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Is refusing sex with new boyfriend before testing weird?
Sep 16, 2008

Hi. I recently said to my new boyfriend that we should both have STD/HIV tests before having sex for the first time (I know I'm clean but thought it was fairer to suggest it for both of us). His response was basically that I'm crazy and that only 'poofs and blacks' get AIDS. Eek!! Prejudice and ignorance aren't qualities I look for in a life partner so his days are numbered but, for future reference, is this really that weird a request? My thinking was that testing would mean he could be treated for anything he might have like chlamydia and we'd at least be aware if he's HIV+. If he's clean then I would still want to use a condom for sex but we could be more relaxed for oral. To me, this is just safe sex but he obviously thought I was a freak. What's your opinion?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

He said "only poufs and blacks get AIDS"????? EEK is right! I'm glad you've decided to make this new guy your new ex-boyfriend! Prejudice and ignorance are a dangerous combination. Let me guess, he thinks Sarah "I can see Russia from my house" Palin is qualified to be one heartbeat away from the presidency, right???

As for your request for STD/HIV screening with your partner before doing the horizontal mattress mambo, no, it's not a "weird request." I think it's an excellent idea. However, as you point out, even if the partner tests negative, latex condoms are still imperative, because, remember, your partner is only as negative as the date of his/her last test. And it's impractical to test before each tumble in the sheets.

You are not a freak for wanting to be safe. Your partner was just being Dubya-stupid for not realizing your good intentions. My advice is to continue to stay safe and to find a more reasonable boyfriend!

Dr. Bob



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