PNP BB GUILT
Jul 25, 2008
Doc. I am 29 year old addict I've been dealing with addiction since I was 15, I have a g/f of 6 years, shes cheated on me in the past she gave me HPV, we have a 3 year old son. we are still together even after the cheating which happened 8 months ago, since everything has been fine, last week she went to a bacheloret party in Vegas she is due to come back tomorrow.... er later today. while she was gone I engaged in using Meth a drug I had an issue with 4 years ago but since had been clean after my son was born. I met a man we had anal sex for about 20 seconds we could not finish because it was to painfull I was the one recieving. he did not ejaculate in me, it was not my intention to have unprotected sex, i told him to put it on in which case he said he did, later that day I saw the box of brand new condoms I had just bought and it was still full, I paniced and tryied to find the guy using the internet. I almost died when I found it on an M4M he states he is POZ and BB ONLU Positve and he only does bareback. I contacted a friend of mine who is a Counselor and told him what happened since he works with HIV AIDS people he told me to get to an emergency room and ask for a drug colvibi, I rushed to the Emergency Room the Doctor explained that per CDC and per the circumstances I have a 6 in 7000 chance of getting it. I am taking the pills they are horible. Now this is my dilehma. I love my GF I dont and cant explain how or why I did what I did, I have never done that before other then fantasize about it, My meth us before was more of cleaning and working better staying awake to finish work and school Projects but recently it has been a sexual thing, women men etc... I am scared to death in telling my girlfriend, regardless of if she has cheated on me in the past, I think it;s more of SHAME and fear that I will loose respect from our 3 year old son her family my family friends etc as she might be so upset that she will disclose all info.
I do not know my currect status I am going to get a test tomorrow, there is no way for me to tell her lets wear a condom from now on as we never did before, which is rather weird because she cheated on me with 5 different men, I am not sure how or what to say to her to not hurt her but I also do not feel that I should tell her exactly how, even if I manage to get her to let us just use a condom The Drugs effects are far to noticable to hide.
Do you recomend anything? Please keep in mind I DO NOW KNOW MY STATUS and per what the er doc said he made it seem that I had good chances... but I am not willing to put her at risk of getting it, one of us has to be here for our son.
Response from Dr. Frascino
I would advise you seek counseling to help you deal with your many issues, including drug abuse, sexual orientation, guilt, etc. I would also strongly advise you level with your wife. It's not only the best way to confront your guilt; it's also the right thing to do. Couples counseling may help mend your relationship, should you both decide you want to stay together.
Good luck with your HIV test and in confronting the multiple issues that are complicating your life.
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