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Cheating husband...HIV exposure risk??

Jun 23, 2008

Hi Dr. Bob : I have sort of a statistical question...I am married & have children with my wife ...I recently got so drunk away on a work trip & had unprotected sex with a girl my friends & I met at a sports bar-she was not a priostitue & was younger than me...she was also very drunk at the time -the whole thing lasted no time at all we were so drunk we fell asleep & I don't believe I actually secreted any semen...there was no oral between either of us...I have been tested over my life & know I am not HIV positive...I dont know about this girl I barely remember her to be honest...I had no cuts, scrapes of any kind on my penis- I am uncircumzised... what are my statistical chances of contracting HIV from a one time encounter like this ??? I plan to be tested at 20 days, 3 months & 6 months for everything -it has only been 2 weeks & I have no signs of any other STDs at the moment from her but I am so afraid for myself & my wife as we have kissed etc since...what are my risks of giving anything to my wife through kissing or oral sex???...we use condoms during intercourse anyway as a pregnancy prevention method... Thanks,

I am so scared here any input would be appreciated.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi Cheating Husband,

It's a bit difficult for me to give you an estimated statistical risk, considering you aren't even sure what happened! Let's assume you did the unsafe horizontal mattress mambo with Miss Sports Bar and that Miss Sports Bar previously had done the entire football and hockey teams the week before you came to town and that she is now HIV positive, OK? In other words, I'm giving you a worst-case scenario. Well, maybe not the absolute worst-case scenario. After all, I could have made Miss Sports Bar the next-door neighbor of your mother-in-law, had her videotape your entire sexcapade on her new iPhone and then had her brag about her conquest to her neighbor (your mother-in-law) while showing her the video. Yeah, that would definitely have been worse. Or even worse yet, you could have been so drunk that you shtooped Senator Larry Craig in drag. See, things could always be worse. But I digress . . . .

Back to scenario #1, the estimated HIV-acquisition risk of unprotected penile-vaginal sex with a partner confirmed to be HIV positive is 5 per 10,000 exposures. Your statistical-risk estimate would, of course, be lower, as we do not know Miss Sports Bar's HIV status and we aren't even sure your Mr. Happy rose to the occasion, so to speak.

As for your fears regarding your wife, because ". . . we have kissed etc. . . . ," well, there is no HIV-transmission risk from kissing, but as for "etc.," well that, of course, depends on the "etc.!" However, since you are using condoms for penetrative sex, I would place her HIV risk in the nonexistent category.

My advice is that you level with your wife. It's not only the best way to confront your guilt; it's also the right thing to do. I would then get a single HIV-antibody test at the three-month mark. Testing prior to the three-month mark is not considered conclusive. Additional testing beyond an FDA-approved negative HIV test at three months is generally not warranted.

Good luck!

Dr. Bob

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