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Friend from SEA back again

Apr 20, 2008

Dear Dr Bob,

Thanks for replying my post a few days ago. I have sent my donation through credit card here.

First of all, I would like to apologize for my insensitivity in my previous post. I have not shown respect to people around the world trying to cohabit with this disease. I am sorry.

I am writing again as I am still very worried. You mentioned in your previous reply that my risk is essentially non-existent if the condom did not break and genital rubbing is not a main cause of concern. What I am worried now is when the lady tried to insert my penis into her. I stopped her, but what about that 1-2 sec of contact. I'm not thinking straight now. I'm too full with worries. And somehow I cannot recall that integral part of the situation clearly. What I do know is she did not manage to get it in as I stopped her. What I am very worried is that some contact with her the inside of her vagina may still have occured in that 1-2 sec. If so doc, what are my chances? Will I become the first person ever to get hiv from this 1-2 sec of unsafe sex or has there being cases before?

I am living day to day hanging in there, waiting for time to pass. I really cannot work, eat or sleep properly. Having body aches and sore throat but I think it may be anxiety. I think you are a great man Dr Bob and I will donate again. Thank you so much.

Response from Dr. Frascino


My assessment and advice remain unchanged. (See below.) Will you become the first person to get HIV this way? No, of course not. I guess you'll have to look elsewhere for your 15 minutes of fame! Your level of worry and anxiety continue to be way out of proportion to any degree of real risk. I agree your symptoms are anxiety, not HIV, related.

Thank you for your donations to the Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation ( I continue to send my good-luck karma and remain confident all including you! will turn out "well"

Dr. Bob

Please help me, friend from SEA Apr 15, 2008

Dear Doc,

Please help. I am a male from a country in SEA. 7 days ago I went on a working trip to another SEA country and did something really stupid. I paid for sex. Now I am very very worried about my exposure to HIV. I am getting a lot of conflicting information in my country and I am utterly confused and scared. I cannot sleep, eat and work at all. I'm worrying all the time.

This is what happened. During the act, the lady sat on lap and rubbed her vagina against my penis unprotected. After around 2 mins of rubbing she tried to insert it without protection.I shouted at her and stopped her. Then she put on a condom for me but because of her rash act I was already shaken and the penetration lasted only 2 minutes before I ended it. I took the condom and made sure it was intact. I am very worried sir, what is my risk? Am I going to get hiv from this? I really regret what I did. I feel so stupid.

The very next day I came down with vomiting and diarhea which after going to the doctor diagnosed as stomach infection. Can this be ARS? I have been feeling weak and unwell since and worrying everyday. I don't know how to last through 3 months. I'm so sorry I did this stupid thing. I'm already thinking of how to tell my loved ones I have hiv and what I should do. Suicidal thoughts are creeping in. :_(

I will send a donation to your organisation as I greatly respect your work. All the way from SEA to you. Thanks.

Response from Dr. Frascino


If your lap-dancing lady did not actually manage to get your joystick into her love canal, your HIV-acquisition risk would be essentially nonexistent. Latex-condom protected sex is indeed protected, assuming the condom was used properly and did not fail (break). HIV cannot permeate intact latex. No way. No how.

Symptoms related to HIV ARS (acute retroviral syndrome) manifest themselves in two to three weeks. Consequently, whatever was causing your vomiting and diarrhea the day after your tryst with the Naughty Lady of Shady Lane, one thing is certain: It wasn't caused by HIV! Your worries are unwarranted. Guilt and anxiety may well be the cause for your feeling unwell.

Now, what is all this nonsense about suicidal thoughts??? Snap out of it! You do realize I'm HIV positive, don't you? If I committed suicide in January 1991 when I contracted HIV I wouldn't be here to answer your question! I find those who talk of suicide simply because they fear HIV to be somewhat insensitive to those of us who have been dealing with the challenges of cohabitating with HIV on a daily basis!

If you remain worried about HIV (and clearly you are), get a single rapid HIV test at the three-month mark to put your unwarranted fears permanently to rest. Your result will undoubtedly be negative.

Thank you for your donation to the Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation ( In return I'll send my good-luck karma that your definitive three-month HIV test will be negative. I'm quite confident it will indeed be negative.

As for getting conflicting information about HIV transmission and risk in your country, I'd suggest you peruse the wealth of information about HIV in this forum, in its archives and on the related links. I'm confident you'll find the information consistent, enlightening and reassuring.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

You're the best
Many small cysts or lumps undersiside of penis

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