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Risk, worry & OCD
Aug 30, 2008

Yesterday I had protected (partial) receptive anal sex with a male masseur at a sauna. I don't know the HIV status of the masseur but he was fastidious in observed hygiene and condom usage. .He failed to properly penetrate me as I was too uncomfortable. I am not aware of there being any problem with the condom and I dont believe that he ejaculated. I am a married bi-sexual 50 year old and my sexual practices have been limited both with my wife and others. This is the third time in 15 years Ive tried protected anal sex. However, like thousands of questioners to this site I am now desperately worried. To complicate matters I suffer from mild depression linked with OCD. I nave been taking a low dosage of Prozac for many years which makes me feel normal and outbreaks of OCD/anxiety are now very rare and I can tend to get a grip on myself within a couple of days after whatever irrational worry has sparked these off. As you may imagine from the above, in the last 24 hours I have worked myself into a right old state with circular obsessive what if..? thoughts. I am trying to be rational about the level of risk based on the fact I have no proof either way whether the masseur was HIV +, there did not seem to be a problem with the condom or that he ejaculated and he did not penetrate me fully. I do have some ongoing haemarrhoidal bleeding problems around my anus so if there was leakage of some sort I assume my risk would be higher. Having read this site I realize the sensible thing to do now is take a test at three months and also to be more careful if not celibate in my extra-marital sexual practices. I wont even begin to go into the guilt about all of this. In the meantime, anything you can say to help me put things in proper perspective, quantifying the level of risk and to help me try and contain my OCD would be so much appreciated. Thank you for anything you can offer and for all the help you offer on this site to so many people.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Another married bi-guy with depression, OCD and hemorrhoids wanting to play Brokeback Mountain with a studly masseur??? You're like the 3rd one this week!

My assessment and advice remain the same to all:

1. HIV cannot permeate intact latex. No way. No how.

2. "What if-ing" is nothing more than mental masturbation (without the pleasurable happy ending).

3. Getting a three-month test to put your unwarranted worries permanently to rest is indeed "sensible."

4. Consider counseling to help you confront issues of sexual orientation, OCD, and your irrational fear of HIV.

Good luck!

Dr. Bob



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