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Broken Leg and a Broken Condom
Jan 20, 2008

Dr. Frascino,

I just wanted to thank you for all your advise and professionalism in this forum. Before finding this I had been worrying myself sick. I broke my leg a month ago, but that is not all I broke. I went to get a massage and ended up having protected intercourse with the girl last night and the condom broke during the last minute or two of intercourse. Did not see until I pulled out. I freaked out, grabbed a bottle of alcohol and dumped it on myself. She freaked out and ran to wash. I suppose this is proof that a broken leg does not always bring good luck. Any way, we sat down and talked about it. I was terrified of getting a disease, she was terrified of getting pregnant. I asked why she was not worried about HIV or another disease. She told me she was but since I was freaking so much I am probably rather safe, have not been at serious risk before, she reasoned which is right. She was much more worried about getting pregnant. She said that she had an HIV test in December which was negative.

Despite all this, my anxiety multiplied during the night. I could not sleep, I was sweeting. I spent much of the day looking at my penis looking for red areas of skin, reading about PEP and symptoms. Its frightening how you can convince yourself that you have a disease by fear.

Anyway, I found this site and read through the forum. It helped immensely doctor. Thank you so much. I did put myself at risk, that is for sure. But its certainly not time to write my obit as the odds are in my favor. There is a 5 in 10,000 chance of contracting HIV from a positive individual. The girl I was with had a negative test a month ago but could still be in her window period I understand, this certainly reduces the risk. At worse she was of unknown status which still reduces the risk.

Reading all of your advice on this forum and other peoples posts has calmed me down considerably. My mind is not free of worry, but I will be able to sleep at night until I take a test at the three month mark.

Now what fills me with the most dread is the thought of sitting down and telling my wife. I know you will say it the right thing to do, but the risk of her leaving me for this really stupid act is far greater than the risk of getting HIV. I love her and can not bare to think about life without her or our daughter. At very least I will be abstaining for three months. It will be difficult to explain that without telling her. Its a shame that you always seem to realize how stupid you were in retrospect.

Sorry for writing so much. There is actually a great deal of relief that comes from being able to share. The feeling of being alone one experiences in this situation is almost as bad as the fear of contracting HIV.

In any case, thank you so much again for answering all these questions in this forum. Reading through this forum has calmed me down tremendously and allowed me to sleep again.

As to the question of which is worse, a broken leg or a broken condom. I would take a broken leg any day. The pain of a broken leg is bad, but the worrying from a broken condom is far worse. Give me a broken leg any day over a broken condom.

Thank you again Doctor.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

I'm delighted you found the information here enlightening and reassuring. I agree the odds are very much on your side for not having contracted HIV from this indiscretion. You are also correct that I am going to advise you to level with your wife. Strong relationships are built on trust and trust is built by being honest, even when being so is difficult. You note: "There is actually a great deal of relief that comes from being able to share. The feeling of being alone one experiences in this situation is almost as bad as the fear of contracting HIV." I agree and that's exactly why I encourage you to talk to your wife. She is your life partner and therefore the best person to help you through this difficult period. Telling her not only will help you confront your guilt and anxiety, it's also the right thing to do. If your relationship is fundamentally intact, it will not only survive this challenge, it may well be strengthened by it. The ultimate decision to tell or not to tell is up to you. Reading through the archives will provide you with testimonials from other gents in situations similar to yours. You'll soon see those who leveled with their partners were unanimously glad they did. Why not show your wife this post and my response. Your love for her clearly comes through in your comments, as does the fact that you certainly have learned a valuable less from this indiscretion.

Good luck!

Dr. Bob



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