Greetings and salutations to Herr Uber Doktor! I recieved a negative hiv test at the 9 week mark. I will go back at 13 weeks. Can I start practing my woo-hoo's??? I have rented every porn DVD ever made about nurses. It has really helped me spend the time in a most constructive manner!

Hi,

Yep! I'm quite confident your three-month result will allow you to WOO-HOO like a screaming banshee in heat. Oh and by the way, the "Porn on the Cob" DVD rentals shop says the copy of "Naughty Head-Nurse: The Nightshift" is overdue.

(I'll repost your story for our readers below.)

Dr. Bob

Hottie RN... Jan 2, 2008

Happy New Year! I work in healthcare. I had 3 episodes of unprotected vaginal intercourse with a co-worker "Hottie RN." We discussed hiv and std prior to our encounter. She claims to be negative and in a long term committed relationship. I now find out she had another guy I was unaware of. My bad for not using condoms. What is my risk? What to do?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

So Nurse Goodbody is "in a long-term committed relationship" and yet she's ready to jump your bones and do the horizontal mattress mambo on the nearest hospital bed without protection??? And you're surprised she's less than honest about her "nightly rounds"??? Hmm . . . yep, your bad for not using both condoms and common sense (or should we combine those into "condom sense"???). What's your risk? Well any unprotected sexual encounter puts you at risk for STDs, including HIV. What should you do?

1. Stop being so gullible.

2. Always use condoms for penetrative sex, even if she to slap a lie detector on her booty.

3. Get HIV tested at the three-month mark. HIV-antibody tests taken prior to three months are not considered to be definitive.

4. Rent or Netflix "Naughty Nurses Gone Wild" so you'll remember never to get yourself in this predicament again.

Good luck!

Dr. Bob

Hottie RN update...Jan 24, 2008

Hi Doc. I've become obssesed I've gotten Hiv from Hottie RN. My skin itches all over:neck,back,shoulders,legs,toes. The rash is raised and somewhat like hives(Aids Rash?) I wake at night with a thin film of sweat on my chest,underarms and groin(night sweats?) I'm on Ativan but I feel my dosage needs to be increased. How can I tell my wife and 6 year old that I cheated and now have Hiv? It's just a nightmare. I hope I can hold 3 more weeks for a 6 week test. I know 13 weeks is conclusive but maybe that this might help me. What can I do?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Your "symptoms" are not worrisome for or suggestive of HIV ARS (acute retroviral syndrome). Rather they are quite classic for anxiety and guilt.

My advice is quite straightforward:

1. Level with your wife. Not only is it the best way to confront your guilt; it's also the right thing to do.

2. Get a rapid HIV test (or ELISA) at the three-month mark.

3. If you need help with your anxiety during the window period, ask your doctor for a referral for counseling. You can also check to see if your Ativan dosage needs to be adjusted.

4. Realize that "nightmares" are just bad dreams and dreams are not real. The odds remain very much in your favor that you did not contract HIV from Nurse Good-body. I'll reprint your original post below. That advice still stands as well.

Good luck!

Dr. Bob