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Magnetic Couple Has Questions, Please Help (DISCLOSURE) (RIMMING)
May 23, 2008

Hello Dr.Bob, My partner and I are a gay couple, we just celebrated our 4th anniversary. I am poz, he is neg. Sexually, we have both come to an understanding on whats hot and safer, and what we should not do. We are comfortable with that as well. Even after all of that was said and done, he still has an issue with rimming. We have read through this site in regards to that, but, it still is an issue. Can you provide some more insite on this? We also, would like to get to the next level in our relationship, and obtain a domestic partnership certificate ( we are in Brooklyn NY). And in doing so, I want to disclose my status to my brother and sister-in-law. I have been practicing speeches, writing things out, trying to get the best approach to this. If I may ask, did you and Dr. Steve disclose to anyone in your family, or his? Although everyone hearing the news will react differently, can you offer some choice words or phrases, that I can borrow? I'm sure you will agree, when I say there is no 2nd chance for this, and I want my only chance to be as opitmal as possible. My health is fine, thank God. Diagnosed 8/9/2004 Started med's 9/20/2004, I'm undetectable since March 2005 and remain that way, Tcells 392, 21%. Anything that you can share is most welcomed. I applaud California on its descision for Gay Marriage, I hope the trends continues its way out to NY, and across the country. Anyway, thank you in advance and , I look forward to your response. Be Well, Frankie

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello 4th Anniversary Magnetic Couple,

Regarding the HIV risk associated with rimming, I've reviewed the currently available information many times in this forum (see below) and nothing has changed. There are no documented cases of HIV transmission/acquisition from rimming or getting rimmed. There is, however a risk of other STDs. (See below.) To decrease rimming risk, plastic wrap or a dental dam can be used. None of this is rocket science. Consequently, if your partner has "an issue" with rimming, perhaps the issue isn't STD/HIV related. Maybe he just isn't into it or whatever. Have a nonjudgmental heart-to-heart talk with him and, as always, respect the boundaries of his comfort level.

Disclosure is a much more complex and nuanced topic! Did Steve and I disclose to anyone in our families? Yes, in fact we disclosed to everyone in our families and eventually the general public as well. Unfortunately generic choice words or magic phrases related to HIV disclosure do not exist as everyone's situation is so unique. In general I would recommend disclosing in person rather than online or over the phone if possible. You can set the stage in advance by letting them know you have a "serious issue to discuss." I also recommend being very direct and honest and being prepared for almost any type of response from a loving tearful supportive hug to a shock-and-awe nuclear outburst of anger, frustration and fear. That you are disclosing now while you are healthy and in the process of setting up domestic partnership should be comforting as you break the HIV news. Don't worry too much about the reaction you may or may not get. It's relatively unpredictable, no matter how eloquently you explain the situation. And always remember, you're the one with the illness! You shouldn't have to worry about comforting your relatives. If they have a problem with HIV, it's really their problem to work out and come to terms with. You've got enough on your plate to deal with. Most family and friends come around eventually, even if their first reaction isn't exactly what we hoped for. You can read more about disclosure in the archives. We have a whole chapter dedicated to the subject.

Good luck! Happy Anniversary!

Dr. Bob

rimming Nov 6, 2006

Dear dr. Frascino, Thank you for all the great job that you are doing with all of us confused and in need of professional advice.Well im coming from Croatia and if you could be so nice to answer me shortly on 2 questions. First:If guy preforms rimming to me,are there any chances of contracting the HIV or anything else( im the receiving one). Second question:Can i get amebas by deep kissing with someone who already has them(ameboasis or something like that)? Many, many thanks in advance. Hope to get an answer from you.Greetings from sunny Croatia,Sasa

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Sasa from Sunny Croatia,

I've enjoyed many sunny days in sunny Croatia, particularly in Dubrovnik and Split!

Regarding rimming, there have been no documented cases of HIV transmission from rimming or getting rimmed. However, other STDs can be passed by the oral-fecal route. See below.

As to your second question, no, amebiasis is not transmitted by deep kissing, but can be transmitted by rimming.

Stay well.

Dr. Bob

rimming May 6, 2006

Dr. Bob,

Can you become infected with HIV if you are rimmed by an Hiv+ guy? Thanks.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

Another QTND (Question That Never Dies). A simple search of the archives would have answered your question, saving you the need to post a question and me the time to post a redundant response. But that's OK. We'll forgive you this time.

There have been no recorded cases of HIV transmission/acquisition from rimming or getting rimmed. However, rimming without a barrier does place you at risk for other STDs. Now before you immediately start typing yet another redundant question, if you want a rundown on exactly which STDs I'm referring to, check out the archives, OK?

Dr. Bob

nobody talks about rimming Jan 11, 2006

Dr Frascino, how big is the possibility of becoming HIV+ for rimming? I look for information but nobody talks about it, maybe nobody does it!?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

What do you mean no one talks about rimming?? I just checked the archives of this site and found over 250 entries posted on the subject!! Check them out and you'll soon see that there have been no recorded cases of getting HIV from rimming or getting rimmed, OK? However, I should mention other STDs, such as hepatitis A, intestinal parasites and herpes, can be easily transmitted via rimming.

Stay well.

Dr. Bob



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