Horrible lapse in judgement with sexworker (CONDOM SLIPPED 2008)
Aug 15, 2008
Hello Dr. Frascino,
I would first like to thank you for your work with your foundation and through this website. Unfortunately my education in regards to HIV was apparently lacking, and my seemingly obsessive searching of this site has been undeniably the single greatest resource for educating me to the actual risks and what HIV is and is not. I only wish that when I went to school some of this information was available.
I'm sincerely sorry if this type of question has been asked before, but after fairly thorough searching I decided to ask for your risk assesment.
As a recently returning veteran I made the horrible lapse in judgement to, after being intoxicated, go to a massage parlor. Once there I had vaginal penetration intercourse with a sexworker who I have no idea if she is HIV + or -.
The condom was on properly, and there was no break, however, after coming I continued to thrust and after finishing I pulled out and my penis became significantly softer ( perhaps even as I was pulling out), to where the condom only covered perhaps half of my phallus, and not to the base.
Am I excessively worrying about the risk and annoying overworked Dr's such as yourself needlessly, or am I at a greater than normal risk?
Once again, thank you for your time and your work at educating those of us who in the past were regrettfully ignorant.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Your statement, "I only wish that when I went to school some of this information was available," speaks volumes about the deplorable state of science-based, age-appropriate sex education in our schools. This will improve considerably once President Obama takes office and begins undoing the damage done by Dubya's Reign of Error.
Regarding your specific question, you can relax. As long as the latex condom was used properly, did not break and covered the "business end" of your throbbing tallywhacker, your risk of acquiring HIV would be essentially nonexistent. HIV cannot permeate intact skin, such as the skin on the shaft of your Mr. Happy. HIV can permeate mucous membranes, such as the one that lines your urethra (pee hole). So as long as the skin on your joystick was intact and your urethra had its raincoat in place, HIV transmission/acquisition would not be a worry.
I'm impressed a fully rolled-out condom only covered half of your trouser snake. I'll bet you're Italian, right? Also, see below. This question actually does come up fairly frequently.
Play safe and you'll stay safe.
Victim of no sex education Mar 1, 2008
Hi, I've come across this site and I'm pretty angry. Not at you by the way. I had an encounter with a girl who lets just say she sleeps around a lot. not wanting to risk anything i only let her give me oral sex. but the condom i had didnt go the fullway down. it covered the tip of my penis and then went about halfway down it. i wasn't sure in other words it didnt cover the whole of the penis but definitely got the whole head and alot of the bit that supports it (the long bit). however at times her mouth was over the uncovered bit but only when i had my whole penis in her mouth. I didn't know if i was adequately protected pretty much because we didn't learn about this at school. can you please tell me if I was protected properly. I know HIV is unlikely as she probably did not have it and even if she did the odds are low as it was oral sex. but i will still need to know this in future so if you can tell me i would be greatful.
Adding to my question(Victim of abstinence sex ed)
Dr Bob I've just spent the last 10 minutes trying to find my answer on the internet and have found so many contradictions. I am out of my mind with worry. Anyway the one thing I could work out is that the long bit of my penis is the shaft. On an answer in the archives a Mr Kull said the shaft of the penis is intact skin and hence fluids that come in contact with that would not put me at risk of HIV. It's the head of the penis and the tip that put you at risk if fluids come in contact with them . These were definitely covered so I assume I'm all right. Please please reassure me, if only for the fact that I shouldn't have to go through this worrying if they taught us properly.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello Victim of Abstinence-Only Sex Ed.,
You found contradictions regarding the safety of protected oral sex??? YIKES! What sites were you reviewing VaticanSexTips.com? FocusOnTheFamily'sEverythingYouDon'tNeedToKnowAboutBlowjobs.com?
I'd suggest you peruse the wealth of information on this site, in its archives and on its related links. I'm confident you'll find more consensus. I'll try to summarize and simplify the response by stating protected sex (oral, anal, vaginal) is indeed protected if the latex condom is used properly and does not fail. HIV cannot permeate intact latex. No way. No how. HIV also can not permeate intact skin, such as that on the shaft (yes, it's "the long bit") of the penis. HIV can be absorbed across mucous membranes, such as the lining of the urethra (conduit from pee hole to bladder) or vagina. That your condom covered the business end of your tallywhacker and did not fail (break) would mean your HIV-acquisition risk was essentially nonexistent. Even without the condom (unprotected), insertive oral sex carries only a very low potential risk for acquiring HIV. Had you been taught even the very rudimentary facts related to oral sex, condoms and STDs, you would have known this information. "Victim" is an excellent word for those who have had to endure Dubya's misguided and science-phobic abstinence-only-until-marriage sex education policy. Yet another colossal failure of Dubya's Reign of Error!
