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I am very scared
Apr 6, 2008

Dear Dr. Frascino, please help me. My name is Carlos, Im 26 years old.

I am gay, recently out of the closet, experiencing for the first time my gaylife.

A month ago, I had sex with 4 different men (a guy in different days, in a perdiod of 2 weeks).

With 3 of them, I must admit that they penetrated me. Without a condom. however, there was no ejaculation. In fact, the penetration lasted only for a few seconds, maybe less than 5 minutes, and as I said, there was not ejaculation or semen.

With the fourth guy, there was penetration without a condom, but only to initiate the intercourse, after a few minutes, he got a condom and ejaculated in the condom.

I also must admit that I got some pre-seminal fluids in my mouth from 2 out of the 4 men that I had sex with.

Eventhough I asked to the 4 of them if they have aids, and they said no, I am very scared, cause I got a weird flue about 2 weeks after having sex with those 4 guys.

The flue lasted for about a week. I got pleghm, cough, soaring throat, congestion in my nose, muscles pain in my back.

I am so afraid. I think I got aids or something... I am very scared. Please, can you tell me how big are my chances of having aids? please?

As i said, there was no ejaculation, and with one of them there was ejaculation using a condom. I got some pre seminal fluids in my mouth... tried to spit it out, but since i was having oral sex, there was always some fluids back in my mouth.

I also suffer from slight hemorrhoids, sometimes, they bleed slightly.

But as i said, there was no semen ejaculation. Please... help me... im so scared... stressed... so afraid... please help me... give me an advise... please?

God bless you... and i deeply apreciate your help for me.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Carlos,

You are 26 years old, recently out of the closet and obviously understand the potential risks involved in unsafe sex and yet you choose to let the first four men you had sex with penetrate you without a condom? I just don't understand the logic behind those decisions. You apparently only became worried about this after getting a flu-like illness. Carlos, I'm not sure what "help" I can offer you other than a dose of reality by reiterating the facts. Unprotected sex places you at risk for STDs, including HIV. Unprotected receptive anal sex carries the highest risk of all sexual practices. Those are the facts, but I doubt I'm telling you anything that you didn't already know. Yes it's true, the fact that three of your top studs didn't ejaculate inside you and that the fourth did so while having a condom in place does reduce the overall risk. However, hemorrhoids that sometimes bleed actually increase your overall risk. Carlos, it's important to note that pre-cum (pre-ejaculate) does contain infectious virus and can transmit the infection.

Regarding your symptoms, a flu-like illness can be part of HIV ARS (acute retroviral syndrome). However, the reason you should be concerned is not the flu-like illness you had but rather your repeatedly placing yourself at risk. Symptoms are notoriously unreliable in predicting who is and is not HIV infected. The only way to accurately determine that is to get an HIV-antibody test at the three-month mark. HIV-antibody tests taken prior to three months are not considered to be definitive. At this point Carlos, all you can do is wait for your three-month test and learn form this experience. Latex condoms are essential for penetrative sex. We must assume that all our sex partners could be HIV positive and take all the necessary precautions to prevent HIV transmission each time we choose to have sex. Twenty-five percent of the over-1,000,000 HIV-positive Americans have absolutely no idea they are infected with the virus. That's why you can not rely on what your sex partner might say or believe regarding their HIV status.

Good luck Carlos. Remember, in the future you need to play safe to stay safe!

Dr. Bob



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