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My mind talks but my heart won't listen

Dec 16, 2007

I am from Spain (sorry for some misspellings). I am recently HIV+, and I am freaked out about to infect my boyfriend. He is aware that I am Hiv+ but he insist to give me a blowjob without condom. We are a couple since more than 3 years and we are in love, in fact we are going to get married the next year. We enjoy our sex life but every time we are naked the only thing I have in my mind is HIV.

My mind tells me that we have to end our relation. If we continue this way, we will be infected too. No condoms, no sex, no relationship!

But my heart wont listen...I want to be with him forever. What should I do? There is something to lower down the risk in oral sex other than condoms?

Response from Dr. Frascino


You are now part of a magnetic couple (one poz and one negative). Both you and your boyfriend should read through the information in the archives of this forum in the chapters, "Magnetic Couples" and "Sexual Transmission." Communication is the key to making any relationship work and it's particularly important for magnetic couples. Both you and your boyfriend need to fully understand what is known about HIV-transmission risk related to various sexual practices. You then need to establish sexual rituals that you both agree are within range of acceptable risk, based on what is know scientifically and on what both of you are conformable with. Sex is no fun for you if you are constantly worried about infecting your partner. Magnetic relationships can be very successful, which includes being very sexually fulfilling. I speak form personal experience! There is no reason to end your relationship or give up toe-curling, own-name-forgetting, wake-the-neighbors sex (again, I'm speaking from personal experience) just because you are a serodiscordant couple. It would be a shame to let Mr. Right get away for all the wrong reasons! Not only should your "mind talk" and your "heart listen," but the heart and mind of your partner need to be part of the discussion as well. Some magnetic couples have decided that unprotected oral sex poses such a low transmission risk they consider it acceptable. Other magnetic couples find even this low risk unacceptable. We know that when the poz partner's HIV plasma viral load is undetectable, there is less chance of transmitting the virus. Therefore some magnetic couples opt for starting HAART therapy sooner rather than later to lower potential transmission risks. Some couples have enrolled in clinical trials of PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis), whereby the negative partner takes prophylactic anti-HIV medications. As you can see there are a number of things for you to discuss with Mr. Happily-Ever-After. Get the discussion started and begin making those wedding plans as well, OK?

Good luck to you both.

Dr. Bob

Should I put my Christmas turkey in the freezer or is my goose cooked?
How long after infection do you develop symptoms

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