Dr Bob - NO-ONE makes me laugh like you!
Mar 5, 2008
Dear Dr Bob Just had to write in and say that NO-ONE makes me laugh like you!! Your answers recently (especially to the chicken bone guy!) have had me laughing out loud. I've had some hiv worries lately, most of them not really legitimate (via body piercing, via getting an hiv blood test....) I am beginning to understand. It is your website that has helped so much with my growing understanding and confidence. Really, people like you are so rare on this planet - I admire your courage, kindness and sense of humour. I hope that YOU stay well, for a very, very long time to come! xx and hugs to you.
Response from Dr. Frascino
It's always comforting to know my admittedly twisted sense of humor is appreciated by at least some of the readers of this forum. As Paul Rudnick, the celebrated playwright and author once wrote: ""Only money, rage, and science can conquer AIDS. But only laughter can make the nightmare bearable."" I try to use all four money, rage, science and humor to battle the pandemic. I'll reprint Chicken-Bone-Guy's story below for our readers' edification (and enjoyment). And, by the way, that new piercing of yours is way sexy. I had no idea it was even medically possible to have such a tender, delicate, private and sensitive area pierced by something so large and unusual. Thanks for sending all the cool digital photos. You are sure to be a hit at the clothing optional beach this summer.
Feeling depressed all the time from HIV thoughts May 24, 2006
Hi I am really sorry to send you this but I have been really worried and after you have read my question you are going to think its silly but I need a scientific reason as well to persuade me.
Anyway I will explain my story One day I realised I threw something important in the bin so I went to retrieve it and in the bin I found a tissue which had mould growing on it. My curiosity took over and I decided to take a look at the tissue and why it was mouldy. It was then I realised that it was my sperm from about 5 days previously. Before I realised this I picked up another tissue which also had my sperm on from about 30minutes before. I looked at them both for quite a long time (about 30minutes) trying to figure out what they were. When I realised I thought I couldn't get HIV because A) it was my own sperm and not someone elses and B) The sperm on the old tissue had little black mould growing on the tissue around where the sperm was meaning that the sperm was probably dead or dying and the bacteria were decomposing it and the other tissue which had about 30minute old sperm didnt matter because it was my own.
I only started to panic when the next day I felt a bit ill and had a poorly stomach for a few hours. It was at this point when I thought there was a chance that I could HIV because I saw an old chicken bone which I had eaten 5 days previously (on the night I masturbated previously mentioned not when I had masturbated 30minutes previously) I suddenly thought what if there was a virus which was similar to HIV on the chicken bone and it reacted with my sperm and made HIV by changing the receptor proteins on the protein wall of the virus within the 5 days inside my bin. I didn't have any cuts on my hands and washed them straight after wards and didn't rub my eyes but I smelt something funny (probably the decaying chicken bone) and thought it could have become air borne and I inhaled the virus etc. I have been thinking about it constantly and every time I think I find some way of reducing the chance of transmission e.g. the chicken had been previously cooked, left for about 4 hours (because I couldnt be bothered to eat it) and then I boiled it with hot water before eating hence reduced the chance of any virus being on it but then I thought what if the virus was hiding inside the chickens bone marrow and leaked out when it was in the bin. I think I only thought of this because I read about SIV (from monkeys) and how that passed onto humans and how retroviruses mutate very often.
Do you think that it is possible that if there was a chicken HIV and it was on the chicken, could it have some how formed receptors to the t cells in the sperm within the 5 days and become airborne etc and then infected me? Do you know the science behind viruses and how they change protein receptors? If so could you include that knowledge in your explanation because I am a scientific type person who likes to see what happens etc.
Also how long does it take for a t cell to die (hence because if the t cell died the virus would have died with it)
I know its a long shot but am I at risk? NB I have checked the other forums and they are all about sex and the normal ways of getting it.
Response from Dr. Frascino:
OK, let me get this straight. You are wondering if HIV could hide inside a chicken bone marrow (to avoid being deactivated when you boiled it in hot water four hours after you cooked it, because you "couldn't be bothered to eat it" the first time) and then leak out while it spent five days in your trash bin, mixing with your five-day-old spunked Kleenex and "somehow formed receptors to the T-cells in the sperm within 5 days and then become airborne" thereby infecting you as you examined your 5 day old moldy jizz. Have I got that right?
