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Normal Life with a Secret

Jul 14, 2008

Hope this post I am sure there are many families like mine. We live a very normal life except my husband is +. We have kids, pets and live a very balanced life. But since our knowledge of his status life has slightly changed. What is the best way to save a relationship with such a huge difference in the relationship. He is in the best shape of his life, no detection. In addition no one else knows of his condition. I know you and your partner are +/- how do you cope? Also please educate me on "safe sex" for +/- couples.

Your work is amazing and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Response from Dr. Frascino


Personally I don't feel secrets are healthy. I realize disclosing one's HIV status can be extremely challenging, but you indicate that "no one else knows of his condition." That's got to be difficult for both you and your husband. I would encourage you both to confide in trusted friends and family to build a support network.

As for "the best way to save a relationship with such a huge difference in the relationship," actually, I don't look at it that way. Your basic relationship hasn't changed. Nothing really has been taken away from your ability to love and care about each other. Rather, something has been "added," a virus. Certainly that can and will present challenges, but facing challenges together often strengthens relationships. I would suggest you and your husband read through the archives of this forum, focusing on the chapters: "Magnetic Couples," "Sexual HIV Transmission" and "Safer Sexual Techniques." This should answer the vast majority of your questions.

As for how do Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) and I cope as a magnetic couple of 15 years, well, I'd say we cope "very well!" You can read more about our story in the archives as well. If you have very specific questions after that, write back. Also, you should accompany your husband on his routine visits to his HIV specialist and use the specialist's expertise to address any questions or concerns you may have individually or as a couple.

Always remember, opposites attract.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

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