Leveled with my wife...still a bit anxious
Jan 8, 2008
Hi Dr. Bob, The purpose of this question is two-fold: one, to ask your opinion; and two, to encourage the many other men reading this site to level with their wives about their sexual behavior.
So first, a brief snapshot of the only incidents since my last negative HIV test that are are causing me stress: two occassions of protected vaginal sex with CSW's, two occassions of unprotected insertive oral sex with a man (the same man). Realizing that insertive oral carries a very low risk and protected vaginal is indeed protected, I suspect there's no real reason for concern or HIV testing, correct?
Secondly, yesterday I leveled with my wife about my life-long struggles with sex addiction. I put faith in her that she would understand and support me to get the help I need. She did not disappoint me. I suspect that many men whose posts I read that sound remarkably like my circumstances would find the same level of understanding and support from their wives. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I believe it set me on the path toward a healthy marriage.
Now, my last point deals with my on-going anxiety about HIV. I can't help but think of all the what-if scenarios that could make "protected sex" actually unsafe.
I know you're not a counselor, but if there's anything you can offer that might put me at ease, it would be much appreciated.
Thanks for your wonderful work, Doc...you are a Godsend.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hi Recovering WW,
1. Your HIV-risk assessment is correct: Protected is protected (assuming the latex condom was used properly and did not fail) and insertive oral carries only a minimal risk for HIV acquisition.
2. BRAVO on leveling with your wife! Honesty is never a wrong decision.
3. Protected sex can be unsafe for a variety of reasons for instance, using the wrong kind of condom (lambskin or natural condoms do not protect against HIV) or using the condom improperly (you'd be amazed how many ways people have screwed up using such a simple device while screwing!). If you are at all worried, why not just get a rapid test three months after your last potential screw-up or screwing. That will put your unwarranted worries and what-iffing permanently to rest.
Good luck. Stay safe. Stay well.
Get Email Notifications When This Forum Updates or Subscribe With RSS
- How Long Does Hiv Live On Surfaces?
- How Long After Exposure Can A Hepatitis C Test Be Positive?
- Will My Body Carry The Hpv Virus Forever?
- Will Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Blistering?
- What To Do When Prescriptions Do Not Work For Bacterial Vaginosis?
- Effects Of Touching Genital Warts With A Finger
This forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not rendering medical, mental health, legal or other professional advice or services. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, mental health, legal or other problem that requires advice, consult your own caregiver, attorney or other qualified professional.
Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither TheBody.com nor any advertiser is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.