And just out of curiosity, what exactly is it that makes you think you are a "scientific type person???"
Dude, congratulations! You win the award for the most whacked-out question of the week. Where should we send your prize? It's a handy-dandy, fashion-forward straightjacket that you can wear on your way to your padded cell. Considering the number of certified loony-tunes who write to me on a constant basis, I'm sure you realize just how prestigious your award is. Well done sir! Well done. Why not celebrate with a five-day-old bucket of KFC?
5 day old KFC boy reply May 26, 2006
So in other words the answer is no. Do chickens not get a version of HIV like a cat getting FIV or a monkey getting SIV etc? Cheers for the reply and I would gratefully take the straight jacket!
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hi Five-Day-Old KFC Boy,
Correctomundo! The answer is a resounding no!
HIV stands for HUMAN immunodeficiency virus. It is different form SIV and very, very different form feline viruses. Chickens? Nope. There is no CIV. Besides, haven't chickens got enough to worry about with avian flu???
The switch form SIV in chimps in Africa to HIV in humans took many years and a unique set of circumstances. You'll be reading a lot about that very soon, as there was a scientific study that came out today confirming the origin of AIDS in chimps. Did you know the first documented human case dates back to 1959?!? At any rate, there is absolutely no way your trash bin, a twice-cooked chicken and some moldy baby batter on a Kleenex is going to produce an inhalable HIV! No frickin' way, OK?
We've been closely monitoring exactly how HIV is and is not transmitted for the past 25 years. You can read all about it in the archives of this forum and on related links.
As for the science behind changes in protein receptors, trust me; you don't want me to explain that to you. It would be more painful than listening to Bush read the collected works of Shakespeare out loud.
At any rate, I just wanted to reassure you that you are at no risk whatsoever from your chicken trash and moldy spunk, OK?
Now, regarding the straightjacket, did you want that in "Hannibal Lecter" lavender, "Charles Manson" maroon, "Ted Bundy" burgundy or "George W" white???
Stay well. Dr. Bob
We need more people like you Feb 23, 2008
Hi Just wanted to say thank you for putting up with my posts.
I believe most people here feel the same way and are thankful that people like you exist. You must have very little time in the day (I think I read your a lecturer) but yet you still choose to help people by answering the emails. Anywho, cheers for all your hardwork, everyone really appreciates it!
From crazy, straight-jacket guy =)
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hi Crazy-Straightjacket Guy,
I'm not exactly sure which crazy-straightjacket guy you are (yes, there have been several), but welcome back to the forum and thanks for your thanks.
I'll repost your original posts below.
Be well. Stay well.
Final question from crazy straight jacket guy Feb 27, 2008
Hi Really, really sorry to bother you but this should be my last time. I was just wondering if there is anything which would affect a test result at 3 months. Just had second thoughts when you said that fruits and vegtables had no effect (thought you were lieing to stop me worrying about it haha). Provided I havent got some sort of disease which seriously lowers my immune system (which would be another problem entirely!) then the 3 month test should be ok right? PS is there anything you cant do? I looked at your profile more carefully...pianist, president, founder of the RJF foundation, award winner, lecturer and I am sure you responded to someone in spanish....your one hell of a guy! You must have a ridiculous IQ!
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hey Crazy Straightjacket Guy,
You actually want me to give you a list of all the things that might conceivably affect a three-month test result??? That, in turn, would then give you new things to perseverate on and worry about, even though the chance of any of those things happening specifically to you would be so remote as to be nonexistent. No way, dude. I'm not going to do that, as it would only lead to lots more questions being fired back in my direction and I already have way more than I can handle. Thank you very much. (However, if you are really curious, you can dig this information out of the previously posted archives.)
Your three-month test will be definitive, OK?
As for my I.Q., well I'm smart enough not to give you more unnecessary stuff to worry about that has absolutely no bearing on your particular situation. But a "ridiculous I.Q.," nah. Well sure, maybe compared to Dubya's I.Q. But then again that's setting the bar so low that even a demented armadillo would score well by comparison.
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