plasma viral load is undetectable.

3. Consider PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis). Clinical trials are underway to determine whether the negative half of a magnetic couple taking antiretroviral drugs can result in protection from infection. Some magnet couples are already employing this harm reduction strategy, even though the results of the clinical trails are not yet available. You can read more about all these methods in the archives.

Finally, advise your poz partner I, too, am the poz partner in a magnetic couple (15 years and counting). Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) and I continue to have a very satisfying sexual life, despite my being virally enhanced. And yes, I'm talking about toe-curling, own-name-forgetting, wake-the-neighbors type of sex.

Dr. Bob



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