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Spicing things up
Jan 5, 2008

Hello, I am negative and my boyfriend of almost two years is positive. I love him dearly and would do anything for him. Lately, our sex life, or lack thereof, seems to be getting a little boring. It seems like we have been relegated to mutual masturbation which can be fun, but gets old when it's all you do. He is afraid that if we make out too much or if I give him a blowjob that I will become infected. We have been unable to have anal sex lately due to what he believes is an anal fissure, although he doesn't have any bleeding. I was wondering if it would be risky for me to finger him (using lube of course) so that he can have some stimulation down there? Also, are there any other resources out there that can aid a neg/pos couple in the love making area?

Thanks so much for your help and best wishes for a healthy 2008!!!

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Negotiating sex within a magnetic coupling (one poz, one neggie) can be challenging. Perhaps the fact you ". . . would do anything for him" is what's worrying him. He may feel the full responsibility for keeping you safe and negative. Communication is key. I would suggest you and your virally enhanced lover-boy read through the information in the chapter on "magnetic couples" in the archives of this forum. Couples counseling might also help if communication around this issue is a problem. (Pick a gay or gay-friendly, HIV-knowledgeable therapist. Your HIV specialist should be able to give you a good referral.)

From personal experience I can attest to the fact that magnetic couples don't have to settle for boring sex! I've been in a magnetic relationship with Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) for 14 years. Our relationship continues to be the stuff dreams are made of. That includes plenty of toe-curling, wake-the-neighbors, own-name-forgetting sex. We equally share the responsibility of preserving his negative status. That allows us both to equally enjoy our love making as well. Remember, communication is key.

Good luck to you and your Mr. Right.

Dr. Bob



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