Advertisement
The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol
   
Ask the Experts About

Safe Sex and HIV PreventionSafe Sex and HIV Prevention
           
Rollover images to visit our other forums!
Recent AnswersAsk a Question
  
  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary


My mind talks but my heart won't listen
Dec 16, 2007

I am from Spain (sorry for some misspellings). I am recently HIV+, and I am freaked out about to infect my boyfriend. He is aware that I am Hiv+ but he insist to give me a blowjob without condom. We are a couple since more than 3 years and we are in love, in fact we are going to get married the next year. We enjoy our sex life but every time we are naked the only thing I have in my mind is HIV.

My mind tells me that we have to end our relation. If we continue this way, we will be infected too. No condoms, no sex, no relationship!

But my heart wont listen...I want to be with him forever. What should I do? There is something to lower down the risk in oral sex other than condoms?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

You are now part of a magnetic couple (one poz and one negative). Both you and your boyfriend should read through the information in the archives of this forum in the chapters, "Magnetic Couples" and "Sexual Transmission." Communication is the key to making any relationship work and it's particularly important for magnetic couples. Both you and your boyfriend need to fully understand what is known about HIV-transmission risk related to various sexual practices. You then need to establish sexual rituals that you both agree are within range of acceptable risk, based on what is know scientifically and on what both of you are conformable with. Sex is no fun for you if you are constantly worried about infecting your partner. Magnetic relationships can be very successful, which includes being very sexually fulfilling. I speak form personal experience! There is no reason to end your relationship or give up toe-curling, own-name-forgetting, wake-the-neighbors sex (again, I'm speaking from personal experience) just because you are a serodiscordant couple. It would be a shame to let Mr. Right get away for all the wrong reasons! Not only should your "mind talk" and your "heart listen," but the heart and mind of your partner need to be part of the discussion as well. Some magnetic couples have decided that unprotected oral sex poses such a low transmission risk they consider it acceptable. Other magnetic couples find even this low risk unacceptable. We know that when the poz partner's HIV plasma viral load is undetectable, there is less chance of transmitting the virus. Therefore some magnetic couples opt for starting HAART therapy sooner rather than later to lower potential transmission risks. Some couples have enrolled in clinical trials of PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis), whereby the negative partner takes prophylactic anti-HIV medications. As you can see there are a number of things for you to discuss with Mr. Happily-Ever-After. Get the discussion started and begin making those wedding plans as well, OK?

Good luck to you both.

Dr. Bob



Previous
Should I put my Christmas turkey in the freezer or is my goose cooked?
Next
How long after infection do you develop symptoms

  
  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary

 Get Email Notifications When This Forum Updates or Subscribe With RSS


 
Advertisement



Q&A TERMS OF USE

This forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not rendering medical, mental health, legal or other professional advice or services. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, mental health, legal or other problem that requires advice, consult your own caregiver, attorney or other qualified professional.

Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither TheBody.com nor any advertiser is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.

Review our complete terms of use and copyright notice.

Powered by ExpertViewpoint

Advertisement