|When to take test? Really need help!
Jul 1, 2008
Just donated $50 BTW Really need help here. This is my ONLY experience with another woman after I got married 26 years ago: A well-known pro-Dom in Thailand sat on my face briefly and had me tongue her clit through her dry panty - which MIGHT have become slightly moist and in contact with my tongue only - tasted nothing. I thought about that possibility later as I began to get paranoid. She and her assistant both came as I massaged them with fingers through panties only - no skin contact. I had no cuts or abrasions I knew of. Later made love with my wife a week later unprotected as usual thinking there was no danger from my experience. Later, getting paranoid told my doctor about it and asked if it was possible to get HIV that way and he said only if I had cuts in my mouth - which I'm certain I didn't. He told me I'd have to wait until July or probably just forget about it since I had no cuts. I finally asked the woman, who is very nice, friendly and has been in business for over 10 years if it was possible she was positive - and she reminded me she worked in a hospital and had to take monthly blood tests which put my fears at rest but - parnoid still - highly unlikely she'd be positive and put me at risk.
Your forum puts the risk of unprotected cunnilingus at near zero - and through a possibly moist panty? Even less? Any difference you think? Anyway, waiting the three-month mark and my wife was diagnosed with stage one breast cancer three tiny non-invasve spots. The perfect storm! She will undergo double mastectomy this week. She doesn't want to take chances of re-development. Its too early by one week to get tested. She has had no symptoms of any kind - she is outside all the time bike riding. This would be 2.5 months since a possible exposure from me...
While your forum and other sites have been vastly reassuring of the risk - still, I've been dying by inches turning over 'what if I was positive and infected her?' I'd loose her, my family, be disgraced, and an outcaste to say the least. I've been having daily freakouts where I'm shivering with fright at times - the base betrayal! And of course, my 'symptoms' - very mild cold two months after then middle of June developed slightly swollen neck lymph nodes under my jaw with all the tension and anxiety -but that happens to me a lot anyway when I'm getting a cold - having nightmares and waking up 'flushed' - I know - of no account.
The fact that the risk is near zero and the lady told me she was 'clean' (the house prides itself as a 'safe playspace.') constantly allows me to reassure myself so I can function, still there's that outside chance......and the symptoms.
My dilema is 1) Taking the test, I don't think I could handle a false positive. I'm terrified of that. 2) If I'm feeling a little poorly with a possible other infection (cold) would that affect the outcome?
3) If I take the test early and it IS positive how can I function to care for my wife? I'd be devastated and she doesn't need that kind of news.
4)I want to wait until she is healing/healed after one or two months then take it since the risk is so small -then in the unlikely event it IS positive at least she'll be able to handle it better than now - it would really devastate her anyway.
Please help me!! Thanks!!
| Response from Dr. Frascino
Your HIV risk is so remote it becomes essentially nonexistent. HIV is not your problem. "Fear of HIV" and guilt are your problems. My advice is that you level with your wife. It's not only the best way for you to confront and conquer your guilt and anxiety; it's also the right thing to do. I realize your wife is dealing with her stage-one breast cancer and this may not seem like the ideal time to disclose this lapse of judgment. However, there is never an ideal time and the longer you wait the greater your anxiety will become. Medically speaking, HIV testing is not indicated for such a remote potential HIV risk. However, if it will help to put your irrational worries permanently to rest, get a single rapid HIV test at the three-month mark. The results will undoubtedly be negative.
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