Failed Suicide/Negative or Positive? If U Answer One, Answer Me PLEASE!
Aug 17, 2007
Sexual Exposure to Very Suspect Blood in UAE (Dr's Tell Me Low to Non-Existant Risk) Because it Was Dried out, But I Believe Because It Was In Contact with Urethral Membrane for Several Hours, and foreskin. Next Day I Saw Blood on Penis.
Felt Malaise, Mild Flu Like Symptoms, Mainly Very Dry Cough, Keeping Me up.
Felt Symptoms Going Except Cough, Tonsils Quite Red, Cough Still There, Given Pholcodine
Had to Go to a Funeral, Very Upset and Stressed and Obviously Stressed Regarding Blood Exposure.
Sore Throat and Cough Back, Given Amoxicillin for a Week. No Difference.
Felt ill, Temperature, Malaise, but Cough Going Slowly.
Tonsils Still Enlarged, Dry Cough Recoccuring, But Feeling a Bit Better.
3 May, Cough Nearly Gone, Tonsils Red and Inflamed, but Not Infected bacterially.
11th May Went to Rome, Italy, Great Time, Felt Fine Except for Low Mood (Relationship Issues) and Dry Throat.
14th May Got Coryza Symptoms, in Italy, Runny Nose, Sneezing, So Didnt Worry, Until Sharp Pain in Collar Bone Lymph Nodes. Tonsils Up again, Cough Back, Pharyngitis.
16th May Given Penicillin in UK for 1 week.
22nd May More Pain in Glands in Collar, HIV Anxiety and Depression Setting in. Tonsils Stil Look Red, but Cough Going.
25th May Transient Oral Purple Spots, Like pinprick Bleeds on Buccal Mucosa. Suffer Acute Fatigue, But Guessing due to Anxiety.
1st June Nearly Collapse with Fatigue at Work, Depression, Malaise, Cervical Gland Gets Very Big, NEVER had Gland Swollen Before This. Anxiety Increases, Go to See HIV specialist
2nd June Specialist Does Rapid Test, 11 Week Test, Negative, Say i'm Just Worrying for Nothing, Agree With Gland Swelling, Suggests Haemophilus, Given Doxycycline, Anti-inflamatories, Felt Better except for Hurting Nodes.
13th June Not Feeling Better, On/Off Node Pain, Oral spots Worrying Me, Read theBody, Worry About Window Periods. Go to Another HIV Specialist. Rapid Test at 13 weeks, Negative and DNA PCR, Negative, 3 days Later. Felt Safe. Dr Assures Me, 3 month Trumps Symptoms. I'm Being Irrational and Obsessive, I Really Want to Agree.
18th June Decide to Agree with Dr's, but Feel Terrible, go To GP to Look for Other Causes, Does ESR/CBC/WBC/Mono/Haemophilus Swab All Negative and OK. Gland Hurts again. Oral Blood Spot goes, Dry Mouth, Been 100 Days Now, Felt Fed up, Go to Canada for Relaxation.
24 June, 4 More Purple Spots in Mouth, Go to Dentist, He Said if it its Transient, Don't Worry See Dr!
27th June I'm Trying Best to Agree with 4 Dr's Including yourself, I'm Irrational, It's 3.5months, Do UK equivalent of Orasure, Negative. Guessing Hey All the Dr's are Right!!!!!!!
4th July 2 Patches of Tiny Whit Spots Appear in Cheeks, Tonsils STILL red, Mouth Ulcer, EXTREME fatigue and Gums Start Discolouring, NOT linear Red Band, but More Like Black/Brown. Lose Hearing in One Ear!!!!!!! But No High Temperature, Rhinitis etc, Just Gland Pain, Oral Legions/ Sheer Fatigue and Bad Gums.
4 Weeks of HELL ........Extreme Fatigue, Depression, Drank Far too Much Alcohol, Because Obviously This is It. Another gland Swells up in Armpit and Neck Ones too, Coinciding With Fatigue. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY. Another Oral Ulcer and Spot Appears.
23rd July Feelings of Neuropathy Mild Morning Sweat and Nausea, But I'm Guessing Anxiety Rather Than HIV. See Small Spots on Trunk, but they Dont Look like ARS, Plus Timings Wrong. All the Dr's Can't Be Wrong.
1st August Due to Depression/Symptoms etc and Everyone Thinking I'm Nuts, Decide Suicide is the only Option. Sorry, But It Was Extremely Calculated. Have a Car Accident. By Sheer Miracle I survive 150mph Crash, with only a small Spinal Fracture. Im Walking Within 4 days. I am Ashamed to have Survived, Had to Tell Close Relatives, The Main Reason, I Must Have HIV, and I May Infect Someone I was in Love with in the Future, Loneliness if Indeed I am Positive, and after 4 weeks of DEBILITATING fatigue, sleeping 15 Hours a day, It Was an Option For Me. Honestly Didnt Want to Be a Burden, Family Think I was Selfish, But they Dont Understand, This was not a Cry for Help, I thought I was Doing the Honorable Thing. Obviously, I Know You Feelings on the Subject, If you Do Reply, Well Yep You Would'nt be There to Reply.
