Friends & safe sex
Jan 11, 2008
Hello Dr Bob,
After years of topping I decided I wanted to throw my hat into the bottom ring.
I got together with a man who was a friend of mine and we started to play.
I know this guy doesn't have a lot of sex partners and he states his last test was negative. However safe sex was always on my mind and I realize that you shouldn't believe everything you hear.
Most of the activity was rimming, frottage and him rubbing his penis between my thighs and butt cheeks.
As a top myself I know that sometimes a top likes to tease the bottom and "knock on the door" a couple of times before actually entering. I do it myself. But something wasn't quite right. I could tell he was getting excited cause the precum was starting to flow. I realized what he was about to do. He wanted to penetrate me without a condom. I stopped him immediately. He never actually entered me but the area around anus did have some saliva and precum down there.
Feeling that I needed to turn down the temperatue I told him that we should finish by masturbating. (Which we both did)
My questions are: 1. He did some fingering on me while I masturbated. (About a quarter to half an inch) Would this along with his saliva and some precum be an issue? I'm thinking it could be.
2. Secondly I learned that all tops don't think a like when it comes to safe sex. When I cooled things off and said we should masturbate a bit I also asked about him putting on a condom so we could continue and really get down to business. He said we should just finish with masturbation. So we did. When it was over and I asked about why he didn't want to penetrate me he actually said he wasn't planning on using a condom. I was shocked. This lead me to point number 3.
3. Sex with friends may actually lower one's sense of safety because we want to trust them more. But I learned people aren't always what they seem. Now I have a friendship on the rocks and I tend to blame myself.
So just to reiterate, should I get tested?
Response from Dr. Frascino
1. Your HIV-acquisition risk is extremely remote; however, if you're worried, get a single rapid HIV test at the three-month mark.
2. You're absolutely correct: Not all tops think alike! It's always best to set the ground rules before hitting the sheets!
3. Friend, casual hookup or future ex-boyfriend, the safer sex rules must always apply!
Good luck! Stay safe. Stay well.
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