Hi Dr. Bob, I am an HIV+ 27 year old male that recently entered into a relationship with an HIV- man. We had oral sex not too long ago and while I am undetectable, high cell counts, and otherwise healthy and regimented towards my medicines (Atripla), I want to put his mind at ease as to the risk of our behavior. Have I done a horrible thing by both giving and receiving oral sex from him?

Hi,

The HIV-transmission risk associated with oral sex is quite low, but not completely nonexistent. You can review this information in detail in the archives. We have a whole sections devoted to "oral sex" and "HIV transmission." Having an undetectable viral load decreases HIV-transmission risk, but doesn't completely eliminate it.

So did you do a horrible thing? Well, the HIV-transmission risk as I mentioned above is quite low; however, the bigger question here might relate to trust. Did you disclose your HIV-positive status before hitting the sheets with your new stud muffin? Communication is key in magnetic relationships. I speak from experience, as I've been in just such a relationship for the past 15 (wonderful) years. Even though you might be comfortable with the low level of HIV-transmission risk associated with oral sex, your new boy toy may not. I would suggest you both take a read through the information on "magnetic couples" in the archives of this forum. You need to establish sexual rituals you both agree are "safe enough" based on what's known scientifically about potential for HIV transmission with various sexual activities and also on your individual comfort levels.

Again, from personal experience, I can assure you magnetic couples can have extremely satisfying, furniture-moving, neighbor-waking, toe-curling, passionate sex while still remaining safe.

Good luck. Be well.

Dr. Bob