8th August Family Take me to Original Hiv Specialist, Because They Are Worried i'll do Something Silly, He Refused Because He Said the White Patches and Glands are due to Some Other Virus, Refused to Test, and Stuck By Original 3 month Result. I really Trust and Respect this guy, So I feel Lost. Iv Never Been Ill, Now It Cant All Be Coincidence? He Even Said, do I hear Voices? OMG, Well I cant blame him, after What I did, But I'm Definately not Schizo, I Just want an Answer.
10th August Did a Oral Swab, 5 Months 1 week, Came back NEGATIVE, What......HELLO, I just Staked my Effin Life on the Fact I am Positive. Gums still Brown/Red, Tried Chlorhexidine, Get Black Hairy Tongue, Typical.
13th August Back to Hospital, Due to Continued Fatigue, Sleeping in day and all night, and Review. They Did usual ESR/lymph/wbc/Heam, etc All Normal. Now I Know HIV Cant Show on these. But Gp Says It Would Have, So They Wont Do PCR/CD4, At least It would Make me Happier, But they Want to Give Me Antidepressants, Said its Non-Specific Virus, So I WILL NEVER GET AN ANSWER!! But I already Feel Fatigue, I dont Want to be Drugged up, Plus, I Don't Feel Depressed. Since the Accident, the Depression and Fatigue has Got Better. I am Worried I may be in Clinical Latency, I dont want PCP/AIDS in 3-5 years Time, Thats Why I want to Know.
They Are Refering me to Another Dr, Next Week. To See if they Can Find the Cause. I am Confused...By 5 months Something Should Show up. Ok its Not 6 months. I KNOW symptoms arnt reliable, Test trump... But Paranoia Has Set in, Re: Tests, Strains...
ALL the Dr's Agree, It's Viral, My Family Think I'm Stupid for Thinking of HIV, What do I do.
15th August It's Coming up to 6 months Anyway, I Have another Pain under chin, Go to Dentist to Rule Out Infection, ANUG... Ask Re: Gum Problem. My GP Sent Me There. Dentist Says Nothing, Probably Viral or Stress, .......He said It was Probably Brown Before, I didnt notice!! Lol .Said See a Dr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO, I Saw my Gums Go Brown Acutely while I was In Bed for a Month. White spots NORMAL, What? Not in Me. Can you See Why I would Want to Kill Myself Now? I'm starting to Believe I'm Crazy.
So, I Waiting to See this Acute, General Dr, I can Guess What He's Going to Find.......Nothing..Probably Pass the buck, Usual I'll Never Know, Gazillions of Viruses, blah blah, I would Except this Fact If it wasnt for the Sequence of Events, and Previously Very Active/ Fit 29 yrs old.
I Can't See the Point of HIV Testing, If its Negative at 5 months 1 week, 6 months Wont Make a Difference. I Should Be Woo-Hooing Apparently.
If Youve Read My Totally Honest Story, Can see why I'm Distressed. My Fatigue is Declining, Oral Symptoms Still there, ulcers gone, and tonsils shrunk after 4 months. Still Got Pain in One node in Neck, ON/OFF. My Family Want to Take me to another HIV specialist if the Acute Dr Cant Find Anything, But to Be honest I don't Even Want to go. I am FED UP. I'm Wasting Money I dont Have, May aswell Donate it. I'm Not Getting Any Answers from the Medics. I'm Starting to Think I'd Rather Continue Feeling ill and Keep My Mouth Shut instead of being Ostracised by Doctors who Give Conflicting Information. If I get more ill in the Future, Noone Can Say I Didnt Try my Best.
Now, Dr.Bob Since You Have HIV, Are Surviving, Well and an Expert. What do You Suggest. I Know you Cant Diagnose over the Internet. the Dr'd Cant Diagnose me in PERSON!!! Your gonna Say I Need Couselling for My Unwarranted and Irrational Fears, and Get Help for a Disease I cant Possibly Have. I just Just Want ONE person in the World to Understand and Believe WHY Iv been Anxious.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Your sad story is not unlike many I've seen over the years. (Some are in the archives of this forum. Have a look!) You had a nonexistent HIV exposure followed by nonspecific "symptoms." This led to anxiety and depression, which produced additional symptoms. You took countless and totally unwarranted HIV tests and saw multiple doctors, dentists and HIV specialists. The tests were negative and the multiple physicians could find no physical cause for your ailments. Your psychiatric illness is so severe you attempted suicide, feeling you were "doing the honorable thing." (Please note suicide is anything but honorable.) Your "symptoms" persist, as does your perseveration on a disease that you do not have. (Overwhelming evidence exists to support your not having HIV.)
My advice is simple:
1. HIV is not your problem. Stop testing.
2. You need the help of a psychiatrist. Your symptoms are psychosomatic.
I would suggest you bring a copy of this post and my response to your first visit and show it to the psychiatrist. It will help focus your therapy.
I do "understand and believe why you have been anxious." I also understand and know you don't have HIV. Your problem is psychiatric, not virologic.
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