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Terrified after anonymous hook up
Nov 12, 2007

Hello Dr. Bob,

Firstly, thank all the work that you and your team do - it's really admirable and I'll be making a donation momentarily.

My situation: I am absolutely terrified that I've put myself (and my wife) in danger of HIV/STDs as a result of a drunken, anonymous hook up with a guy I met(was my first time with another man). What happened was that we jerked each other off (didn't come on each other's hands, but maybe had some precum on them), played with each other's asses, and rubbed our cocks between each other's buttcheeks; I also licked the bottom of his balls.

No pentration occured, but I'm still worried that somehow we might have exchanged fluids.

Does this experience, which I now wish never happened, warrant an HIV test? I can't avoid sex with my wife, but at the same time cannot live with the thought of putting her in any danger.

Any advice you could offer would be incredibly appreciated, since I'm going mad with confusion and guilt.

Thanks, Doc.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi Terrified after Anonymous Hookup,

There are two main issues here. I'll address the HIV-transmission-risk issue first. Mutual masturbation, butt play without penetration, frottage and ball licking are not considered to be HIV-transmission risks. Your concerns are unwarranted. However, if you are a worrier and clearly you are I would suggest you get a single HIV test at the three-month mark to put these residual worries completely to rest.

The next issue is sexual orientation. This may well turn out to be a more difficult issue for you to confront. I would suggest you seek psychological counseling and possibly couples counseling with your wife to confront and explore this issue.

My advice for both issues is that you level with your wife. Together you may decide to use latex condoms until you are both reassured of your negative HIV status. The best (and only) way to confront and deal with your ". . . going mad with confusion and guilt" is to address both of your issues! I know this won't be easy, but your future sanity (and happiness) depends on it.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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