Finally, I must say that I am impressed by both you and your gal pal. You, because if indeed you rolled a normal sized condom all the way down and it only covered half of your trouser snake, you must indeed be hiding a king python in your 501s. And your gal was able to play tonsil hockey with your one-eyed monster, swallowing up more than a full-condom length of joystick and part of the uncovered shaft? Hmm . . . needless to say she must not have a gag reflex. You both seem very "talented."
This woman has to be crazy or evil? Nov 2, 2007
At the end of January this year I had protected vaginal sex with an escort but she gave me a long and unprotected blowjob. I was kinda drunk that night so I didn't stop her at doing that. But ever since then it makes me think, why the hell would a sex worker give unprotected oral, I know HIV is a low risk for both parties but other stuff can be easily passed on. Is she out there to get and give diseases or what? I'm sure she has many customers and after plenty of unprotective blowjobs she could get HIV. I have been concerned about getting the HIV test because also during intercourse I noticed after a while that my condom slipped up some and only covered the upper half of my penis. Should I get tested or not?
Response from Dr. Frascino
Dude, don't you think you're being hard on the hooker, calling her crazy or evil just because she gave you an unprotected blowjob? You're the one who hired her, remember? And it was your uncovered erect penis that was being sucked, wasn't it? It takes two willing partners to have "a long unprotected blowjob!" The "kinda drunk so I didn't stop her" is a very weak excuse. We all need to take responsibility for our actions, not blame the other person and call them crazy or evil, OK?
Your HIV risk from your insertive oral sex is minimal. As for your condom slipping up so that it only covered the upper half of Mr. Happy, this would not be an HIV risk so long as the business end of your tallywhacker remained sheathed in latex.
Should you get tested? That's up to you. Your HIV risk is very low. However, if you are worried, a single rapid HIV test at the three-month mark would put these residual worries permanently to rest.
Good luck. Stay safe. Stay well. Remember, escorts are not crazy or evil and neither are the folks who hire them.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO FOR YOU TO RESPOND? I am only 18 and i fear for the worst Mar 23, 2003
i had sex with a prositute, i am 18 years old, it was my first time with sex. i live in a country where .1 of the population is HIV +, however i feel she almost positively has it. she put a condom on me, i beleive latex. it only covered about 2/3 of my penis. i did not have a full erection the entire time. in fact, alot of the time i was almost fully soft. we had sex for about 4 minutes. maybe 5. i cannot remember, but i beleive some of her vaginal secretions leaked into the condom, because i was soft and it was not fully covering my penis. i beleive she had bacterial vanitis because her secretions had a terrible odor and she was very very wet. i was not circumsized but the doctor said i dont need to be. i am not sure but i know that the forskin only covers half of my head. anyway, i became pretified when i thought about what i had just done. i told my father, he is convinced i have nothing. this woman is likely to have HIV because she is older and has been having sex alot, she is asian and she goes back and forth to differnt countries. i am about to leave to the US for college in a few monthes and i fear that i have destroyed my future, what i have been thinking only about for the last 2 years. help i am so scared please DO NOT ignore me like the other times. i want to know what the chances are of her fluids leaking into my condom, it was pretty loose, and after sex with her, my penis smelt like her vagina for 2 days. when i pulled back my forskin i saw a slipery fluid and it smelt just like her vagina. does that necesarily mean that he fluids got there? or could the smell go through the condom? these questions seem stupid but i need ot know and none of your forums answer them concretely
this is 2 weeks later and last night i woke up with night sweats, partially running nose, and i feel hot and cold at the same time today and i have been real tired the past 2 days. i fear these may be symptoms of acute HIV infections. also how sensitive is my urethra? does it take alot of fluid to get into my bloodstream? or can it take very little? does her bacterial vaginitis increase the risk of me getting infected? i am petrified and have been checking this site every day for a response but have received none. i went to a doctor today and i got tested for any bacteria or other STDs and all came out negative, and no bacteria was found. the doctor said i do not have hiv since i wore a condom, despite the way it was worn. he also said that usually if she had HIV she would have given me something else too. i would have been convinced but these syptoms i have recently been experiencing make me think otherwise. i told my father and he said i am imagining them, he said its all psychological. PLEASE REPLY THIS TIME. i dont know what i have to do to get your responses. i am so worried because i could have destroyed my life, and my mother, who has done nothing but bend over backwards for me will be devestated, she does not deserve this at all.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello first timer!
