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HIV- and POSITIVELY in love!
Dec 2, 2007

My fiance is HIV1+ and I am HIV- and periodiclly confirm my status. HE DOES NOT KNOW that I KNOW HE IS infected, but I research (and snoop and know FOR SURE) I even know that his HIV1 RNA is detected and @ 48 copies/ml (whatever that means) and know what treatments he's been on. I dont want to make him feel uncomfortable and change the atmosphere in our relationship so until he is ready, I will keep it to myself since we have ALWAYS and mutually agree to CONTINUE to practice the safest sex, condoms. He has never kissed me (open mouth) and I barly get a peck. I am not HIVphobic and I want to get more intimate with my man but HE WONT LET ME! Is he paranoid or WHAT....should I be? Dont get me wrong I value and charish "my status" but I've just always assumed that as long as we've got a "trojan" between us we can both live a healthy and fun "lifestlye" (get it)? We talk about having babies some day, so we'll eventually HAVE TO talk about "THE TRUTH", but until then what are my options/ chances/ risk/ etc.. of remaing a healthy women and conceiving a healthy child with him? And btw: do you have any tips on helping me help him open up? or at least getting a real kiss out of him (or am I better off without the damm tounge! it's not Russian rullet right??) Sincerely, HIV- and POSITIVELY in love

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello HIV- and Positively in Love,

He's your fiancé and still hasn't disclosed his HIV status to you???? And you "research and snoop" and know for sure he's HIV positive, has an HIV RNA of "48" copies/ml and what treatments he's been on. Hmm . . . it would seem to me your relationship is experiencing some communication problems! Particularly since you are engaged to be married, one would expect more openness and honestly and less "research". To make matters even stranger, you've never had a decent kiss (". . . I barely get a peck.") and you've both talked about having babies someday, but have never discussed the proverbial 800-pound gorilla in the room (HIV)???

Dearie, I'd say it's time to put the breaks on the marriage plans and begin having some heart-to-heart discussions with your secretive poz-partner. Sure, a properly utilized layer of latex will significantly reduce any HIV-transmission risk from penetrative sex, but there are many other issues magnetic couples need to face if their relationship is going to survive, let alone thrive! I'd suggest you begin by reviewing the information in the archives of this forum and on its related links pertaining to magnetic couples, HIV transmission and safer sexual techniques.

Good luck to you both. Between the secrecy and snooping, I fear you are going to need it!

Dr. Bob



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