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You'll laugh at this question but I need reassurance

Jul 24, 2007

Hi Dr. Bob, here's a question that's bothering me. You'll probably laugh because I myself find it ridiculous, but I need some reassurance.

Firstly, I've had some handjobs and unprotected receptive fellatio from CSWs. Infinitesmally small risk and I'm not even worried about that. I caved in and had protected vaginal with a CSW four weeks ago. The condom seemed intact afterwards (the CSW even commented on the amount of semen being enough to get her pregnant twice over). I did get the a one day fever and 3 day diarrhea two weeks post exposure, but that was definitely attributable to the flu (it's been flying around here).

Now I've already levelled with my wife and she forgave me. Deep in my heart I know I've had no risk and don't need to test over the above incidents. However, last night my wife and I had sex. Before penetration, I put a condom on; only I tried to put it on the wrong way and it wouldn't unroll. I then turned it around and rolled it down properly. The rest you know - great sex, intact condom, everyone happy.

Till I started getting nightmares about the outer tip of the condom touching my urethra as I put it on the wrong way.

So the question is: Assuming an HIV(+) man (I know, I'm most likely negative, but let's say for the sake of theory) puts the condom on the wrong way, then does what I did, is there any ludicrous chance at all that any pre-ejaculate or urine or whatever could go to the outer condom tip and infect the receptive partner? I have a tendency to leak precum when aroused. Also, this was a lubricated condom.

One side of my brain is telling me, "dude, your doctor said you don't need to test over protected sex and any test would most likely be negative, and even if you did test positive, how much virus could be at the tip of your urethra when you haven't even STARTED sex yet? And any virus would probably have been done in by the lubricant?

But on the other hand, my brain, still unbalanced by guilt, is considering the one in a zillion chance of the possibility...

And yes, I'm getting counselling for my guilt.

Comments please Dr. Bob, and how to donate to your foundation?

Response from Dr. Frascino


Ridiculous? Maybe. But laughable? No. Actually this question comes up fairly frequently. The HIV-transmission risk is nonexistent, just as you suspected. I'm glad you leveled with your wife and are getting counseling for your guilt. If you continue to perseverate on this non-exposure, get a rapid HIV test at the three-month mark. I, like your doctors, don't feel you need it for diagnostic purposes; however, it might be the most effective and efficient way for you to put your irrational HIV worries permanently to rest.

Donation information for The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation can be found on the Foundation's Web site at Thanks for your interest in helping others in desperate need.

Stay well!

Dr. Bob

Thanks Dr. Bob!
But Bareback feels so much better....

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