First off, relax!!! I agree with your Dad. Most likely you have nothing to worry about. I'm sorry your first sexual experience has been so stressful. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, not anxiety provoking!
Now let's delve into your potential risk. It's impressive that a latex condom only covered 2/3 of your penis, which was "almost fully soft." If the condom was fully rolled down, you must be one big guy!
For future reference, having sex with someone whose "secretion had a terrible odor" is never a very good idea. No wonder you were Mr. Softy.
True, being uncircumcised can be an independent risk factor for contracting HIV; however, that applies to unprotected intercourse (not using a latex condom). With a condom in place - circumcised or not - you should be well-protected from HIV.
Next, be careful of assumptions. You are convinced this gal had HIV "because she is older and has been having sex a lot, is Asian, and goes back and forth to different countries"??? By those criteria, you'd have to assume most airline flight attendants are HIV-positive! "Older?" Hell, you're only 18; they couldn't be too much younger, or sex would be illegal. "Having sex a lot?" The quantity of sex does not necessarily mean an increased risk for HIV. One reckless encounter (unprotected receptive anal or vaginal sex) is much riskier than multiple episodes of safe (latex condom-protected sex). "Asian?" So what? HIV doesn't really care what race you happen to be. "Travels back and forth to different countries?" Again, HIV couldn't care less how many frequent flyer miles you have. In other words, my friend, if your next encounter happens to be a very young, "nearly virginal," non-Asian, who has never traveled farther than your local shopping mall, don't be fooled into thinking she must be HIV negative. Always, always, always, take the appropriate precautions for safer sex.
Next, your "penis smelt like her vagina for 2 days?" What's the matter -- Is your shower out of order or something? Simple soap and water should have taken care of this. By the way, how did you smell your own penis? You must be very flexible.
The slippery stuff when you pulled back your foreskin was most likely your own pre-ejaculate, not her vaginal secretions. No, neither her fluids nor her foul vaginal odor can pass through a latex condom.
Your symptoms sound much more like anxiety than acute HIV. Your negative STD screening is encouraging; however, I don't totally agree with your doctor that "if she had HIV, she would have given you something else too." That certainly is not always the case!
If you're worried, get HIV tested at the 3-month mark. Your risk is extremely low, and the odds are overwhelmingly in your favor. I do not think you have ruined your future. It's nice that you don't want to devastate your bending-over-backwards mother, but remember, she's not the reason you should be practicing safer sex. Your health is your responsibility.
Last, but not least, you asked, "How sensitive is my urethra?" That's an odd question. How should I know? If it's anything like the rest of ours, it should be very sensitive indeed!
Bottom line: Despite your fears, the condom most likely was protective. Good luck. I'm sure you'll enjoy your time here in the U.S.
Raincoat only on halfway before the storm May 14, 2004
Dr. Bob you are the only one who can answer this one! First off, just reading through all the archives here has been thoroughly enlightening, and I feel Ive learned so much in the past few weeks, even though Ive been pretty much freaking out. I had a one night stand, someone I didn't know, met at a bar. The typical story. Anyway, there was unprotected oral on both our parts, though my going downtown on her didnt last long. As I was drinking during the night, I had a little trouble getting my little man to stand at attention. Eventually he did, and I put a condom on, but only got it over the head and a little bit more down. Figuring this was enough, I went to town. The condom stayed on the whole time, and I thought I was safe. Until later when I really thought of it, how safe was I really? I looked through your forums, you say if the "action end" is covered, you should be good. I had a test done at 3 weeks, negative. I know I have to do the three month. I ruled out any other STD's. Talk about an eye opener though. Totally made me question past activities, and set me down the right road for future ones. I will be sending a donation, and would like to volunteer my time to a good cause, an AIDS clinic, etc. Any good suggestions on that? Anyway Dr. Bob, before all this, I wasn't living the way I should be anyway - taking life for granted, worrying about useless matters, etc. After reading all your answers to all these questions, it made me see that I have been a total idiot by thinking that way!! Every day on earth is a good one, no matter what happens. Maybe one day I'll get the honor to meet you person, you are truly a hero and an inspiration to many people out there. Just wanted to say thanks, and get your thoughts on my riskiness. Did I use a condom "technically" or not? Or is it a gray area? My best to you sir!!
Response from Dr. Frascino
Thanks for your kind comments.
Your HIV risk is primarily unprotected oral, which as you undoubtedly know from reading the archives, carries an extremely low risk. Yes, having your "little man's action end" covered, assuming his raincoat stayed in place should offer protection from HIV. But, I wouldn't recommend going out half-dressed for future adventures the raincoat could slip off and besides, it's a bad fashion statement to arrive at the party half-cocked, so to speak.
