Firstly, can I just compliment you on your excellent site and forums which obviously provide invaluable information/support to people across the globe. Over the weekend (and while on holidays in Spain), I had a risky encounter with a 19 year old spanish guy (unprotected anal where I was the top). Afterwards, riddled with guilt I phoned my boyfriend of 4 years to tell him what I'd done. I'm now back in Ireland and we're taking some time apart. In the meantime I was really worried as I don't know the spanish guy's HIV status. This concern made me go to my STI clinic and I'm now on PEPS (began around 32 or 33 hours after the encounter). However, I have also managed to find the spanish guy through a networking site on the net and have sent him a message just saying I'd like to speak to him. I obviously want to know if his sexual history should give me cause for alarm but I don't know exactly how to approach the subject without him running a mile. I've been lucky enough to find him online - now I just don't want to ruin my chances of verifyung his positive or negative status (for both our sakes). Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi,

As always, I recommend "honesty," pure and simple. Don't beat around the bush. Just tell him exactly what you're worried about and that you've begun PEP (not "PEPS"). Ask if he knows his status or if he's willing to be tested. And let him know you'll advise him of your HIV test results as well. If he "runs a mile," well, you're in Ireland and he's in Spain. What difference will one more mile make anyway? You clearly are doing everything you possibly can to abort an HIV infection. No matter what your hot Latin bottom boy tells you or doesn't tell you, I doubt it will change your course of action and it certainly won't change the ultimate outcome of your HIV serostatus.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob