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Should I put my Christmas turkey in the freezer or is my goose cooked?

Dec 16, 2007

So the condom breaks. They do from time to time and I am sure many will break during the festive season ahead of us. Its an occupational hazard for any person that practices 'safe' sex (if such an act exists)Your forum, good Doctor Bob,is brilliant; a lifesaver to many, and contains numerous stories of condom disaster with the ensuing human woe, anxiety and depression that comes with these tales. Your statistics are always a great solace and consolation to all those out there who have had a condom break and are fearful of the very worst consequences of their misfortune. But seriously Doc, what is the best advice to those guys who experience a condom break and expose their turkey to all of those potential vaginal or anal bacteria and virus's? One guy in your forum suggested a good wash followed by urination had kept him STI free for a number of years; you yourelf say that the HIV virus cannot survive for long in the open air, so should I hang my turkey out of the window if it gets exposed? would it be better to put it in the fridge to freeze any unwelcome guests that may have become attached to me? or what about alcohol? after examining patients doctors wash their hands in alcohol to kill off the germs. Should I give my turkey a shot of vodka? Or are all of these post exposure clean ups a waste of time, doc? I'd like to know what you think doc because Christmas is coming; my turkey has got mistletoe around its neck and I am hoping the Fairy Princess is going to kiss it (and more). Of course I will wear a condom, but if it breaks and she is not a Fairy Princess but a Wicked Witch instead, can I give my turkey a better chance by washing, airing, freezing and sterilising it? or is my goose cooked? Keep up the good work Doc.Have a great Christmas and Good Health to you in the New Year.

Response from Dr. Frascino


Let's clear up a few points first:

1. Condoms rarely fail when used properly with adequate (plentiful) amounts of water-based lube. Remember, "lubrication is your friend."

2. Although there may not be "safe" sex, certain "safer" sex is a reality we should all be very comfortable using.

3. If a condom breaking is indeed an "occupational hazard," then we all know you are part of the oldest profession known to humankind!

So what should you do if your protective rubber suit springs a leak while in action? First pull out to minimize the potential exposure. As for urinating and washing Mr. Happy, we don't have any evidence this is protective or helpful. In fact, there is some evidence washing immediately may actually increase HIV-transmission risk! As for hanging your tallywhacker out the window (thereby giving new meaning to the term "snowballs") or running him through either the Maytag or the autoclave sterilizer (OUCHAMAGOUCHA), no, these would not be good ideas. If you did have a significant confirmed HIV exposure, a course of nPEP (nonoccupational post-exposure prophylaxis) could be considered. However, to be maximally effective, it should be started as soon as possible and no later than 72 hours after the exposure. Ultimately what needs to be done is to get an HIV test at the three-month mark.

Dr. Bob

false negatives
My mind talks but my heart won't listen

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