I agree a three-month test will give you a definitive result. All the odds are in your favor that you did not contract HIV from this walk on the wild side.
Thank you for your donation! It's urgently needed, considering ongoing cuts in AIDS funding and the shift in resources resulting from this misguided war effort. Recent statistics show there are at least 60,000 HIV-positive right here in the U.S. who do not have access to life-extending HIV meds! That is shameful considering Rummy just requested another 25 billion for the war. Where is the money to fight the war on AIDS both here and abroad? Regarding volunteer work, I don't' know where you are writing form, but a quick check with your local AIDS service organization should provide you with multiple options.
Good luck on your test! And one last thing do you really want to refer to your joy stick as "little man"? Similarly, I never understood Bill Gates wanting to be called "Mr. Micro-Soft".
Scared man Jul 11, 2005
Hi Doc, You provide a great service on this site! I'm in my mid-40's, atheletic. I'm not active generally sexually, due to fears of disease, and resposibilies as a divorced father of four. In April of this year, I had intercourse twice with a woman I had just met a few days earlier. I used a condom each time. The first time, the condom slipped down to cover the head, but not the entire shaft. The second time I made sure was pulled all the way up.
Later when I confronted her about STDs and HIV she became angry and told me not to call her back.
About 3.5 weeks later got flu-like sickness with sore throught, diahhrea, and dehydration, thirst, white tongue, stomach gurgling sounds. No night sweats, fever or rash. At 5 weeks, went to Urgent Care, PA ran CBC and Met Panel. Lymps 1,400 (17%), WBC 8.3, Neuts 6,200 (75%). Stool culture had no bacteria. She said that everything was fine and gave me diahhrea medicine. At 6 weeks, went to see a GP, who reviewed the same blood work. I told him about incident and he said that I was fine - no need for HIV-1/HIV-2 AB test. I insisted and came back nonreactive at 6.3 weeks. At 9 weeks, I was still having stomach bloating and white tongue with lesions. He re-ran the blood panels - everything was in range, with Lymph at 1600 (31%) and Neuts at 3000 (58%). I know that Massachusetts has a 6 week window period. Are the lab numbers indicative of seroconversion? How good is the 6.3 week AB test? This has been an incredible difficult period. I've been drinking alot and have stressed my entire family. Any insight or guidance on the lab results / testing is helpful. I'm sending a donation! Thanks!
Response from Dr. Frascino
You are "not active generally sexually due to fears of disease, and 'resposibilies' as a divorced father of four . . . ." OK, so in April you had sex twice with a woman you had just met ??? And now you state "I've been drinking a lot and have stressed my entire family." Hmmm . . . sounds to me like you are active sexually and not living up to your family "resposibilies" very well at the moment. By the way, what the hell are "resposibilies???"
OK, on to your questions. You had protected sex twice. On one occasion the condom slipped a bit but covered the action end of your one-eyed monster. Consequently your HIV risk is essentially nil. So after your main squeeze became your ex-main squeeze, because you "confronted her about STDs and HIV," you developed some symptoms and were evaluated first at an urgent care center and then by your GP. Blood work on both occasions was normal. You then "insisted" on getting an HIV-1/2 antibody test at 6.3 weeks, which was negative. Does that sum things up? So you want to know:
1. Are the lab numbers indicative of seroconversion? Dude, you've already been told twice your lab numbers are "fine." I agree.
2. A 6.3-week negative HIV test is encouraging, but not definitive. If you feel you've placed yourself at risk, you should get tested at three months.
As for "any insight or guidance," I feel your fears are unwarranted. You clearly state you have " . . . fears of disease . . . ." I couldn't agree more. (I think your ex-girlfriend, the one who's about to put a restraining order out on you, would agree as well.) I do not believe HIV is your problem. In other words, I don't believe you have AIDS, but rather suffer from Fr'AIDS (fear of AIDS). I would strongly recommend you get counseling to help you cope with your anxiety and irrational fears. It should also help with your drinking problem.
Thank you for your donation!
Big schlong comments Jul 11, 2006
I thought the comment about the king kong dong was hilarious...
Yet i am a guy with a freakishly large penis, and i thought i'd post a few comments in reply.
