Dear Dr. Bob, I am woman who recently got into a relationship with an HIV+ woman. We began kissing and touching 2 months ago. This is totally new for me and I'm kind of freaked out, although I really love her. I'm not comfortable with oral sex yet but we do rub each other's clits. The issue is that the last time I was rubbing hers I went to go wash my hands and discovered a rather deep hangnail. It wasn't bleeding but I was still nervous, scrubbed my hands and nails, and picked at the next day till it bled. About 10 days later I developed a horrible kidney infection with 2 abcesses on my kidney. My doctor told me it was rare and asked me if I had been exposed to HIV. My questions are: 1. Do you consider what I did, with the hangnail, was exposure? 2. When I finger her, how important is it to wash my hands after and do I need to get under my fingernails? I know HIV only lives outside the body for a few seconds right? 3. Should I really use a latex glove to finger her? It seems so unsexy, like a Pap Smear. 4. If I have inflammation of my gums where they are sore and raw is it OK to kiss as long as they arent bleeding? 5. Ive read HIV is in cervical secretions, so is the vaginal wetness part less infectious? 6. When she straps on and gives it to me, how concerned should I be about her getting wet even though she wears panties over the strap-on? Thanks for your knowledge and support. I know you are really busy but you are the best HIV resource I have ever found.

Hi,

I try not to neglect anyone! By the way, magnetic couples are magnetic couples and the risk is the same if the sex is same sex, hetero-sex or even Republican-sex.

To specifically address your questions:

1. No. If the wound was not open, it was not a significant exposure.

2. HIV cannot permeate intact skin. HIV does not live very long outside the body, but I cannot confirm the "few seconds" statistic as there are many variables.

3. How safe you want to be is up to you. Many folks in your position would not feel the HIV risk significant enough to warrant latex gloves; however, some may well.

4. Yes.

5. Not necessarily.

6. This would not be considered a significant exposure.

Take a read through the archives sections on magnetic couples and HIV transmission. Hopefully you'll find it reassuring. Also, please note I've been involved in a magnetic relationship for over 14 years and it remains passionate, hot, sexy and safe.

Dr. Bob