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What is save??

Apr 18, 2008

Sorry if you have answered this question a million times. I have searched this site for months, but never the answers I need. What is safe sex? I'am married and my husband is negative. I have been hiv positive a little over a year. I went way overboard with protection. Made my husband wear latex gloves to touch me, rubber dams for oral, limited open mouth kissing. Last Dr. appt. Dr. said no rubber gloves needed, no condom for him to receive oral from me? maybe a dam when he gives me oral? I just do NOT want to give this to him, yet I want to have as normal sex as we can? Can you please tell me what is safe? I have a VL of 5500 and CD4 of 721. Thank you so much for your time, this site has been a life saver!

Response from Dr. Frascino


Yes, this question has been asked and answered "a million times." You are part of a magnetic couple (one poz, one neggie). As such you need to decide what level of safety both you and your husband are comfortable with based on what is known scientifically about the risk of transmission from various sexual activities and on what you both agree is safe enough. I too am part of a magnetic couple. What Steve (my negative partner) and I agree is safe enough for us may not be exactly what you and your husband agree to. Communication is key. Here's what I suggest:

1. Both you and your husband should read through the chapters of the archives of this forum that pertain to magnetic couples, HIV transmission (sexual) and HIV prevention (sexual).

2. Review the scientific information about safer sexual methods on the HIV InSite Web site at

3. Talk to your HIV specialist if you have specific questions about safer sex practices.

4. Write back if you have any specific issues not addressed by 1, 2 and 3 above.

Good luck to you both. Remember, opposites attract!

Dr. Bob

Worried and Scared
Worried HIV Case Manager

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