Condoms, as most males (and some females) will agree that its a passion reducer.. yes, condoms will expand like 20 times their size, but one thing ur forgetting is that the bigger the schlong, the tighter the condom gets, the more trouble blood has getting into ur big boy and maintaining an erection. no, i dont have ED in any form as i can stay hard without the dreaded rubbers... im assuming ur next question is how big is my member...11 inches long and 8 around the shaft.. Also, one thing that slightly bothered me was ur comment ' never seen one that size on a white boy'. I AM WHITE... ok. ok. Half white half arab. if ur wondering what im doing here commenting the size of my 3rd arm, ill tell you.. ive been scared shitless MANY MANY times experiencing ARS symptoms and turning out negative kuz condoms seem to break almost EVERY SINGLE TIME, and i've become a regular on ur pages, so that if i ever get anything, ill know as much about hiv as i possibly could. ur a great person. best wishes
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello Big Boy,
11 X 8????? WOWZA! Are you sure you're not Italian??? So I guess instead of joining our "X-Files" (ex-worried wells), we'll have to admit you to our XL Files!
The truth about condoms is that any regular condom will fit any size man, including you, Mr. Big! Fill one with water and you'll see they hold several liters! If your condoms are breaking "every single time," it's probably one of two things:
1. You are using outdated, inferior-quality raincoats (unlikely).
2. You aren't using them correctly (very likely). Don't forget you need to pinch at least half an inch at the end of the condom before you roll it on and you must use plenty of water-based lubricant. Remember "lubrication is your friend."
I addressed this topic in a support group recently. To prove that condoms fit even the most well endowed boys, I asked if anyone had a condom handy. As it turns out, they all did! (Guess these HIV support groups are really great places to pick up guys for the night!) Anyway, I took one (unlubricated) and stretched it over my head! No, no that one, the one on my shoulders! (Boy, you certainly have a one-track mind!) Give it a try. It's a neat party trick, although you need to be careful not to rip the condom with your nails. I told the support-group guys that if any of them had a trouser snake bigger than my head, I would . . . well, I won't tell you exactly what I promised, but let's just say I didn't have to deliver.
Getting to your other point: your astronaut doesn't like his spacesuit to be too tight when out on his moon walk. I agree this can be a legitimate concern. If your home entertainment center is feeling too constrained when dressed for action, you can order a "custom wrap job" from Condomania's Web site, condomania.com.
OK, so no more excuses! I expect to see you knight always properly attired in his shining armor prior to going into action!
Stay safe. Stay well, XL-Guy.
I'll repost the question and answer to which you refer below.
king kong dong Jul 8, 2006
Met my new boyfriend Rufus on the net. Turns out his penis measurements were in "real" rather than Internet inches! That's never happened to me before. This guy could make King Kong blush with envy. Well he wants to have sex but says condoms don't fit because he's such a big boy. What do you recomend?
Ready, Willing, and hopefully Able Abe
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello Hopefully Able Abe,
So you met King Kong Schlong Rufus on the Net? Hmmm . . . . Where did you find him, www.massivelyendowedsingles.com???
So, um, Abe, just how big is Rufus? Inquiring minds want to know! Oh never mind. We better not get distracted here or you'll never get your question answered.
Abe, the bottom line here is that you need to protect your, um, bottom line (so to speak). And unless Rufus is so large that even the Lincoln Tunnel would have a tough time accommodating him, condoms will fit. Try Magnum XL. They work for me . . . oops, I mean they should accommodate anything that doesn't belong in a circus freak show.
Just to prove my point. Take one out of its snazzy foil packet and blow it up like a balloon. Once it gets to be 10 times bigger than Rufus's tallywhacker, tie a knot in it and show it to Mr. Big. He won't be able to complain about them not fitting ever again.
Just for laughs, I'll post a few questions from the archives that deal with size, OK?
Stay well. Stay safe, Abe.
BIGGER OEM IS BIGGER RISK?? Apr 21, 2006
Dear Dr. Bob,
I ll be brief:
Does having a bigger OEM (one eyed monster) increases your risk of HIV on unprotected sex for both insertive and receptive?
You are doing a great job, you are the best!
Thanks a lot.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Just how much bigger are we talking about here? Like "gosh, I never saw one of those on a white boy before" or "oh my God!!!" or "Zowie, does that thing come with its own zip code?"
Bottom line: size does matter in some things, but not necessarily in HIV risk. Unprotected tiny weenies and giant salamis have the same statistical risks. Of course, the giant salamis may well have more opportunities to get into trouble than those Dick Cheney-sized head-in-the-bushes types.
Stay well, Big Boy.
Sex through zipper on pants? Jan 19, 2004
can a guy have sex with you through the zipper on his pants? without unbuttoning them?
Response from Dr. Frascino
What the hell are you talking about? First off, zippers zip and buttons button. Zippers don't unbutton. Next, even if the dude is a pencil-dicked geek, his Mr. Happy just wouldn't fit through a zipped zipper. Right? So tell me, just how small is your boyfriend?
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