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Ready to try, but confusted by too much information!

Jul 23, 2007

My ex-boyfriend made me hiv positive five years ago. He knew that he had the virus, but didn't feel it was necessary to warn me or protect me. I've been on meds for over four years now, have great CD4 numbers and am undetectable with my viral load. I finally decided it was time to move on and to stop forcing myself to stay in the relationship with the guy that gave me this gift, for fear that no one else would want me. So I had him move out in January of this year and decided I would be better off alone that living with someone that was constantly putting me down and reminding me that no one else would ever want me. I met a new guy in April, and we have become friends through our jobs. We talk all the time and I really enjoy his company so we had grown closer, but still only as friends. He is involved with someone else currently and we even talk about that along with discussions about my ex. I thought we were nothing more than friends, until he gave me a sweet kiss one night when we were talking and told me that he had wanted to do that for a very long time. I knew then that I would have to tell him my status. I think it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, because I really like this guy. It was the first time I had disclosed my status to anyone. The only people that knew up to this point were my health care providers and my ex's family - who didn't warn me beforehand either and they all knew. Anyway, there are so many contradicting facts on the internet, where can I find proven facts so I know what is and isn't safe between someone that is positive and someone that is negative? I would really like the chance to kiss him in return one day if he is in agreement, but not if it may put him in danger. I certainly wouldn't want to force this lifestyle on anyone else in the way that is was forced on me! Thanks for reading this and I look forward to your answer - soon I hope!

Response from Dr. Frascino


Glad you dumped your scumbag loser ex-boyfriend. I'm sure he's destined for a miserable life and with the bad karma he's racked up, he's sure to be reborn as pond scum or Dubya's elocution coach.

As for your new beau, I suggest you pucker up and start kissing! As the old song goes, "you must remember this; a kiss is just a kiss . . . ."!!! Kissing is not considered to be an HIV transmission risk.

For detailed information about what's safe, what's not and specific recommendations for magnetic couples (one poz, one neggie), check out the extensive archives of this forum and the related links.

Also, I should point out I've been involved in a magnetic relationship with Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) for the past 14 years. Our relationship continues to be the "happily-ever-after" scenario one only expects to find in "chick lit" and fairy tails. (I guess more on the fairy tale side for us, eh?) At any rate, passion, commitment and mind-boggling, own-name-forgetting, toe-curling sex remain an integral part of our union. I wish you the same success and happiness. You deserve it.

Dr. Bob

apologies for insensitive comments
third time please answer Dr. Robert.

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